Old dog seeks new trick 2

[Ggrass]

It's ok for us to support one another, even just comment on each other thread.

I started a new thread, my first was as screwed as I was. In my case i feel ads made me stuck worse, and it took me a while to work out I could actually give them up.

My first thread is filled with me, waffling and latching on to things. I let a couple of friends insist I should date. I should be out there.

I realy was needy and desperate and soooooo hurt and ugly. It was a train wreck.

[Old Dog]

Yes it's been quiet on the old boards... A lot of the people have their own stuff to deal with, while the vets are overwhelmed with requests. But it still feels lonely.

We need more vets. It's up to us to sort ourselves out and lend an ear or 4x2 :-) In my case, when I'm away during the week at work I can talk to my flatmates and there's also work, but I don't have that support here.

I was reading your wife's list; it seems obscure but it does sound like she wants to try to make this work and is thinking hard about the relationship. Sorry I don't have time to review your whole situation, but did you get marriage counselling (I know there's an abbreviation for that, but I hate them and don't see the point!!)

I really hope so. The first page I'm sure is to do with this holiday. I am here now, so I have managed to kick the passive aggressive tendency and want to work on this. The rest I'm not sure about and so must have no expectations. The marriage counselling was a few years ago and it didn't really do any good as I didn't know what to did with the things I learnt. It wasn't SBT. I am of a similar mind concerning abbreviations - I also write and punctuate text messages in full :-)

I mean, if you're going to spend any time thinking about the relationship, those are clues that I'd try to decipher...

Hang in there. Also; with the heat, have you been sleeping well? We're not well equipped to deal with heatwaves over here, and lack of sleep, over a 2-week period will affect your mood. Sometimes, being conscious of the physiological factors contributing to low PMA can make you feel better; it's just your body, not your situation you know?

Sleep is not too bad considering. Certainly better than in the first few weeks. Plenty to think about though and mull over again and again which probably isn't a good thing. More detaching needed I think. 25yearsmlc posted a great post on claire7's thread which I copied. I need to retread that along with sandi2's rules again.

Thanks for turning up. It is good to talk.

Old Dog xx

[Eatsma]

OD -

I'm definitely not a vet, but understand the need for support. Hang in there. I'll try to catch up with your thread later today.

I find I spend too much time stuck in my own head. Sometimes it's really helpful to see what other people are doing or have done to say, "Ah! That sounds like it would work for me!"

I've got to get to Yoga now....I've let too many negative thoughts creep into my head this morning. My therapist yesterday told me that I need to stop throwing stuff into the kitchen sink and worrying about everything. "I know you want things to change," she said "But nothing YOU do will really change things with him. Just keep working on yourself. This just takes time to evolve." And when you think of how long evolution takes....Ay yi yi....Discouraging.

Anyway - hang in there...

[Eatsma]

Ah - now I've read that you're in Spain (or perhaps one of the lovely islands?). Anyway, enjoy. Have some tortilla and empanadas for the rest of us. My family went on holiday together a few weeks ago, and it was odd. Not bad, just odd.

So....you're GAL, which is good. The negative thoughts I think are pretty normal, although it's good to chase those away with some thoughts of gratitude. How are the 180s?

[Old Dog]

Thanks for the support MLP. We are in Spain: a couple of days left now.

We went to Barcelona yesterday and visited La Sagrada Familia. What an in incredible building! Translated, it means 'the sacred family' of course and there were about a dozen posters hanging around the edges with one liners declaring how important the family is, how children need a family, family love, family support etc. Only two were religion/prayer based. I wonder if she noticed them: I just wanted to point at them all the time.

A lovely day out. Almost like a real family. No buttons were pushed despite it being a very long and tiring day in the end.

[Old Dog]

My biggest 180 is not succumbing to passive aggressive traits. I have to watch carefully to make sure. I decided in week 2 that this behaviour is now obsolete. I'm doing quite well I think/hope.

Next stop, ordinary passivity/dependency gets the same treatment. Not wanted any more. Pro-activity, here I come ... in a little while (joke alert - I've already started).

[Ggrass]

Sorry to burst your bubble old dog, but it takes a min of 3 weeks to start a habit and longer to cement it.

If you don't believe it when you head back home, move your landline telephone to somewhere different. See how many times you auto head to the wrong place, this is habit that you have no attachment to. Try one like smoking or eating?

Where there is an emotional pay out and that's why it takes years with back slides.

[Old Dog]

GG. I hear you re breaking habits. It's been 9 weeks now sine the bomb and 7 since I decided to try not to succumb to passive aggressiveness. I'm under no illusion that I have broken it completely though. But I am aware of how I have acted I the past and am trying my best not to repeat it.

Incidently, I have stopped eating as much and cut out all snacks. Only one small ice cream whilst on holiday last week. And I thought I didn't have any will power.

Old Dog xx

[Ggrass]

Since bd, I needed to learn to eat again.

This last weekend just remembering to eat more than once per day was a break thru.
It will be harder to break habits in your r. The op is invested in how things played out, and you trying to change stuff will mess with their script.

While m h thought I was buyin his script and fibs, he was ok to blow sand in your face. Once I stood up and sort of said no more grow up, he's $hiting his pants.

He can see $ disappearing along with his script. His script was I was awful and was going to make his single life terrible by creating mischief and drama.

So far compared to his w1 far far less., drama free area me!
Even less with him nc, life is quiet and relaxed. H was a complete stress head control freak.

[Old Dog]

Were back from holiday. Not too bad a time, I wish I'd gone with my wife rather than a 'room mate' though - and with that elephant in the room, there wasn't as much space as there should have been.

Just before we left to go on holiday, I noticed an envelope addressed to both of us on the kitchen table. I'm sure it's an anniversary card from the wife's parents, but she hasn't opened it and neither have I.

My wife texted a lot during the holiday. I didn't ask, but the youngest noticed. She said she was texting her mum as her parents have contributed financially towards the holiday which is fair enough, but surely not that amount of texts. To and fro, keeping her phone close by.

I'm sure there isn't anyone else in the frame which makes me think that maybe she has now told her mum about her decision to split by text.

Mind reading I know, but it's playing on my mind. It's so hard to detach when you're living in the same space. I copied out 25yearsmlc's post about detachment and have edited it for my situation and I'll do the same with sandi2's rules too.