Hi Wet, sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment.
I know it's tough, and the only thing you can focus on right now is getting your W back.
Keep in mind, if W is in crisis (and I believe she is) then nothing you do will "work" on her.
So let's figure out what will work for YOU... How can you reach a place of peace and contentment within your new reality. That's what you need to focus on.
Please be patient with yourself. It will take time but you will get there.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, thank you for your compassionate words. On the "me" stuff, I sent out 5 resumes this week, and I have another interview on Friday. Having a new job, more change in my pocket, and less free time on my hands would go a long way to help me reach a place of contentment.
My head knows that this will take time. But every other part of me just wants to go over to my W's place and hold her. Slow down and take a deep breath...
A quick update. W asked me to take s12 tonight because she is hosting a Girls Night Out. She also posted on FB that she was going to a glass blowing class with her female best friend. Hats off to my W for GAL. It's nice to see that she is no longer fixated on her dating websites.
So did you take him? I would think once and while is fine. I wouldn't keep checking out her Facebook though. Kind of like snooping. Hurtful things may be found there.
Are you doing a fun activity with your son? Are you GAL? This is going totake a while so let's not stop working.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi Kat, you are kind to check in on me. No, I did not take S12 tonight. My D19 who lives with me had her truck tire burst into flames earlier this week (how crazy is that?!) And it will not be fixed until Sunday. So I had to pick up D19 from work and she needed my vehicle to go to school tonight.
The FB thing was kinda odd. I was told everything my W was posting on FB when I was up at the cabins with my family last weekend. I told them I was not interested, yet that did not stop them. Then my bf called me on Tuesday to tell me my W was being torched on FB for something, but I stayed away. It is strange how people think this is something that is important, and that I would want to hear about it.
My s12 has been away from my place for two weeks now, so I think he'll want some video gaming time, talking about sports (the Kevin Love trade talk is heating up here in Minnesota), and watching pre-season football on Friday night. I will make sure we have pool time to horse around and cool down. We just enjoy spending time together, and I'm looking forward to having him back. I'll talk to W when I pick up s12 tomorrow about driving together to greet D17 at the airport (from Argentina) on Tuesday. Take care.
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Yea, I feel horrible for what Cleveland did to Andrew Wiggins. Hopefully, he will be able to hand LaBron his rear on a plate! Then he will wish he gave a young kid a chance. Don't mess with Kansas players!
Wow that is crazy about your daughters tire. I would probably freak. Then I would get my act together and call AAA and get on my way. Since it has never happened to me though, maybe it isn't that easy of a fix.
Ditto on the good luck tomorrow. Good things will be coming your way.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wet, I know what you are going through buddy. When my sich first started I thought my wife was going through a MLC. Turns out it was not so much. A combo of both. I did every thing your going through right now. And very painful. Just pushed mine away. Tough love hurts. Now I'm trying the opposite and slowly working better for ME. I wish you the best of luck!:)
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. A quick update - my interview went great. It was with a head hunter though, and the position they were looking to match me up with would be at least a month out. Too far away right now...
So I talked to W yesterday that I would be at her place to pick up s12 at 3 pm today. I got there right on time, and W was not around nor answering her phone. S12 was left alone, so I picked him up and we went back to my place. W was also supposed to have son's football registration sheet so I could have it to go with him tomorrow to pick up his equipment - not done. W called me later to apologize and was getting a little frantic because this is the last day to get his equipment, and I was able to calm her down (I am good at that). No big deal, I will talk to the equipment people to give it to us w/o the sheet. But she insisted she would somehow get it printed and bring it over to me. So far, I have not seen her and I'm not holding my breath.
So having my s12 here is nice. As soon as he got here he started playing with his Xbox on one TV, and then run to the other room to play his play station on the other. He did sit down long enough to watch the start of the Vikings pre-season game (they are looking good.) So no chance to talk to W yet about the Tuesday airport plans.
Journaling - W texted me last night that she had son's football registration and I should pick it up in the morning. I texted back "ok". This morning I texted her asking if now was a good time to stop by and she texted back saying a simple "yep". Now, I am seeing my W mirror my behavior, when I stopped calling her, she has stopped calling me. And now, I give short texts and she gives short responses, and by nature she likes long texting.
So when s12 and I stopped by W's condo, I was wearing a tight-fitting short sleeve short. When W saw me she said "you're looking so skinny. Can I hug you?" Now, I'm still a big guy, so it was nice to hear my W call me skinny (and noticing the weight I've lost.) And I gave her a big hug. It was nice. I have always gave W lots of compliments, but I gave her no complement in response.
I then asked if we could drive together to pick up D17 from the airport on Tuesday, her return from a 2 month trip in Argentina. And W said "of course".
Then W complained that she thought d17 wasn't coming back for another week. That she had 3 photo shoots scheduled this week. She does not have a job, so I am glad she has some work, so I affirm her by saying it's good that she has her photography business taking off. Which leads to an uncomfortable exchange.
She tells me that she thinks there is a market for dating website photographs. Now my W had professional photos of her taken, which were successful for her in getting attention on the dating websites. And so I affirmed her saying it was a good idea, but getting a queasy feeling in my stomach. W then tells me she saw a friend yesterday, and he gives dating business cards out. I take a step back and look more uncomfortable. She then says that she wants to give this as part of her dating website photo package. Ok, I've had enough and ask s12 if he's ready to go.
The thought of her using dates and the dating websites to increase her photo business makes my skin crawl. But it is not anything that I can control, this is her life. Move on, Tom, move on.
