I am guilty of that, more than once, and a lot longer too!
Sometimes it's hard to find the right post, cut and paste, and repost it in the "right" place!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
As for his "infection", Wonka, he has Hepatitis C.
We found out a few years ago and although it is something he's probably had for many years since his "wild and crazy 20's" back in the '70's, I was tested and I was negative, which was a relief.
Since then we were very careful, although it is not usually easily transmitted through your--ahem--"basic" heterosexual contact.
Your non-basic though, there's the issue, and that would be his all-the-time preference, if you know what I mean. And OW did whatever he wanted, so....you fill in the blanks. It's amazing what people will do when they want to "be loved". Not that I'm your "plain vanilla" gal, it's just that with her, it was ALL KINK ALL THE TIME. (How perfect--just the pornified way he likes it, because "REAL" ML is no longer interesting to him. So he's said.) They were SOOOOOO sexually compatible because she "Liked it SOOOOO much!!' (Just like all the women in porn! They LOVE every minute of it!!!!) Yep. No doubt. But I prefer my kink on the as the topping of the very delectable, imported, heavy cream, all-natural vanilla sundae.
Not long after we found out he had it, he basically stopped touching me anyway, so that was the ultimate "safe sex"!!! ---------------------------------------
I know for a fact that with OW he did not tell her so she could make that decision, and he finally admitted that he lied, that he only used condoms in the beginning. OK, no, he never used them at all!!!!!! Whoopsie!!!
Oh, and she had a "Hep C" scare! I don't know what all that was about, but I guess she had a liver issue and he felt compelled at that point to tell her about his "condition".
And THIS is why I believe she dumped him and he bought her a coat. He felt guilty==because prior to this it was sex toys.
I saw the sudden and complete drop off in phone calls/texts the week before I found out, which corresponded completely with him being incredibly weird, nasty to me, and buying her a coat. Not that he ever admitted that she dumped him, he let me believe he "ended it honorably" when I demanded it. ---------------------------------------------
So for us: He is supposed to get treatment for this and it is curable, to the point where it is no longer an issue. And I wouldn't let him touch me at all without a repeat of the full battery of STD tests, condoms, and a promise to finally get treatment.
He has found lots of reasons not to pursue it. Mostly because it's like chemo and will sap his energy for about a year, but it doesn't mean he'll be unable to have a life! He just can't stand to be in his own skin, and the idea of not being able to be constantly in motion, or---God forbid---have to lean on me, well, that makes it a no-go for him.
Likewise the knee surgery he's been putting off for several years as well.
He is essentially ignoring that he even has it, drinking like a fish, and no doubt planning to have unprotected sex with anyone else who lines up. I'm not even sure he couldn't be sued for that!
He says he's doing "great", no problems... well, I know that that's how it goes, until there is a tipping point and then it's liver failure.
Not to mention that OW could give HIM an STD, AIDS, I mean, come on!! This is life and death now. If he comes home with Herpes or something, we are DONE.
It's almost as if he's pretending he doesn't have this. Or that he doesn't care who he might infect. It's all fantasy land. It makes me sick and it worries me. -------------------------------
Hep C is the major reason why I called the co-worker I saw him starting up the late night texts with. I didn't tell her Hep C because that's his private info, but I did say that he had a "condition/STD"... And IF she spoke to OW, then Hep C probably came up. ----------------------------
Thinking back, I think his diagnosis was at the very start of his MLC. (Talk about your mortality check!)
Then his best friend of 40 years had a massive stroke and is permanently disabled. That totally freaked him out and I think that was the "REAL" game kick-off. That was about the time he turned 60... got that red MG convertible, got to the point where he couldn't run anymore because of the knee... and then I started going through menopause and didn't feel like being his sex toy any more.
BAM!!!! Here came the roller coaster!!!!! --------------------------
This is why when I look five years down the road, thinking about the REALITY of his situation, it seems I'm the only one who sees the truth.
That he won't have me around to facilitate him being out and having this fabulous single life. If I'm not here, he will have so many responsibilities that he will be hard pressed to get to work and home on time, forget "dating".
No woman in her right mind would consider living in this house or even staying here. It's total chaos and when he started flipping out, he totally dropped the ball on this whole house remodel. The place is gutted, no walls, no outlets, exposed insulation, wiring... add in a bunch of dogs, a few older ones who are semi-incontinent, a bunch of farm animals and no help....
Then a bum knee, pending retirement with very little money saved, Hep C, what is developing into an alcohol problem, ED, a sweet wife who he treated like a disposable diaper, intimacy and attachment issues, and a serious porn addiction. He'll be paying at least 50% of his income TO ME, and half of everything is mine. And that's just the baseline.
He is so screwed--yet in his mind, he's going to have all his income, a built-in maid/petsitter, and OW and Porn too!
Yes--he's the total package, if you ask me!
So when I look down the road, I see being more of a nurse to this much older man who has treated me so poorly. Why the heck would I want that?
So much easier for me to walk away....And I'm starting to think that's the better option.
And, for the record, his "picture" of our future when he said he wanted to be divorced, was that: I would live nearby (if not conveniently in the same house, no doubt so I could continue my duties as I am "paid" to do them now), so we wouldn't have to re-home any of the animals, I could help with the remodel, we could take care of each other if we got sick, IF we got "old"....
Well, sorry. To me that sounds like MARRIAGE. ----------------------------------------------------
I think he wants all that--but with absolutely no responsibility to change, be honest, be faithful, to take care of himself and get treatment for his issues because that's his responsibility TO ME and TO THE RELATIONSHIP.
