Agree. They grow up so fast I don't want to miss a minute. You know you can't fix it for h. All you can do is keep being their #1 girl.
Ss15 told me h wouldn't let him go out with his friends fri night because he wanted to spend quality time. Ss told me over 6 hours h spent a total of 30 min with him. This was around the mysterious 2 hour trip h took to grocery store and another 1 hour trip to gas station. Both places minutes away. Other than that h spent most of time in car talking texting and playing on his phone.
One day soon ss will stop asking and just go. H will never get this time back.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
That sounds exactly like a visit the kids describe with h. Can't be without the phone. May miss a text from OW.
Yes. Wouldn't trade this time with my kids for anything. Julie, what kind of R do your ss have with their mom? Sorry if I missed that.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Georgia I doubt I ever mentioned my skids relationship with their mon. She has primary custody. She is remarried and they have a 6 year old son. They are all very close.
H s and I have always been invited to stuff for boys. S and I often went without h to b days and plays when it conflicted with h schedule. So we know all the extended family and they are always friendly to us. S and their son call each other brother.
Their mom knows some of what is going on and has assured me there will be no changes to my relationship with the kids.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
The boys are lucky to have 2 loving women in their lives. It's nice to hear that she is supportive. The boys are lucky to have you:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thoughts appreciated on this. H periodically (as in every couple of months) will say " have the kids call me because I want to ask them about x". This puts me in an awkward spot as they generally refuse to call him. This puts me in an awkward spot. What to do? Best way to respond?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
The phone thing is so classic. After bomb my husband took a shower with his phone in the bathroom, all while denying he was involved with OW.
The behavior is so over the top that its hard to believe that they are grown men.
These MLCers act so much like teenagers you would think their last name was Kardashian.
-- Regarding best way to respond to your H asking this of you when I am guessing he could email or text the kids directed deserves a well thought out email.
I dont think a 20 word text is sufficient.
I think you should write him an email saying that you want the kids to have a strong relationship with each of you and that you will help facilitate that relationship with him however you can.
You should go and say that right now the kids are very angry at him and upset that he is no longer in the family home. This is a normal reaction. And just so everything is on the table they also feel like you are not present during their visits to your house. They say you spend most of your time on your cell phone and not engaging with them. Given their feeling right now, when I ask them to call you - they generally prefer not too. I do not think I should be the enforcer right now of a punishment when they do not want to call. I will always give them the message that you would like a call regarding X but please reach out directly to the older kids and of course I will facialliate you talking to our little one.
...Maybe something like that...
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
" have the kids call me because I want to ask them about x".
I suspect this is another version of the heady mix of idleness and control. The short and long answer is no.
Whether you say it out loud or simply ignore his request is down to you. If you suspect is is a reason to have a fight then personally I would ignore.
Is there any compelling reason that he cannot communicate directly with them? I mean do they have not any kind of electronic device or do they live a secluded and simple life? Are they unable to speak, read or write?
While it is important to facilitate a relationship with both parents, you are not the intermediary if he can communicate directly with them.
Doesn't he still do drop off a few days a week? Did I miss where that stopped? He has opportunities to talk to them without putting you in the middle. Perhaps he suspects that they will be more agreeable to him if you help to initiate contact.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Thanks BK, Bea and Julie. I agree with all 3 of you and you all make some valid observations. . Yes, Julie he takes them to school generally about 3 days a week. That's when he sees them. I'm just being honest and his family agrees, that putting me in the middle helps h continue with his victim status. Again, h has always played the victim role so if things don't work out to his liking, he can say " but it was Professor Plum with the candlestick in the study!!!" Or in the words of the singer Shaggy, "It Wasn't Me."
So I had to go to a work event and when I got home I told the kids them their dad asked that they call him and tell him about the first day of school. The older 2 said "why would we want to talk to him? We saw him last week." H's mom snipped "call your dad!" They did and the call between the 3 kids and h lasted under 4 minutes. H's mom apologized to after they went to bed. She said she was so sorry she told them to call them after they didn't want to and that it's not me or the kids, and that she is furious with him. I told her it was okay and that I know it must be very difficult for her. She said she's just afraid that he won't have any kind of R with the me eventually because the kids (particularly the older 2) don't have kind words to say about their dad. I said everything will work itself out and his R with them is his-not mine. I said I know that's difficult to hear although it's the truth. I'm always cordial to their dad even when it's not reciprocated (and h's mom and dad get beyond feisty about that) but I told them that's mine to deal with R-not theirs. H' s mom says she wants to shake him and slap him over the head. I just laughed and said h has a new life and he will either figure it out or he won't. That's on him.
I do feel bad for his parents. Kids had a great first day at school and we are having a 3 day weekend away to a drum roll.....theme park !
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/05/1412:21 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
