You're awesome T-boned. You sound like you're doing great. You should be really proud of yourself. Good luck at your appointment, hope all goes well. I hear ya on the health and diet - I lost about 30 pounds in 3 months after BD. totally unhealthy but I really couldn't do anything about it, now I can. I'm maintaining the weight loss (because I needed it) and am finally at my normal good weight. I feel happy in this body but I need more veggies. Already exercising but want to add a few things and get into a new routine of healthy eating. will work on that now. refi closed last night and that was the last step I had for this whole D. Now I have closure and the house is all mine. I feel so happy about that. Keep up the good work, no expectations when he comes back from his trip
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Hey just checking in on you to see how you're doing!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Hey TL, sorry you just experienced my submarine trick.
I'd like to say I'm doing well, but lately not so much. I've been crying every day for the past few days ever since I knew he had returned from his trip. I miss him so much. I ache for him. And then yesterday I was on my way to a benefit event in a friend's car, and guess who was in front of us? Yep. He was on his way to the OW place,I'm pretty sure since that was the way to her home. He didn't see me and probably wouldn't have recognized me anyway because of the car.
I was so looking forward to working the event as a way to keep my mind off things, but the universe threw this at me. My poor friend . . . we were having this good conversation and then I went silent. My friend knew I was hurting - she knew us, went to our wedding etc....
Anyway, all through the event I tried to change my frame of mind, and in some cases succeeded, but for the most part I felt like I was so outside of life. Just existing - no feeling.
I guess I'm still deep in grieving . . . it has been almost year. I feel like it is a little different grief now -I know some of it is rooted in past losses, but I guess just acknowledging those losses isn't enough. I still have to deal with them apparently.
I've lost my best friend; that hurts. But maybe I'll find some help in knowing that I just have to accept this for now and hope that life will bring me something different by the choices I make. Personal growth is definitely not easy or pleasant at times.
Anyway, his return and being in the area, coupled with our divorce being final on the 29th and all that represents, has me on the ropes right now. I'm still running but cry while I run and/or do my floor exercises. Thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but the light has disappeared for the time being. Marathon . . .
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
T-boned - I hope you're having a better day today. We're on a similar timetable, but I am just now moving into (being dragged into, actually) mediation, after 1 year almost exactly. I lost my best friend too. It keeps hitting me when i least expect it. Like you, when I'm out walking or running, I often wear sunglasses so no one can tell what's going on behind them. Hang in there. The low points pass, and the more of them you get past, the stronger you will feel. As my friend told me: You are braver, smarter, and stronger than you think you are!
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Thank you, LiveNow. Yes, I was doing so well for a while there - thought I had it licked this time, but knew not to count on it too much. Too many times throughout this year I thought I had it, but knew to expect the drop from the top of the wave (coaster). Ya, I wear dark glasses too.
Saw my therapist today, and he told me point blank (said he was speaking as someone other than a therapist) that my H was a d_ck. Something my friends have been telling me but I thought they were just being supportive and attempting to make me feel better. My therapist used to counsel each of us separately and as a couple, so he knows us both very well. Referred H to a different therapist but kept seeing me. Said he couldn't support what my H had done to me so he felt he couldn't be objective with him. Also said that H is not fixing himself - he's just going to repeat the pattern again with the OW and may never figure it out. Made me feel better hearing it from my therapist. My STBX is a charmer, but also not very authentic. I just am one of the casualties.
Sorry about the mediation - I had to be dragged in to it too, but I made H pay for it all. Told him since he wanted this divorce, and I didn't, he has to pay for it. That it wasn't a mutual agreement but something forced upon me and I didn't appreciate someone making such a life changing (shattering) decision for me in which I had no say. Where do they get off? And then they want to be friends. How ridiculous is that?
