Hey Shining. I hear they have s BOGO at the Life store today. I will go get a happy life and a grateful life.
Sorry to hear about the job. I bet you and the kids will be able to name a lot of what is good about tnat! Chance to find job of your dreams. . Fresh start and new people where you control flow of information etc.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
My xh acted as if I were acutely infectious were he to come within about 4 yards of me, for about 5 years. I once sat on the other end of a very large sofa, and he got up and moved away at once. Ideally he preferred not to be in the same room. I couldn't hand him a beverage, but had to put it down and then he would come and pick it up.
It was so strange. Now he tries to hug me if we meet (yes this is the same man who is suing me) Not that we meet often - the last time was sometime in January/February 2013. We occasionally speak on the phone, but I try not to take his calls. He never ever leaves messages
Oh and during the middle of all this 2006 or 2007 we went out to dinner to discuss divorce and he started feeding me his dessert off a spoon. He never normally did that kind of thing. Maybe he felt safe in a public place
Yup. If I accidentally brush against him in the hall he acts like he needs to jump in the shower. Ha. Maybe I should bump him more often. His personal grooming has taken a nose dive.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Oh dear ladies, I have tears rolling down my face!
My cheeks hurt!
So where do we sign up for eating classes? I'm sure he complained about it. He ate pizza with a knife and fork! Refused to eat soup with a soup spoon.
Personally I was thumped for not suing the right cutlery at the table as a child so eating soup with the wrong spoon, was just not manners. I love the fact he chipped me on manners all the time.
Walking lightly classes? Do they have a cure for the circle of contagen, I'm sure I had that one, and now I've filed for mediation I have bionic plague. Personally I love that one.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I would rather be the one the bitterness is being dumped on than the one filled with it.
YES. But it took a long time to see that, believe it or not. I thought I did many times, but it took a while.
One of my favorites, since we're sharing, is that I walk too loud and it was just to get to her. I talked about it in my threads somewhere back - it was like the Telltale Heart. She was sleeping in the upstairs MIL suite (never worked very well) and when I'd come into the kitchen (just below) after working all day etc, she complained that I stomped around so it would bother her. This was roughly about the same time she started cheating, told me she wanted to date people two at a time and bring 'em in the house etc.
I think Tad's was funny too. His was angry he didn't take her to the "right" grocery store.
There's a thread around here somewhere with some of the craziest things LBS's heard. Kind of a hall of fame thing - you would not stop laughing if you heard some of those...
To be serious for a moment. The job thing sux, but I have to say that changing jobs, for me, was helpful. I was able to get away from people that knew about the divorce, the cheating, etc. Kind of nice to not have to talk or hear about it any longer, I have to admit. There's always something bright on the other side of it - if you find it.
As for the pursuit. Don't worry about how that goes. You need to do things for you in that regard. I know you miss him. And he likely finds this difficult as well (believe it or not) but be sure to do these things for you. You need to heal and get to a place you can open up again - that starts with taking the focus off of him and putting it back on you. You'll have to be a little selfish here.
Put your effort into it and it'll start to get better sooner than later. More positive too.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
the thread AJ mentioned is one of my favorite as well.. when I got confused on the " maybe it' s me ? " I would re-read and remember actions and words from xh that would reassure me that I was the sane and responsible parent here !! Here is the link if you are interested :
Today, SD19 who lives in H house, texted me asking about whether H smoked "weed" when we were together.....
Ummm, no.
SD19 is very concerned because the guy we knew as the quiet, meat-and-potatoes man, is now getting his groovy on every night and during the day on weekends. She is no saint in the behavior department, but I'm sure it's shocking to see your own dad behave like a teenager. She asked if he will get worse, do I think he will do harder substances, and could he lose his job.
I texted back, "First, I hate that you have to be there to see this stuff. But, yes, anything is possible. I'm sorry because this has to hurt you to watch him self destruct. It is exactly what they do with this illness. (I haven't said MLC to her. I took the great advice from this board, tho) He has and will continue to become a mirror image of who he was. He will do things you never thought in a million years he would do. He is becoming someone you won't recognize for a few years at the very least. Best to love him from afar, detach the best you can, and pray. You didn't break him, and you can't fix him. No one can. I'm sorry. This whole thing stinks for everyone."
She responded about the different personality:
"It's okay.. I feel like he's in a midlife crisis. Like all the sudden he's doing all these things and he's really cocky now like he thinks he's really good looking and his sh*t don't stink. And he just left to get a manipedi "
Wow. Mr. meat and potatoes getting a mani-pedi. Priceless.
SD19 also asked how long does this last, talked about how different he is, and also this: "Well now he's come up with a brilliant plan that he's gonna be a broker like grandpa".
After 20 years in his business, he's planning to change careers and become a broker.
I'm not surprised. There is an element of shock in the initial processing, but it fits the frame I have come to recognize. Idk hard to explain.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
How can H be showing confusion, forgetfulness, impatience, have the "gray" skin and dead eyes in certain situations, but seems to be able to continue "as always" at work, like friggin Stanly Ipkiss, and be "normal H" the couple of times he has seen family?
Is this something that will change over time?
SD19 and SS20 have seen the irrational behavior. But I get confused because H mom sent a text to me after H and BIL moved H SDad into senior home. She said H looked very good to her, and he has lost some weight, too! (H has never been overweight a day in his life, but H mom would tell him he looks like he gained weight nearly every time we visited her).
I guess I wanted to hear he looked miserable? That's not right. I shouldn't want someone I love to look or be miserable. I guess I just want him to be miserable without me.
How does this "mask" stuff work?
Is this what they call the "Jekyll and Hyde" MLCer?
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Not sure you'll find that it's Jekyll and Hyde. When it comes to MIL's assessment, have you considered the source? She wants him to be "OK" and so, she sees him as "OK". Never mind that inside he's a raging mess. She's not looking for that.
Work? What were his choices again?
The thing is, you wouldn't be happy if he was miserable. If he fell apart. You'd feel vindicated perhaps, but not happy to see him suffer. Be careful what you may wish for, right?
The "Mask" is very appropriate, Shining. Some would argue he's been wearing a mask most of his life and it recently slipped.
Why is MIL telling you that he looks great? That seems a little off to me?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
