She's going to attempt to prove to you what "is" is, Ox, by pretending that a DEEPLY-entrenched EA -- even one that her husband knows about, is anguished about, her own SON knows about, but yet she refuses to give it up -- is somehow morally okay so long as it's not a PA.
Starsky
You are so correct that my head hurts!
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
So I have not spoken to WW since before work Tuesday Morning. I got a text on Tuesday afternoon asking how I was and telling me she was going to dinner. I texted back that if she's exhausted when she gets back please call me and I will pick her up at her office and drive her home... No response
This morning I only saw her as I woke up but she did not see me. I recieved a Text at 12:30 :
" at lunch with S16, I am going to go food shopping tonight " ( I am thinking this is her way of telling me she will b home by 5 or so)
I texted back "do you want company, I will be home between 4:30 and 5 PM?
She texted back about two hours later "Whatever u want to do is fine with me..."
Not sure what that means or what I should do?
I responded "K". But still not sure what I should do?
I feel for you, I really do. But I have to be honest that I am flabbergasted at how little of this sinks in for you.
Unless you are baiting us and playing a game?
I know very experienced, busy people will take time out of their busy lives to berate you.
Can you try answering your own questions? What have you learned here in all the months you've been here?
What did you do wrong? What should you have done instead? How would you interpret her responses to you? You can't be that thick-headed...can you?
I'm sorry, I know that is harsh, but it's frustrating to see everyone go around and around in circles with you.
Claire:
I am fully in control of my control and anger issues. My MC says I am 180 degress from where I was. I am really at a loss here with this.
I really needed answers not to be berated.
I feel like my chance for R is 50/50, I just have to wait for her to tire of OM.
Can you just answer my questions?
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Leave her alone. That is the answer, be gone from her life and don't concern yourself with what she is doing or try to do friendly things with her. MOVE ON and let her get that you have done so. She will either follow, if she believes you have truly given up, or she will continue on her own journey. Right now, you are both just spinning in place. You've been told this over and over and yet you still claim you don't understand. With an Ivy league or similar education, everyone knows that you do understand what you are supposed to do. They are just tired that you are not doing it or listening. Really, it seems to me that you don't really want to do the work, you are too afraid so you really just want your hand held. You are better than that. Stop wasting your time and everyone elses. Man the f_ck up and handle your business like a boss. It's time. Fear is not your friend. Rid it from your existence and grow a set.
I feel like my chance for R is 50/50, I just have to wait for her to tire of OM.
Can you just answer my questions?"
Wow what a rude post. You really don't get it do you? You are trying to control the posters' responses to you just like how you're STILL trying to control your W. Your post about your interaction with your W is full of controlling and mindreading behaviors.
You do understand that claire7 and others take time out of their busy days to offer their SUGGESTIONS to you with no benefit to them, don't you? They don't deserve rude responses.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I feel like my chance for R is 50/50, I just have to wait for her to tire of OM.
Can you just answer my questions?"
Wow what a rude post. You really don't get it do you? You are trying to control the posters' responses to you just like how you're STILL trying to control your W. Your post about your interaction with your W is full of controlling and mindreading behaviors.
You do understand that claire7 and others take time out of their busy days to offer their SUGGESTIONS to you with no benefit to them, don't you? They don't deserve rude responses.
I was not trying to be rude. The food shopping is for my family home. we were sharing this responsibility. I was under pressure because she literately just asked me to go to dinner with her as well.
Its very hard to cut someone completely out of your life when you live in the same house.
I apologize to claire7.
And what was so rude and controlling about my response to my wife. I was told that she is very passive aggressive. The best way to respond to her is with simple one word responses. The "K" was how I was told to respond when she does not give me a definitive reply.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I did not mean to be rude or controlling. What I needed was an answer in desperation.
Sorry if I offended you.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Leave her alone. That is the answer, be gone from her life and don't concern yourself with what she is doing or try to do friendly things with her. MOVE ON and let her get that you have done so. She will either follow, if she believes you have truly given up, or she will continue on her own journey. Right now, you are both just spinning in place. You've been told this over and over and yet you still claim you don't understand. With an Ivy league or similar education, everyone knows that you do understand what you are supposed to do. They are just tired that you are not doing it or listening. Really, it seems to me that you don't really want to do the work, you are too afraid so you really just want your hand held. You are better than that. Stop wasting your time and everyone elses. Man the f_ck up and handle your business like a boss. It's time. Fear is not your friend. Rid it from your existence and grow a set.
I guess the difficulty comes from the fact that we live in the same house and have a son that lives with us. The shopping is for food for the house etc..
How do people lovingly detach when they live in the same home?
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I feel for you, I really do. But I have to be honest that I am flabbergasted at how little of this sinks in for you. .... Can you try answering your own questions? What have you learned here in all the months you've been here?
What did you do wrong? What should you have done instead? How would you interpret her responses to you? You can't be that thick-headed...can you?
I am really at a loss here with this. ... Can you just answer my questions?
^^^ Is it really true that you are at a loss as to how to answer your questions? Then, my recommendation would be to re-read carefully ALLLL the posts and replies you've had from this board. The answers are there.
We all make mistakes and slip up and have setbacks. But if you really feel, still, at this point, that you have NO idea what you are doing wrong, then I'm not sure anyone will be able to help you. You have to be willing to help yourself.
As an experiment, could you take a stab at answering your own questions? That would show where you've gotten some growth, or what you are misunderstanding about all the advice you are getting.
