Your Lupines or YOUR LIFE. In A Bunch! In A Bunch!

[LoisB]

Ok. So, let's take this family member by family member.

The Chocolate Lab.

I spoke to her this morning. She is very excited to have Lake Ontario at her doorstep and lots more snow to romp in. She also likes the idea of the nearby mountains for hikes and sticks to retrieve (She IS a RETRIEVER)...she asked if we could take the really awesome sticks from the mountains and throw them into Lake Ontario for her to retrieve?? She has webbed feet, ya know.

Bottom Line: Midge says, "It will STILL be the BEST DAY EVER, EVERY single DAY I wake up...no matter where we are...but, I like the idea of a much bigger pond and more snow."

[Ggrass]

Seriously who can unhappy having their own personal lake, that is a lab perspective for sure heather!

Dog can teach us a lot about unconditional love and acceptance.
Just do it if its the best move for you, the kids might even love it.

[LoisB]

Thanks Grass :-) I've learned to take Midge's take on life to heart. Teaches me every day to get up and BE HAPPY!!

SAD

Thanks for your thoughts Betsey.

This is an important factor. All three of us experience SAD. D20 had a really serious bout last spring semester. It was awful.

I've struggled with SEVERE SAD since I was a teen. It was at its worst in my 20s. I would hit suicidal every single winter. I managed to get level with heavy doses of Prozac AND Wellbutrin.

My little sister moved to Texas...in large part, because of her SAD...and, moving eliminated the problem from her life.

Some people can't drink alcohol...it may be that we can't really live NORTH.

I know that Vitamin D plays a big role, but I'm not sure I want to risk bringing that fresh hell into our lives. I've taken Vitamin D in the past...not sure I took the right amount.

It used to be that I was a dramatically different person in summer and winter. DRAMATICALLY. As I get older, the difference isn't as dramatic, but it still exists...I get much more slothful and foggy as winter comes on.

Watching D20 last spring brought back a bunch of memories of how bad it was.

I can remember...when D20 was a baby...one time I was sitting in the garage while she and Smokey were in the house...I had managed to drive home safely...looking at telephone poles as a source to end my misery. I got home and considered closing the garage door with the car running. I remember that moment. I was very close. I really don't want D20 to have to feel that if it can be avoided.

HOWEVER, for some reason, the more snow we had always made a difference. We live on the edge of the snow belt and I felt better when we had lots and lots of snow. I think the brightness and beauty??? I don't know. Northeastern Ohio can be very DREARY in winter.

I'm not sure if this is where I'm supposed to be? I know the ag aspect and the beauty/rural area are big bonuses for me.

I'm going to explore this opportunity and I'm going to ask the important questions. But, I'm going to weight this factor heavily.

[LoisB]

In the summertime, I'm more focused, more social, more able to see things clearly, more able to MOVE to ACTION.

I'm not sure being so close to Canada is the best place for us.

Bea's recent post brought back more memories of Winters past. I can remember thinking...every GD winter...and every GD summer..."Why can't I BE the same person YEAR-ROUND?! What I would GIVE to be THIS PERSON (I would think in August) ALL EFFIN YEAR?"

I tried to get Smokey to move south...he was never up for it.

I'm so flattered by this opportunity, but I'm not sure it's the right one for me. HOWEVER, it's a HUGE to plug for my confidence!! If I can get a job as an editor here...what else can I do??? Strangely, working at Kohl's and trying to get published again in the Plain Dealer or maybe exploring southern opportunities?? IDK.

I will still ask the questions though...not shutting the door completely.

[beatrice]

There are things one can do - lots of exercise can help. A winter break in the sun, SAD lamps really help some people. And the snow is good. Do you like winter sports?

[LoisB]

D20 seems to really respond to outdoor activity. That's definitely the ticket for her. If she keeps busy, then she is ok.

Pondering...

I know beauty plays a big part. For me at least. I need to feel surrounded by beauty and comfort. But, it's still a bit of a battle.

We could never afford the vacation thing...so there's that.

The light never did much for me. I had a really expensive one and I was religious about using it.

Still pondering...kinda fun to ponder about OPTIONS!

[LoisB]

And we would be so close to skiing for D20. She is an avid skiier when she gets the chance...has skiied with my dad in Park City many times. She loves the mountains.

[kml]

I know that Vitamin D plays a big role, but I'm not sure I want to risk bringing that fresh hell into our lives. I've taken Vitamin D in the past...not sure I took the right amount.

The big experts in the field want to make 2,000 IU/d the new RDA. And my typical patient who is low, usually needs aroung 5,000 IU/d for several months to get them where they should be. M<any of them report resolution of their SAD symptoms once they've been on this dose for a while.

[Mighty]

Heather,

I totally get this (although I probably TOTALLY over-analyze!). If I don't write things down, they stay mumble-jumble in my brain, bouncing around in an unorganized fashion. I have to get them out- it's kind of a way to collect my thoughts, if you will. I can't really move on from them until I do this, they will incessantly pop up and feed off from each other and mess with my focus if I don't just write them down. But I think, at this point, I probably do overanalyze my h. I wish I knew what was in HIS head- although..... that's probably a really scary place... so maybe I really don't!

On another note- how exciting for you with the job offer!!! That must be a great boost for the spirit. Well deserved! You have such great insight and depth- your contributions will be very appreciated wherever you are.

Now... Lake Ontario! That is close to my stomping grounds! It's a small world!

Good luck!

[LoisB]

Thank you Mighty, KML and GM. I appreciate the input.

K, I will pick up some Vitamin D. I know I never took it consistently for months or had my levels checked.

Mighty, if I take this position, we will have to meet up :-)

GM...I'm not sure if the winter will be much different as far as the SAD is concerned or not? It further north than we are. I already checked out indoor pools. Swimming seems to make a big difference for me.

I've been trying to get quiet and really hone in on what I'm after...what's my vision for myself and the girls. D11 is really struggling. I keep telling her that I don't know if this will work out or not and to calm it down...but, D20 is a grab-the-bull-by-horns type of girl. She needs a meeting.

We went on a nice hike yesterday.

And, after, we went to see my mom. It was strange. Mom called me crying on Friday night. She was upset because D20's bestie is moving out to go back to school. When I told her about the job offer, she broke down.

I tried to check on her all weekend and had a hard time getting a hold of her. I took over some food yesterday and she grilled us with questions and tried to turn the meeting into a therapy session. I resisted. I was quiet and contained within my world of whatever...when I left...I found myself...before I even drove out of the parking lot...searching for that place of peace that I had BEFORE I went to see mom.

I did notice that while I was talking about the job offer, mom shut me down and changed the subject. IDK.

I have a lot to deal with this week and I'm dreading it a bit. We have this One Direction concert coming up on the 17th in Detroit and I need to confirm arrangements with my dad about staying at his house. I haven't spoken to him and I will have to tackle the subject of D20's taking a semester off. I'm not looking forward to that...then, the questions about the college monies...ugh.

I've had a few phone calls from parents looking for tutoring this next year. I will need to respond to those.

I'm working, this morning, on my questions for this publisher.

Also, I want to look at the job boards again for journalism jobs and find a better group of clips to send out.

I bought some magazines yesterday and poster board for all three of us. I watched a sermon on the Vision by Paula White. I really like her. Anyway, I want D11, especially, to create an image of what she wants. I think this would help in the coming months. I want to do one for myself too.