One thing I wanted to ask you is this behavior my W is displaying a sign of MLC or is she just having a identity crisis! she has never been aggressive or mean spirited more like guilt ridden and depressed pretending to be happy at least around her friends which all of them no nothing about the A she keeps everything hidden?
"One thing I wanted to ask you is this behavior my W is displaying a sign of MLC or is she just having a identity crisis!"
One thing you need to understand is that NO ONE can tell you what your W is going through, especially your W. We aren't professional psychologists and we don't know her and we don't know you. The only person who could probably answer that is a professional counselor who can go one on one with your W. And even that is pure speculation.
Trying to self-analyze her and attach a name to it is just going to drive you crazy if she starts acting in a way that's contrary to the behavior that you perceive her to have.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Should I post questions about her A on the other forum, I would like to know if the dynamics of an affair are different when the OM is single.
No, stay here on this forum and thread for now.
I don't really know how you mean the second question. If OM is M and has children, he stands to lose more by risking an A. But as far as your W, I don't think it makes any difference to the WAW. She doesn't get involved with him based on his M status. She is drawn to him b/c of how he makes her feel about herself. He fills some emotional need for her. At least, in the beginning. Then her emotions lead her into thinking she must be in love, b/c of the PEAS.
You are way too focused on OM not having as much to offer or not being as good looking, better in this or that. I keep telling you it is not about those qualities. That is not what drew her to him. There have been many LBH's who were shocked to see how unattractive the OM was compared to them. It is not uncommon for the WAW to take a step down, when it comes to OM's looks, etc. Some have hooked up with men who didn't have jobs, and who had forsaken his children, etc. So, get over looking at the OM!
Look at yourself. You said things kept getting better and better until about a year ago. I bet that's not what she'd tell us. In her mind, she would probably go back a lot further. You are gone half the time. Maybe things weren't as great as you thought. Your W sounds like a woman who has to have a LOT of attention. Is it mostly male attention, or anybody.....as long as all eyes are on her?
She may be beautiful and still lack self confidence. The attention makes her feel good. It assures her. How much attention could you give when you were away? You had to work, and you thought things were fine. Some people just won't communicate or don't know how. But now she's in a mess and as much as you want to help her, you won't be able to fix everything for her.
I don't know if it's a MLC or not. The WAW in an A can be just as crazy as one in MLC. I know one thing.....I know I read a lot of LBH's who prefer to believe the W is in MLC rather than her being a WAW in an A. Go figure! And, many who are in MLC will have an A, and a MLC can last a long time. So, I'd say not to get too hung up about labels at this point. You know for a fact she's a WAW in an A, and she's is in some type of crisis at this point. So that's what you need to deal with for now.
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she has never been aggressive or mean spirited more like guilt ridden and depressed pretending to be happy at least around her friends which all of them no nothing about the A she keeps everything hidden?
Which is not uncommon. You may see different sides at different times, before this is over. She will not seem like the girl you M. At times, you won't know who in the world this woman is, b/c she'll be so terribly different from the W you knew.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No not the therapist she is a women the OM is a civil engineer she met online I guess I never snooped just what she told me. I just don't understand that she does not care about our daughters anymore my little one is crying everyday and it breaks my heart. I have not confronted her about that to stick with the DB rules, plus I don't think it would make a difference either in the state of mind she is right now.
I had a therapist once tell me that when a woman who may be depressed acts this way, the OM could have brought out her "Little Girl" ...daddy issues... So when she is with OM she is NOT a mommy, NOT A WIFE And IF SHE WORKS, NOT an employee.
So trying to guess why she's doing this is a project of futility.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Hello Sandi I have to disagree she told the therapist and myself that our marriage was getting better and better in all aspects except for the last year and a half where we had a lot of stress due to the construction work ect. Also her dad died which she has never really gotten over it, her mom never treated her dad nice she married him because of status and there was a lot of fighting between them going on. My W admired her dad he was very kind to her and she could do whatever she wanted to. I do realize and apologize for focusing on the OM it is very hard for me to see the love of my life leaving every day to stay with this man. As for the work separation I am a very easy going guy and have offered my W a lot of times the choice for me to stay home and get a position in my field locally she was very proud of my achievements which where largely because of her support.
Would you have any advice for me on how to deal with my next work tour of 42days should I contact her once in a while or not talk to her at all, I am just worried that I might push her closer to the OM if I completely ignore her. My Kids said that they would keep my memory alive within her but I am not sure if that is enough. Thank you
Her Dad died a little while ago and she has huge issues with that funny that you say our therapist told her that I was the daddy figure, because I always took care of her and she could always do whatever she wanted to. I guess if that is correct she might think the same way " I am free to do whatever I want" She also said at the therapist that she will be back but for now she finally will make her own decisions whatever that means .
Sorry for rambling on but I am so lost right now, why would she not take anything with her she doesn't take clothes or any other item she comes home and takes what fits in her purse my daughter made her a cup that said on the inside bottom Mamma please come home that is the only thing she brought with her.
Would you have any advice for me on how to deal with my next work tour of 42days should I contact her once in a while or not talk to her at all, I am just worried that I might push her closer to the OM if I completely ignore her.
When do you leave again? How do you contact the kids when you are gone?
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My Kids said that they would keep my memory alive within her but I am not sure if that is enough.
Have you encouraged their help?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Her Dad died a little while ago and she has huge issues with that funny that you say our therapist told her that I was the daddy figure, because I always took care of her and she could always do whatever she wanted to. I guess if that is correct she might think the same way " I am free to do whatever I want" She also said at the therapist that she will be back but for now she finally will make her own decisions whatever that means .
A friend of mine with three daughters ( he's over 70+ now) thought that my wife maybe saw me as daddy. And that she is like the 16 year old girl going out with the boy daddy hates.
My therapist does not agree. She says, my wife know I am not going to leave her, knows I am the safe bet, but the other man is daddy. ( as and aside as Sandi pointed out, the OM is a year older then me looks 20 years older, people who have spotted them think he's her dad, and he is in terrible physical condition , I look ten years younger then my age and train with weights, aerobics and P90x six-seven days a week....as does my WAW).
So what I was told is that OM is nurturing her little girl, teaching her about his travels as a tour guide, promising this life of lounging around, discussing politics of the Middle East...doing daddy nurturing, that her dad never ever did. MC among others is also concern the OM is emotionally and possibly physically abusing her.
In your case and I am no psychologist, because you say you did everything for her etc etc.. You may be right your daddy. One of the on line psychologists once called this mid-adolescence it's when a middle aged woman acts like a 16 year old.
I think the other issue is that you are away so much. Your wife is lonely. She obviously longs for companionship that you are not giving her.m me personally would miss my wife to much to be away from her for 42 days. ( before my Sitch).
