Thanks Shining. The kids aren't exactly thrilled with their dad most of the time so I just try to minimize the hurt. I know they still feel neglected and ignored by him (they tell me, their IC and anyone else will listen that) I smell good but I admit I feel a little blah today. I'm about to throw myself a brief pity party with streamers, chips & salsa along with some margaritas. Ugh. I hate feel blah so I'm trying to shift my focus.
I hate admitting this. I really do. I read some people's sitch's and I remember when h was here post BD, we had some positive interactions. I will see some of those same things on people sitch's and I will think " oh that happened to us too. Don't get your hopes up". I certainly don't want to be anyone's hope killer. It's just that it appears that so many of these sitches have the same ending. Now, the LBSs have made some marvelous strides. I don't know. And then I read sitches where I think it's fairly obvious there is OP. Then 2 weeks later you see thevLBS discovers OP and it's just sad. Sad all around. Ugh. I hate and appreciate hearing new stories. My heart breaks for them and yet it just keeps on. How can you not want to keep your family together? I know. I know. Some people just don't want to deal.
I don't want to be single. I hated dating. I don't want to date. I don't want my family to be broken. Although, in reality it is. Heck I don't even know if anyone would date me as I'm carrying around a nice set of luggage. Grrrr. Maybe I'll just go eat worms!
I'm sorry for the sads. Trying to shift my thinking this afternoon. The kids love me and so do the dog and cat. Sigh. Thanks for listening. I do appreciate this board.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi Georgia, I know what you mean! I see the same thing as my W stayed at home for so long post B-day and there were so many times that I started to think "Wow, there may be hope", only to have that dashed on the shores of the the MLC rocks! When I see those posts I usually just don't say anything and cross my fingers that maybe they will be the exception. Of course you know what happens next!
If you're having the blah's the best thing to do for me is find that one thing you can be glad about...YOU SMELL GOOD!! There's a start!!
Thanks Matt. You know what? I actually think some people DO have a chance to R down the road.....should they choose.
After yesterday's case of the blahs, I feel better today. Open house is this afternoon and I go get D from her grandparents this am. I'm missed my little drama queen.
Did I mention my good news? I got an expanded territory so that means more $$$. This may mean an extra $10k to $25k per year. Yay!
I do have a funny to share. I wear a necklace with my kids name and my dog's name. I remember my h was upset that his name wasn't on the necklace. Someone made it for me (it's a very unique handcrafted sterling silver piece). Anyway, I was at Starbucks (Haven't you guys heard ? All big things happen at Starbucks:) and a man came up to me and said "I love your necklace. Can I ask what it says?" I said that it has my kids' names and my dog's name. He smiled and said ," so it's your baggage necklace ?" I said it's more like my super dooper luxury luggage that I can't do without. It was just a funny exchange.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/02/1412:44 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
While ever I have my 5 hounds assorted! All re treaded (re homed at various ages to me. I have a big l on my forehead that only dog dumpers can see!) we have a house full of love.
Nothing can lift my spirits more than the dark dark days when the guide dog came into work with his owner. Dogs are a real lesson on unconditional love and acceptance.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
That's so interesting you say that. I know it doesn't matter, but looking back there were some events that were interesting. I think I got the necklace in summer of 2011.
June of 2011-h was fired. First job he had in over a year and was only there about 4 months. I started at one of those hip west coast start ups in April of 2011. Although it's a *sexy* company with a *glitzy* title for me, it is a freakinb nightmare. I work at home about 18 hours a day. I met great people but the job itself is a grind. Plus as the company continues to try to secure funding, there are daily threats of firings and grueling schedules to satisfy the investors. I stay ( because we need the income) and look for a new gig.
June 2012-h goes off his medication. He is unbearable. He was working on a contract and was irritable and grumpy beyond belief. I started a new job in May. At BD, h said he went off his medication to see if I loved him. In July 12, this was the vacation that h said traumatized him for life. (His words). He was still unmediated. Drank at least 12 beers each day of vacation (usually more) and was in just a horrible mood. This is the trip he pulled his pants down in front of his dad and brother and started talking with his private part. His dad and brother asked me if he was okay. I told h he really needed to go to the doctor. She prescribes new meds. Of course, I made the appt
Nov 12- h's cousin who was 2 years older died after an aggressive and rare cancer that had left him a paraplegic. He discovered photos of his wife having sex with other men in their bed a few months before his death. At his funeral, h became very upset as his cousin had 2 kids close in age to ours. H commented that there weren't many photos of him with our kids so if something happened to him what would we show at the funeral? It wasn't said seriously although I do think he thought of that as he brought it up several times later. His contracted ended 1st of Nov.
May13- my dad died unexpectedly after minor surgery. My h was devastated which I didn't quite understand at the time. I thought he just felt bad for me and the kids as I was very close to my dad and he was insane about my kids. A friend of mine had to put her 14 yr old dog down. I sent her a gift. H loves animals too but I remember thinking the look on his face is odd. He looks so bewildered and says. "Sometimes I think you love animals more than me." I don't think much of this. Shame on me.
