ExH texted today asking if okay to leave his 2 dogs with me overnight this coming Friday and Sat while he goes out of town.
Responded "yes" but wanted to say something like "tell your mother I'll praying for her" (which I am anyway), but decided that in case he was not going to see his mom in hospital in Austin, that I did not want to know.
I think going forward that I'll not hint at trying to determine where he's going when he leaves town. It might be on a weekend date trip, or a honeymoon with someone else, and I definitely DONT want to know that!
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Well the same evening that exH asked me a favor of keeping his 2 dogs overnight this weekend, he did a WHAM, knock me back two steps punch.
He had set up a new sound system with my television in May the morning of the day he moved out. The system's base sound is out of balance (i.e, the speech is too quiet, but then scene changes and BOOM! the sub-woofer is so loud it scoots across my hardwood floor). I've messed with the settings as I recall him showing me, and I cannot get sound to be where it's livable. I've had to watch every show with the remote in my hand to constantly adjust and it's frustrating!
So when he called about coming over later that day to drop off my COBRA health insurance paperwork and his check to Aetna, I asked him over phone if he could quickly adjust the sound while he was going to be at house. He replied "No, you fix it. You figure it out. Look in the manual. I am never coming into that house again." I said, "What? Why? Could you please repeat?" Floored that he felt that way. He repeated my name, and in a calm voice, "I am never coming inside the house, ever again." Wow! So I then after that phone discussion, knowing I had 15 min before he'd arrive at house. I found pdf file of the stereo receiver manual, and emailed it to him asking him to let me know which pages of the 220 page manual the pertinent instructions could be found. I am NOT a techie in the least, and for the last 15+years HE handled all my computer, cell phone,stereo settings.
15 min later, when he arrived at the front door to hand deliver the check and papers, I asked him if he could at some point,in no rush, look on his email at the pdf manual. Once again he said "you'll figure it out." He turns and walks away. I never once said a cross word. I was actually too stunned, since this kind of technical challenge made him happy and he loved to solve. So I had the WHAM knocked breath out experience. I must admit I was down for a few hours. I'd thought about telling him to get someone else to watch his dogs overnights this weekend, but I know that he'd just say something like," then, you'll never see them again. I'll find someone else to watch them from now on." He would do that. He would say that.
That was 8/5, and today, 8/7 I'm okay again. I'm wondering why he never wants to come in house again. He goes into back yard to pickup and deliver his two dogs all the time. Coming inside is evidently never happening.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other."
C.S. Lewis
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
cc i'm sorry that he's being such a d*ck. Were they your dogs too by the way? I'm assuming they were. Well think of that as a benefit for you to see them, so better to just let him drop them off in the back and leave. He isn't mature enough to just have civil conversation with you - but yet wants you to do him a favor. I guess that is typical MLC behavior. Going forward never ask anything of him, you can figure it out, but I get that - he set it up, you were helping him out so he should have just made the fix, would have taken him less than a minute. yeah I know those stereos are difficult- my ex set one up too and I would not know how to change it either but i'll be damned if i'll ever ask him anything again. (oh my that bitterness just pops out once in awhile!) It's just reliving the rejection and we have the option of not allowing them to control our mood or feelings. When you do get it fixed you will feel so good that you took care of it and you don't need him. He was a d*ck though, try and let it slide off your back, like water on a ducks back thinking of you!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
True about when I do get it set up, eventually, TL. The problem is I'll need someone else to fix it, unfortunately. I have to accept my limitations! But the more I learn to ask others to help me do what HE used to do, the better I will feel knowing my other resources are out there. For example, I'm an Android person, but that was because HE was Android. Now, all my family and everyone around me is I-phone, I'll be needing a new cell soon, and I'll obviously go Iphone since that's who I have to help me with it.
I'm inspired by you, TL. Keep up that positive thang you do!
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
that's a good call - the ex is no longer dependable and no longer a resource - at least not at this point. I had hoped that mine would remain friendly but that appears out of the question now. Oh well, it becomes easier to get over these little things since we've learned to get over the big thing I do feel pretty good when I accomplish something that perhaps before was something he did, gives you that boost of self esteem or something. HOpe you're doing well - we inspire each other cc, it's good to have support like this for sure
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Well my x paid the cobra coverage payment for the balance of the year, and he paid 1/2 the required remodel cost for a utility room bath that has had water damage for 3 years (and he never wanted to have repaired). So his financial obligations are all complete. Hopefully this weekend I'll finish our extended joint tax return so all will be done with us financially.
I did successfully have UVerse telephone installed without any problems and Xh even gave me a brief email tech advice before UVerse came out to house this week.
I still feel sad moments and an occasional tear or two when something unexpected tugs at my heart. Not dating and probably not healed enought to be ready to.
I havent seen his two dogs, Pixie and Google for over a week and miss them. I've no idea why, or what theyr're doing. I miss them alot but sort of getting used to not having them around.
I start up two different weekly Bible studies next week I'm looking forward to. I have a huge corporate IRS audit that will take over a month. My time is limited, but am going to check in here with you all and see what you're up to.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
hey CC, sorry about the dogs - I'm sure that is pretty hard, we get so attached to the pets. I'm glad he made his financial obligations a priority, that's always a concern and one less worry for you now. It is a relief when all those things are taken care of for sure. Good for you on getting the uverse installed. I thought it felt pretty good when I handled something on my own - sense of accomplishment. There will always be sad moments, but trust me they do get better as time goes by and you work through the grieving and healing process. I still have them too, I haven't cried about it in what feels like a long time but in reality it's been months I guess, lol. Certain things will always remind you of him, just have to distract yourself with other thoughts. That's great you're going to Bible study, what a great thing to do for GAL. Just keep yourself busy and don't worry about dating, that will happen when the time is right and you're more whole and healed. It's kinda nice to know that you don't "need" a man in your life to complete you, enjoy that alone time and pamper yourself. Hope you had a nice holiday weekend!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
thinking of you!!