Dev, I agree 100% with Wonka. It's your relationship with your children. It really has nothing to do with your W. Yes, keep it up. You're kids need your constant, solid love regardless of the turmoil in your M, even more so because of the turmoil. Be that constant in their lives. They are precious.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
So I've been maintaining my contact and conversations with the kids as best I can. It's been frustrating. My MIL called to speak with the kids, felt the need to tell me I should move on, W said we bring out the worst in each other. I'm not going to lie, it was tough to hear.
The reality of what my W thinks right now. Kinda too bad. I'm going out tonight, sure I'll be in a happier place. I hope so. Pick myself up and carry on. It's what I do.
Your MIL thinks she's helping you but she's putting her nose where it doesn't belong. You know the situation, her "advice" just muddies the water. Take heart, dear Dev, one day at atime.
Also, I'm pretty sure I know the answer, because I'm planning on not asking my W, but she claims that this is not a decision between the OM and me. But by choosing to remain in contact with the OM, she is losing me. So isn't she making that choice? I know, pointless to muse about this. Just a bit rough today, missing my kids. Need to GAL tonight.
Also, I'm pretty sure I know the answer, because I'm planning on not asking my W, but she claims that this is not a decision between the OM and me. But by choosing to remain in contact with the OM, she is losing me. So isn't she making that choice?
Why are you in such a rush? You only sent your email a couple of weeks ago. It's going to take time for it to sink in. Just keep up the going dark. It may take longer than you think. Stop obsessing about her and her choices. Continue your great work at GAL and self improvement. You're a good man and a H only a fool would leave. At least you're getting there. Keep it up, Dev.
PS Don't listen to your MIL. She's probably getting one side of the story from her D who is totally confused and not thinking straight. So any advice from MIL is deeply skewed.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
It's a really good point. It's hard to not want to rush. I've figured out it's totally fear that is driving that rush. Like mdu noted in her thread, the fear of time is not good, and I need to shed these fears. My W is probably feeling the effects of what is going on WRT going dark, and having equal guilt and confused feelings, and I may just not know. I don't expect change to occur quickly or fast at all. I wonder if it will occur period, but that's neither here nor there. There is a part of me that wants to take a strong stance and lead by getting the legal separation organized, as well as starting to date. But then I realize I am doing all those things to get a result from her. Not being true to myself, and I realize I'm not going to do that.
Looking forward to my trip with my kids. Can't wait. And it can't come soon enough.
That's it Dev. Patience. Read the Tao Te Ching. Gets you in a real Zen state of mind.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
