It's time for a new thread! Thanks for popping by GG (I love animals too), JG, BK, Matt, TL, Bright,Heather, Sarah( and anyone else I forgot). And you know I always love hearing from the all knowing vets Job and Bea. Sending air kisses to Wonka, Eric, and KML too. And the agent I don't have at William Morris. Spirit fingers to all of you! I appreciate the kind words, positive thoughts, 2x4s and anything else you throw my way. Everyone has been more help than they will ever know.
D9 gave me a directive for karaoke tonight. No old people's music like NSync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears or anything of the sort. She must be impressed by how my singing of One Direction and Demi Lovato sounds in the shower.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi GB, The talk you had with your exboss was interesting. While I think people are more willing to see and talk about MLC in men, when a woman is going through it (like my W), I find that less are willing to see it as an MLC. My W's friends, when she first dropped the bomb, were telling my W that she was making a mistake, that she needed to look inside for how she was feeling but when they did she would get angry at them and freeze them out. After a while they knew to stop doing that and just say things like "Be strong" and "If you're sure this is what you want then you should do it". Then they were allowed back in her life.
For us male LBS's, there seems to be an attitude that there MUST be something YOU did. I too have seen men who went through MLC just destroy themselves and their families. One of the reasons I was always careful not to let myself start feeling "cheated" out of a "fun" life. I think this will change as more and more women (like your brothers wife) are going through what until recently, was seen as a "male" problem. Of course the end is the same, women MLCers will end up "cratering" at some point just like the men. Just an observation.
Have fun at Karaoke tonight! One Direction? Please, anything but One Direction!
My former SIL went thru a midlife crisis. It was difficult to watch. She had never smoked before and became a chain smoker at 39( crazy), got this hideous pteradactyl type bird tattooed on her thigh (huge, hideous and extremely out of character), stopped payment on their house (even though my brother made a really good income and could afford it), created this unexplainable financial nightmare for them, and started hanging out with my niece's friends. She had an affair with her boss and my brother decided it was time to end it. There were many other head scratching moments that I will skip as some were just incomprehensible.
That was 5 years ago. She still seems absolutely out of control. 2 years ago she went in the hospital for a medical issue that turned serious. She was in ICU A man who had never met her from the church she visited the week before came by to visit her and they were married 16 days later. Yes, love can blossom in ICU. I guess I don't need to tell you guys that marriage didn't last and 6 months later they were divorced. My h thought all of that was sheer insanity and couldn't believe people acted that way. Pot, meet my dear friend, Kettle :-)
My XSIL had serious, serious daddy issues. The man she married looked EXACTLY like her dad. I actually thought it was him. She is straight up off the rails and shows no signs of getting back on track. She has said she regrets leaving my brother but that ship sailed. She now lives in a trailer with her cousin, unemployed, and has developed a prescription drug dependency. I'm a bottle of sunshine here today folks!
For her (and this is strictly my observations), she loved my brother and niece dearly. She simply could no longer cope with his illness and was searching for something to make her *happy* and take away her stressors. She created an a$$load of more stressors and said she wishes she could go back and change things. However, she is STILL unable to look at herself.
Things got a little wacky in my formerly mundane family the last few years. In the words of One Direction, it's "The Story of My Life." Feeling rather kicky today:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Oh Matt - if you think the 'it must be something you did' is confined to male lb spouses you are soooo wrong. That is why I think MLC is an important thing to understand. sometimes one person in the marriage does go crazy (even if the seed are sown and the signs are there) Sometimes 'our' part in all of this is negligible - which is not to say we are perfect of course! Or that making a new life isn't important
I agree it is rarer, but there is also more social stigma attached to a woman who abandons her marriage and children. 'Boys will be boys' is still powerful in our culture.
Let's face it - it is horrible whether we are male or female, straight or gay. Very few gay men post here, which is a pity. It would be interesting to have their pov.
Oh my. H told me and the kids he was going to be out of town for 12 days for work. H doesn't work on holidays and I've just played along. He is on vacation in the town where his gf lives and describes her as the love of his life. For the. 2nd time since he moved out, h has asked about the kids. Well, actually -st he only asked about s4.
I received the following after I said we were going to a friends: " could you have one or more of them call me today? I miss them so much" must need to put on show for OW ( yes mind reading I know ).
I'm tempted to text back that I know it's difficult working during a holiday. However, I think I'll wait a while longer and just say" sure". And h can't call them because........?