He wants to be able to trot me out in public, but then continue to do sordid things in private which are "none of 'my' business".
That's HIS plan, he's said as much. And he's p*ssed that I'm not on board and planning instead to leave here and never speak to him again.
I am going to clarify that for him the next time he mentions divorce, because I believe he doesn't think I'm serious.
He needs to know that once all is settled, I will not ever see or speak to him again. No Christmas cards, no Happy Birthday, no nothing.
If he's sick...well then he can call OW or anybody else. I will be out of his life totally.
And I mean that with every fiber of my being. I will not waver on it either.
He needs a refresher on this when the time is right.I think that'll be my next "Truth Dart". Along with one about safe sex!!!!
And with that, HAVE A FABULOUS DAY, FELLOW DBERS!!!!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
And for the record, he might not be much of a catch these days, but i sure am!
I am without a doubt, the spouse he would be a fool to leave.
We'll see how much of a fool he's going to turn out to be.
Or how much of a fool I might be for even considering staying with this man, whoever he is now.
------------------
I'm cooking up some fresh agar for my petrie dishes this morning; time to set up a few new experimental challenges!
GUBU is getting tired, but he's still moving around quite a bit. Seems there's a bit of fight left in the old thing yet....
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
GG, this is the truth - a good friend of mine whose h had a MLC and went off with a bi-sexual drug addict who was into kinky sex. Oh and she had a number of stds + HepC which this guy transmitted to his unsuspecting wife (my friend). Which is how she found out . . . .
Anyway after the affair couple finally broke up, it transpired that soon after he left my friend and moved in with this OW they stopped having sex at all!!! He then moved on to OW2 who he married (but he cheats on her, apparently, with his yoga teacher).
Great. And here I was just getting breakfast down!!
What the heck are they thinking? Doesn't ANYBODY else matter? Are we just DISPOSABLE? (Hopefully, we're also RECYCLABLE )
Yes, yes. I know. IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM.
No, they don't think about it. No, they don't care. Yes, to them we are disposable, and if we haven't decomposed in the interim, they can dig us out of the trash and see if we're still serviceable when they need us....
They really are like teenagers.
They're never going to get old. They can't be hurt, they're invincible, they're never even going to LOOK old.
That only happens to "other people". Like THEIR SPOUSES.
Yikes.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
h had a MLC and went off with a bi-sexual drug addict who was into kinky sex. Oh and she had a number of stds + HepC which this guy transmitted to his unsuspecting wife (my friend). Which is how she found out . . . .
Anyway after the affair couple finally broke up, it transpired that soon after he left my friend and moved in with this OW they stopped having sex at all!!! He then moved on to OW2 who he married (but he cheats on her, apparently, with his yoga teacher).
You really can't make this stuff up. It's surreal.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
But I often get the distinct impression that, on some level, he wants me to SUFFER.
Even he admits I have done nothing terrible in our M, (after he gave up the too many toiletries/canvas shopping bags/dishwashing detergent tactic).
He KNOWS he is doing things, has done things, which are incredibly hurtful. I don't think his main goal is to hurt me, I'm just collateral damage.
But then there's this nasty thing where it seems he really wants to hurt me in retaliation for something.
And at those times, he doesn't apologize for being nasty, whereas at other times he later says he's sorry for this or that thing he said/did. -----------------------------------
Believe me, I am giving this guy NO AMMO WHATSOEVER. So what is driving this I guess is just his anger that things are not panning out for him as he'd hoped.
I kicked him out, and I KNOW he's mad about that. There isn't a long line of "Kitty" lining up to fill his bed at his friend's house.
His wife is looking hot and moving on, and meanwhile, having a great time!
He's stuck between a rock and a hard place with no idea how to get out. So he figures he'll just try and find a replacement for said wife... or something.
And it's not working out too well.
So I guess I answered my own question, not that it makes it any easier to tolerate. I know it's not about me, it's him, but still. Cheez.... ----------------------------------
The ONLY thing I'm doing is GALing, being happy, upbeat, looking great, being friendly, 180ing, and generally DBing.
I know Wonka said that this makes them MAD.
I guess that's true.
But I am a sensitive person and it does hurt me when he lashes out when I've done nothing.
It's hard not to defend myself, but I just STFU...STFU...STFU... and I don't engage.
I just let him fizzle out on his own.
But it stings sometimes.
My plan is to "Kill Him with Kindness".
I wonder how long that will take. Do you think they could pinpoint it as a cause of death on an autopsy?
Time to go clear brush and get all scratched up in the brambles. Add in all the mosquito bites and I'm looking like someone used me for a pincushion.
That's really messing with my bare legs/short skirt plan/sleeveless top for the weekend, but so it goes!
Do you think a spray tan will cover that up?
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
OK, where do all these guys/gals who do this stuff finding all these broken people who actually are willing to have R's with them? I mean we all know how hard it is to live with someone having an MLC. How do they find college girls, kinky women, yoga instructors, etc. who actually WANT them in their lives? Can they really fake being THAT charming when they can't even seem to not drop their food wrappers on the floor when they're around the LBS? Are there really that many broken people in the world who are so desperate that they will debase themselves for someone who is already married a lot of the time, who can't think of anyone but themself and have so much baggage?
There are many desperate, damaged, broken peeps in the world. I doubt it's charm, although it's attention that attracts these folks along with equal desperation. And when I say desperate, I don't mean hese folks have no redeeming qualities. I just mean they have a booty load of issues. Kind of like when people say affair down, the person could be a neurosurgeon that serves on a charity feeding hungry children. Doesn't mean they aren't a trainwreck. Just my 2cents.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