Anyway, thank you again LiveNow for your support. It has been a long year, hasn't it? I will read your posts tomorrow night so I can get caught up with you. I need to go to bed. But you hang in there too, my friend. We will make it. (((())))
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
I'm sorry Tboned that you are hurting right now. Feel the grief and allow time for it, YOU are growing and changing whether you feel that way or not. This is about you now, your journey, he's on his own. I'm glad your therapist was blunt with you on that, sort of validates you - it's not you, it's him. Keep doing your GAL activities and try to live in the present. Let the past go and take some time to work through the grief each day. It does slowly get easier. Each time you feel like you are backsliding, it gets easier to get up and back on the horse so to speak. You will find your grief appearing still but in shorter bouts. faster recovery times, eventually you'll feel whole again. Forgiveness - of yourself and him - is important. Take care of yourself, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there are great things in store for you. Thinking of you
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Tboned, I'm hugging you, too. (((tboned))) I cant imagine how I'd feel in the same situation behind my exH's car knowing where "she" lived. Since exH moved out in early May, I dont look into what he's doing with any friends, or with OW, or at his fb page or her fb page, or even my former stepdaughters fb pages.(i just send them snail mail notes and cards occasionally). It only hurts me to know his social life, and ignorance is bliss in this regard. I live in a big city (Dallas) so it's easy enough to 'keep my head down' as to his whereabouts.
Perhaps you should try to think of him perpetually being "on vacation" away somewhere.? Especially if you dont share kids together? Then that way, you'll not even think it might be him if you see a car like his "used to be.?"
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
TL and cczamo, thank you for your posts,support and hugs as always! It's soooo appreciated. I do have replies, but I just got home, haven't had dinner, it's 9pm and I have a busy day tomorrow. However, I should get home earlier so I will carve out some time to answer. My love to you guys!!!
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
cc I found myself agreeing with your words and nodding my head - in regards to the "I don't look into what he's doing with any friends, or with OW, or at his fb page..." exactly, it only hurts to find things out and I stopped looking months ago and it helps tremendously with healing imo. One time a few weeks ago I did glance at something on fb, we're not "friends" but I could see his posts on a community page, that only made me think of him for a few hours and I don't want to waste my energy on that. Since the tantrum though I blocked him so I can no longer see anything and he can't see mine either and that just feels right to me. Your comments about him being on vacation are right on too - it's easier to think something like that- I told myself he was just at work on the road, he used to leave all week for work so in the beginning it was easier to think he was just off on job site. Eventually I was able to adapt and just accept he was gone but it was helpful at the time. Now I do that with my mom's passing, it feels like she's just on vacation and out of the country or something. I go to her house (my brother lives there) and she's just not home. I am probably in denial still but it keeps me from feeling too bad about it. I still think of the ex every time I see a truck like his, hoping that fades away too. It is interesting to read others posts and see how we all go through such similar feelings and pathways. I see people that just had a recent bomb drop and think "oh I feel for you" because I've been there, I don't wish that on anyone. Then a little later you're going through a different phase of this and I can remember being there too. I'm not at the year mark yet but it feels like over a year. It was the longest winter of my life and summer definitely felt like an awakening for me. I know i'm lucky my divorce is over and I hope that the worst is behind me and moving forward is up to me - happiness, my own happiness, is up to me and completely in my control. sorry to take over your thread with my ramblings. CCzamo I definitely see you have detached and are doing so well! Tboned, hope you were out having fun and enjoying yourself. I don't spend much time here anymore but I do like to check up on you ladies.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
TBoned and TL72, I too, go through periods of being positive and thinking, "I got this" and am glad the sadness and pain are behind me. Or so I thought. But then something unexpected happens, like with you being behind H's car, and WHAM, I'm two steps back. Shedding tears and licking wounds I'd thought were healing. It's less often, but still does happen.
Sorry to post this in your page, Tboned, but this struck me as being a recovery of CHOICES, mostly, and I choose to keep making myself take a positive step forward every time I have the WHAM-two-steps-back experience.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Keep up the good work, no expectations when he comes back from his trip 