Have I any hope.... (Part 3)

[Mat]

I think WAW is in DR, not DB... There's also a free article on the web site.

[bashy]

Been thinking were I am and were I was in the early days of S. It seems there was good contact and even some firtation in the early days. Bit I'm concerned I've pushed WAW further away by pushing for giving up the house so I can have more money to have a life of my own hence her getting her own place, somewhere she can have OM without feeling guilty as ts a new place and so, today, are only contact is about D.

We're getting along great when chatting. All really friendly. I'm giving her space but I remember her saying a few months back about me working nights that she needs someone with her/around her all the time or she'll forget them (I'm paraphrasing here but that was the gist).

I feel like it's over but again, she hasn't changed her surname and still gets along with me brilliantly.

I hope the space im giving her but being detache, nice and positive when she speaks to me will work in my favour. Any thoughts would be good?

[SunnyB]

I feel like it's over but again, she hasn't changed her surname and still gets along with me brilliantly.

Bashy, I don't really have any advice, but I do want to say that I have no intention of changing my surname, even if we D. That's the name my kids have, I have used it longer than I didn't, and I see no reason to change, even if I'm not married to the man who gave it to me.

[bashy]

Thanks rpp. It's interesting that WAWs sister changed her surname straight away when she separated from her husband.

Anyway, received an email from WAW last night with a picture of D sleeping with her mouth open.... exactly like me! She wrote in email: 'like father like daughter lol'

Was a lovely picture and made me smile. I replied: 'haha god love her. Miss her like mad'

Glad she sent it but did make me miss them both.

[bashy]

Been NC with WAW since the weekend but I sent little message today asking how her kidney infection is. She replied saying it was cleared up then asked when would we be going to get D's school stuff. I replied whenever you want.

She then rang. We had small talk then tells me D broke down on tears last night as she doesn't like her new home. Wants to move back to our old place and misses her friends. WAW tried to reassure her and has been bringing friends round a lot. Then suggests to me that she let D go with friends into town on Saturdays (a big thing for us as we are very protective of her but her wee friends are now doing it) and I could mind her every Saturday night instead of Friday. I didn't disagree but said we'd discuss it. It's definitely something I won't agree to as I will have D every Saturday night instead of alternative ones. But I'm sure we'll sort something.

No mention of OM during chat but that's the way I like it. We then agreed to take D school shopping on Saturday and have dinner together. I will also be going to old home on Monday to finish clearing the house up b4 repossession.

It seems WAW is struggling a little at the moment in new home but I'm
Giving her space. Nothing else I can do.

Any thoughts anyone?

[bashy]

Met WAW in city yesterday with D for school clothes shopping. Was a great afternoon. We joked and laughed and had a lovely lunch together. She also complimented me on my physique :-)

Ofcourse we shouldn't believe anything they say but a few things interested me. She said she had hardly slept the night before worrying about IVA..... does this mean on her night without D she wasn't with OM? She then said she hadn't been on a night out (which she loves) for about a month? Does that mean she hasn't seen OM or has he stayed with her when I have D with me?

I know this is mind reading but it just got me thinking after talking to C the other week who thinks the OM may not be around.

Anyway, I kept our chats light and fun yesterday. No R talk at all. Looked my best as well. Was tough though. WAW looked stunning. Wanted to tell her but said nothing.

Just wondering what you guys think? Am I doing the right things? Detaching enough? Any help I'd appreciate.

[bashy]

Wow wow wow. What a last 24 hours. Any thoughts on this thread from the vets I'd really appreciate. So here goes.....

Arranged to go to old house with WAW last night to finally clear it. During the day she rings to tell me about D's new school jumpers then says would I like to stay over in her new home to save me driving back to my dads. I said no probs.

So I get down there and we clean what we can but realise we need to do more the next day. So we went back to her new house and left D with friends. We had dinner alone and bought some wine. I promised myself when buying wine not to let it cloud my thoughts like I did in June when I pleaded WAW to take me back.

Casual chat before collecting D then got her to bed. So went into living room and I sat down I asked could she turn heat on as it was cold. She says yes then comes in with blanket and sits beside me and puts it over us. Wow I thought. There's another seat over there, I thought. Y not sit there?!

Just before this her phone was getting texts. Oh oh, OM I think. She never says who's texting but proceeds to tell me it's her friend about a beauty party on Friday but no one wants to go. Oh, I think. She's telling me who's texting!!

So after sitting down we begin chatting. Eventually it leads to chat about us and her issues with me in the past. I validate everything. Tell her I now understand were I went wrong after her telling me previously but I hadn't listened. I apologise sincerely for letting her down. She talks about missing my dad and aunt and begins to cry. I tell her my family still love her.

She then tells me about on our wedding day it was if I didn't want to be there or didn't love her because I was so quiet and didn't turn to watch her walk up the aisle. I tell her I was sooo nervous. Also tell her for the first time how I cried before the ceremony because I was so happy. Then tell her when I saw her beside I thought she was stunning. She looked amazing in her dress. She says she never knew I thought that. Again, I said I'm sorry for not opening up. I began to cry at this point.

She then asks again had I met a new woman. I tell her no. I don't have the time. I'm focusing on myself and making sure I understand the mistakes I made in the past so they can't happen again.

She then says she's glad I'm out enjoying life and buying new clothes as I deserve it because she now realises how hard it is to take care of the bills and the pressure that's comes with it. I tell her one if the reasons I didn't go out as much with her was because I was always worried about money. I'd have rather her get out with friends than neither of us.

I never once mentioned her OM and she didn't bring him up either. We then chatted casually once more before sleeping in separate beds.

This morning we wake at the same time and have tea. Talk about our past money mistakes and what we should have done. She tells me hindsight is a wonderful thing. She then comments on my physique after seeing me at the weekend. She says I'm looking brilliant and better than ever.

I then throw a curve ball. Instead of cleaning the house why don't we take D out for the day before school starts tomorrow. She agrees. So we got ready and went and had a wonderful day. I bought them lunch. We laughed. Joked. It was brilliant.

Now I'm home I'm trying to stay calm. Is there movement here? What's going on? Is OM over? Did I say the right things?

Sorry for the long post but it seems like something good has happened. I hope I'm right.

[Wonka]

Well done, Bashy! You've done a superb job in your latest interaction with W. Excellent.

[MrBond]

Those interactions were great. HOWEVER, do not get overly excited. This is probably your W's way of letting you down easy and making it easy for her. I alleviates her guilt.

What you need to do is to increase the positive interactions, but still remain relatively aloof so that she gets the feeling that you will leave at any moment.

She will return to be the monster soon enough.

[bashy]

Do u mean I've misjudged Mr Bond? She isn't interested in me? And what do u mean by 'monster'? Apologies if that's a silly question.