Because she is and always will be their mother and humiliating her is humiliating them.
Their R with her is between them. She will have to deal with whatever consequences come from her affair. You said you're now a practicing Christian, turn it all over to God.
If you don't want to be in a R with her, then don't be in a R with her but don't bring you kids into the drama. It's not theirs.
I realize you're hurt but hurting others doesn't make the hurt go away.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I know! I don't want to hurt my wife! I just need to move on and let her go! If she doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be. I just don't understand why she expects me to help her with a D> I have told her there is a lot of work necessary and she needs to do that. without her having some sort of template to work off of there isn't much to really talk about. my IC told me she wouldn't help either at this point. she needs to see the consequences of what she is doing. not to hurt her, but to put the burden on her!
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Well my birthday was yesterday. 54 yrs young. Although this has been the most painful year of my life it has changed me somehow for the better. My wife had all kids get me a individual present. We had Chinese carryout and ate at home. Daughter made blueberry muffins and brought me one with candles to blow out. My wife sat on fireplace quietly and watched all the love kids have for me. I didn't get a card or anything from her and figured I wouldn't. I wasn't cold to her just avoided making any eye contact with her. Since our fight on monday about her visit w other man I just can't look at her right now. She called and texted me several times after fight,, all I could do was text her back and ask her to leave me alone. The night of my birthday I went to bed early and she came into my room and woke me and was sitting on edge of my bed. She could tell I was sleeping and left room. This morning she came in while I was getting out of shower and asked if I wanted coffee. She then wanted to talk. I asked her jokingly if she was going to give me my bday present. She would always on any special day have wild sex with me. She new what I was talking about when I said it and said ok then I want to talk. Well I got my present and then we talked for a few minutes. I asked her if a miracle happened and there was one thing I could do to have her give us another chance what would it be. She sat for a minute and didn't say anything. I said are you going to answer that. She said I don't know I can't think of anything. I got a little defensive and said I wish she would send her dad the letters she has been writing him for 17 years but never has sent. Her dad emotionally has rejected her since a baby. We both know it's been a big part of her struggles. She got mad. I left for work. Daughter had vb practice tonight so I took boys fishing. When we got home tonight boys were all excited and told mom how much fun they had. They went outside and I came face to face with wife in kitchen. She gave me a hug. I should have kept mouth shut but I couldn't I just told her sorry for making this so hard on her. She was very emotional and I could tell she was starting to cry. Anyway we put boys to bed together I gave boys a kiss and told them I loved them. She was in bed with one of boys I gave her a kiss on head and said goodnight. The thing I have read and learned about women that were impacted by childhood neglect from father's can have life lasting problems in there adult relationships. They act out wanting to be rejected and they think there not worthy of being loved. I know and have read 180's ,37 rules, etc... I have been working them, but my sitch I don't want to reject her. It's been 7 months since she started talking about D. There are different avenues to D in our state. Annulment easy short route 60days. D 6 to 9 months with kids. My ic. Who is a clinical psychologist I have been seeing once a week for last 6 months and knows my wife's history has told me in her 30 years of practice she has seen very similar situations and w is trying to get me to reject her , file for D. She has suggested I keep working on myself and would not help her with D. It's my decision but annulment would be easy way out. She has told me if you have the strength to make it hard on her she may come out of fog. She has met my w three times and see's how we interact in her office. W will hug me after sessions for a long time. IC says she doesn't act like someone who wants a D, but wont agree to marriage counseling. Won't see and individual psychologist because she doesn't think she wants to deal with childhood issues. It's crazy going through all of this. I used to watch tv. 2 to 3 hrs a day. I haven't watched 3 hrs of tv in 6 months. I have read so many books on these subjects of narcissist , father daughter relationships etc that I feel like I know my wife better than she knows herself. Well Daughters bday is tomorrow. We see how weekend go s. Weekends always seem to be hardest and alot happens. I am reading a book by Gary Smalley -how to win wife back from a chriStian way. It has alot of same suggestions on proper attitudes, how to handle treating person during seperation and even after d. It is the true how to love someone unconditionally even if marriage doesn't work out.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
weekends are usually the worst. this weekend Friday night was no different.FRI daughters bday party. a sleep over with 3 of her friends. w took girls to pool and dinner I took boys to county fair. we hooked up at home around 8 and had ice cream and cake. that night girls stayed in my room w stayed in daughters room. I got boys to bed. stopped into her room and we started talking. it didn't start to well, more of same angry conversations. next day tball tourney all day. we went to dinner after game. w went out that night at 6 got home at 2am. said she was going to movies. she snuck into home and was in daughters room to sleep. I stopped in and asked her if she could stop this nonsense. she followed me into room talked for an hr. a little spewing back and forth. I asked her if she would quit acting like she was single etc... she was angry, emotional , sad, guilty etc... we talked about kids, money etc... things calmed down, we talked about financial issues. she doesn't have a job... it finally dawned on her what type of $$$ she would get from me on a monthly basis. not enough to support her life style. etc. housing would be a lot less then she realized. it ended up with a calm goodnight. sunday she took one of twins to her new church. I took other 2 kids to our family church. not much interaction during day. early eve I was kidding boys ready for bed. I stopped in and apologized for bashing last night and left. put boys to bed she asked me to stop in. she was laying in bed and asked me to stay with her for a while. we had a good conversation she asked how church was etc... D stopped in and asked for ice cream. I asked w if she wanted any. I brought her some and said good night she thanked me for ice cream and for talking. she is headed out of town tonight with D for a night. see how things go when she returns
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Wife told me she has a interview for a teaching job tomorrow an hr away. She told me she would have to leave everyday by 6 am could I get kids ready for school in the mornings if she took job. She said it would help us financially moving forward. Well I am hoping this helps her come out of fog of mlc. We see, I don't wanto to get my hopes up, but this would be great for self esteem. It's going to be a transition yr no matter what. W hasn't had to work in 15yrs. I am going to try and remain hopeful that somehow I can turn this ship around. Alot has happened in last 9 months, just w being persistent on a D but nothing filed etc... I know the om is still out there. I need to keep detaching but be consistent on attitude and positive changes. Try and love her from a distance
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
She has been very nice last few days. Called me at work today small talk, I tried to get off first and she stopped me wanting to talk more. The job if offered to her would be huge for her confidence. Keep her very busy! I am hopeful it works out for her.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Just having a hard time today. Wife was pleasant called me after her interview said it went well. I am just plain worn out emotionally and physically. The Affair with this single guy whose wife cheated on him is such a predator. If w does get her d I am going to be honest with 12 yr old D and tell her the truth. I am not going to allow this predator to pop up as my wife's freind knowing he was sleeping with a married mom of 3 kids. Ain't going to let it happen. Wife has been battling these unresolved child hood issues with father are whole 17yrs of marriage. I AM Just Drained Over This. My w gave me the never loved you, running away from everyone in her life rt now. Need some encouragement out there.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
wife got the teaching job offer today and accepted. starts in 3 weeks. hr drive from home leave home at 6am. I suggested she get an apt. closer to school. she didn't like idea. she asked if I could get kids ready in am for school. I told her I would. we see where things go from here. something positive for both of us. if we do D my payments wont be as much.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Going to be interesting weekend. Wife has meeting with school on Monday to go over package before signing contract. I think she is a little overwhelmed. Get up 530 am to leave by 6am. I get kids ready for 730 am drop off at there school. Not sure how D fits into this equation. I hope she except job. I don't want her back as her second choice. Need some advice out there from starsky Mr bond etc.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
