As you know, I've been the one here with the most hard-line, "affair-busting" "any-contact-is-very-high-risk" stance in the past, but I've come around to the conclusion that it's far more important for you to get your emotions under control. Throw in the "meds" angle and I think this is a very wise plan.
Plus, men are horn-dogs, yes, but we're also VERY career-focused especially when you factor in the inherent competitiveness that comes with a new promotion. I suspect that he's FAR more focused on his new job responsibilities than he is on HER right now.
"Plus, men are horn-dogs, yes, but we're also VERY career-focused especially when you factor in the inherent competitiveness that comes with a new promotion. I suspect that he's FAR more focused on his new job responsibilities than he is on HER right now."
Thanks for this observation Starsky, it further motivates me to step back. I know how important this new role is to him, he’s very anxious to prove himself as he’s had some challenges there the last couple of years (which partially contributed to our M problems). I have no idea if OW has this insight about his current career path and the level of pressure he is likely under but if she still has her sights on him and makes the mistake of trying to pressure him right now I imagine it could backfire for her very badly (let’s hope she does!). This is really the perfect opportunity for me to step back and just be supportive --- a good 180.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Let's concoct a plan for H! Now is a good time to do so. I recall a wonderful moment when an XGF sent me a tin can of gourmet popcorn (three flavors) along with a note wishing me well prior to sitting for my MBA entrance exam.
Now would be a good time for you to do something like this for H. You could say something along the lines of:
H, congrats on your promotion. I believe in you! You got this and I am so proud of you! Love, MDU
You don't want to order a 3-gallon tin where H will share it with other co-workers. Go small so H can have it all to himself. After all, this is all about him. You're showing support for H in his career and I think this is a wonderful way to show it without being all mushy.
I'm thinking of making him a little loaf of zucchini bread. We have always done a garden together ever year and loved it. I went ahead and did one alone this year and picked my 1st zucchini the other day. He happened to be there dropping off the kids, we laughed because it was a really odd shaped one. Anyway, he loves my zucchini bread.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Operation zucchini bread is underway. Bread made, card written, put it all in a cute little bag with a spritz of my perfume for maximum effect. I'm nervous to give it to him but am muscling through and going with all you wise DBers. It's a good time, feeling good with the support of my brother and sister in law here.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