July 13- h starts some new contract work and I notice on their site there is no mention of his family. It's a quirky site and this is very unlike h as he always promoted my blog, spoke glowingly of me and the kids. His meet up profile just says father of 3. He set this up late July/early Aug of 2012. He always said I was the pb to his jelly so this is * odd*. H spoke about me, posted photos of me and was always very proud of me.
October13- h gets first *job* since beginning of Nov 12. The only people at the company over the age of 27 are the CEO, CFO, and h. He really begins to act different at this point and it only escalates. He is extremely snippy and for the first time in 12 years, says something critical of my appearance. He tells s4 that the last c-section ruined your mommy's stomach. I start kickboxing and said I feel stronger. He looks at me and his face is completely emotionless and says " you think you see results?" It wasn't spiteful, just do unlike him. I mentioned his look to a friend.
Beginning of Dec. h says they are going to hire him on. I notice he is in his phone all the time. He blares 90s angst music in the shower in the am before work. And then 5 days after my BD in Dec, I'm folding laundry as his mom helps the kids. "Are you happy? I'm not happy " followed by BAM. Caca hits the fan. His life changed when we had kids. He just wanted me to take s11 when he was a baby from him when I got home from work. I couldn't believe some of these things he was saying. The way he felt about me had *changed*. I didn't even comprehend that. How did that happen ? He thought I was the *one* and he realized that wasn't true. What? What happened? At BD, he said he didn't want our m to work. I didn't and did not want to understand that. I know. I was wrong. I insisted (bad GB) we see 2 MCs where both said we had rather normal marital issues and they both felt we could get reconnected. H told both of them. "I'm pretty sure I don't want ghis to work". Ouch. The looks on their faces was interesting.
Again, I do realize it makes no difference. However, I do recall Job and reading your story, Wonka, that there were little signs before. When I look back, I did have a few " mmmmm" moments- I just did not know * this* happened. And now I do. I get it and I wouldn't believe it had I not experienced it myself. I'm embarrassed to admit when I came here I thought you all were *wrong*. I mean, I was different. You didn't know my h. He spoke horribly of people who cheated, aired their poop on social media and bad dads were literally flamed. Nope. Could not happen to me. I would prove you all wrong. How wrong was I. !
That was a novel right? Still, as painful as this is and as shocking as parts are, I know this was supposed to happen. The full reasons as to why are still unfolding. I know those answers will come.
XO!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/02/1411:47 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Your h sounds like a fragile person going through the 'set up' for a MLC. One of my xh's triggers was the death of my mother, of whom he was fond, and also issues at work. Issues that at the time I thought were unfair, but now I wonder if he was not the 'nice guy' at work that he was with his family even in those days.
Like yours, mine was super nice, moral and great fun. I miss that person, but wouldn't have him in my life now if he were gold plated, with diamond teeth. But paradoxically I am tremendously sorry for him, as he continues with his wrecking ball attempts to derail my life.
Ha! Beatrice- I love that: "gold plated, with diamond teeth" - that's great!
GB- I know, hindsight is 20/20. So many things we missed- the "clues". For me, I would have expected him to talk to me if there really was something amiss. I had no idea what this mlc entailed, as by the looks, most of us didn't.
I like that you are showing patience. Yes, the answers will come. Keep that in mind. You are strong and you are doing great. Everyone I know who has been through divorce or anything like this has told me, "It will get better!" Patience.
Bea- you are so funny. Yes, I have always said my h is the most sensitive person I have ever met. I just thought we would get through anything. This probably sounds strange but I honestly don't know how he functions. He deals with nothing and suppresses everything. The world seems too much for him. He is the polar opposite of the man he was. He has a college gf to distract him from reality though.
Mighty-you are right. Hindsight IS 20/20 and like you, I assumed my h would talk to me about his feelings. Boy was I wrong. It's strange looking back isn't it?
Couple things. First, I put on my favorite pair of jeans today and they are snug. Ugh. I've been stress eating and not working out like I should. I desperately try not to let my weight rule the way I feel, however this was a downer. I am trying not to obsess about it but it made me cry. Grrrr.
H came to pick up kids for his day today. S11 and D9 refused to go and I had to encourage s4 to go prior to his arrival. Big kids and I finished school shopping. I told h to feel free to take s4 for the night. At 2:45, h said s4 wanted to come home. I did something different today. Gotta mix it up right? I said that was fine and texted him something funny d9 said. He then texted back a photo is s4. I think my h felt like I didn't need him. The reality is that I didn't. I know - no pressure although I thought I would try something different. I asked him to drop my dog off to be boarded on Thursday. He said yes. I guess we will see if he actually does it. Nevertheless, the exchange was pleasant. When he brought s4 back we were in the pool. S4 ran over and said I was his number 1 girl and he didn't like being away from me. H said bye to big kids and left.
The thing I cannot wrap my head around, is how he has such little interaction with the kids. He used to be very affectionate with them and now it's like he's a distant relative. Oh well. Not my sandbox. That's his deal and something tells me that will be a painful one for him to deal with down the road.
Thanks for listening DBers:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