Happy 4th peeps!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I think you are doing the right thing by waiting a while, i.e., a long while today. LOL!
Happy 4th!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We had a fabulous 4th. My S11 declared it the best ever. We went over to my best friends and the little ones played in the pool, kids had a talent show, girls baked cupcakes and lots and lots of fireworks. My friend's h spent done extra time with S11 and D 9. He declared them such cool kids. The adults enjoyed margaritas and stayed up until midnight, so we spent the night. Funny, my h always hated fireworks and declared them a waste. Vacationing in a college town is way cooler:/). I know, that was sarcasm.
I did tell D 9 yesterday that her Dad wanted to speak with her and did she want to call him. Her response ? "Why on earth would I want to do that?" She left the room. I then said to S11 that his dad would like to speak with him and would he like to give him a call. To say he rolled his eyes and gave an emphatic no would be an understatement. S4 loves to talk on the phone. I said your dad would like to speak with you and would like for you to call him. S4 asks if he can wait into after Handy Manny is over. He does call h, h doesn't answer but calls right back and I just pushed answer for s4. s4 asked when his dad was coming to babysit and spoke to him for a whopping 24 seconds. That was sweet of s4 to call.
It was nice to hear people say what great kids I have. Yes, I realize I'm biased and they are a funny bunch. H's parents come tomorrow and it's MIL'a birthday. Another celebration! S11 loves celebrations.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 07/05/1404:09 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
So, I've realized something the last week or so. While I'm frustrated that my children are hurt, and that I have to clean up a bunch of h's unfinished projects around the house, I don't know of I really miss my h. I miss our family. I do catch myself from time to time wanting to share things with him although I never reach out. I think I've done a good job of being cordial. We've never had any real discussions since he moved out except for a brief meeting at a Starbucks where h decided to bring up that part of the reason we didn't work out was because we didn't have any joint assets. I said yes, and that I didn't change my name. Other than that, nothing really. He's been hot and heavy with his gf since his social media breakdown 2 weeks after moving out.
I read many threads on this forum and some people refer up themselves as feeling lost. That sounds terrible. I just don't feel lost. I feel a little overwhelmed sometimes although i think some of that has to do with watching my kids middle thru this. I loved my h very much. He was funny and we really got each other. I miss playing jeopardy with him and occasionally miss seeing him standing in the kitchen. I do realize that man is gone- in many ways. I use the word "loved" because this new version of h makes me feel pity for him. My h blocked old friends and family on Twitter however all is public. On Instagram he posted photos of his gf this week on vacation at her apartment and how they've been drunk, having sex and playing video games. I swear I'm not squashing the feelings down, however this doesn't "sting." I don't feel jealous. I just occasionally think " holy caca! My kids could find all this stuff and how weird does their 41 year old dad look doing this stuff?" I know you aren't supposed to look at their social media, however I look every once in a while and as time has gone on , I don't feel much of anything other than he looks bizarre. Yes, 2x4 for looking. Like I said, it's more " eh " or " hmmm." I don't mean to sound cold or cruel, although I sometimes think he just looks and acts sort of pathetic.
Anyway, I have no idea if my thinking is normal. I know that I'm very fortunate in life and I have more than some people in the world. For some strange reason, I think my h will reach out and talk to me or test the waters at some point down the road. Could be just that he's been in my life for 13 years so maybe that thinking is just a manifestation of some of my thoughts. It seems crazy to say this after all that has transpired, however I still think my h loves me very much. Crazy- I know. It doesn't change anything-just something I feel.
I have no idea if any of that made sense. :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gb, I can relate to fb etc, I peak occasionally not that h and his gf post much, the pages are private. I just think wow, how crazy when something pops up.
I do unlike you feel lost, I do miss him, we had a full life and a great friendship, although he denies that. On his side he appears (ic said) he had done the classic discard and rebound. Without so much as a look in the rear view, my sitch looks less like a marathon and more like war and peace with no end or beginning in sight.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
GB makes total sense to me. I posted a while back that I felt "nothing". Several people piped in that it was a defense mechanism taking over. I don't know. Regardless, I have had many moments of happiness where I really don't miss him. Just, like you, miss the life we had. I loved being married. I loved being married to my h. I am still standing for him to be whole again.
Good for you if you can look at posts and nor feel anything but sorry for him and humour but why bother. I don't even use Facebook anymore although I first started hating because that is where h connected with OW. How cliché! But now I don't miss it all. I am forced to actually talk to my friends regularly and I really don't care about the rest.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
