In a healthy, non-enmeshed (not co-dependent) relationship, both men AND women should strive to be each other's "frosting," and not their "cake."
It took me a lot of years of work, but I finally realized that it's not only OKAY, but it's HEALTHIER for my attitude toward my wife to be one of "Hey, with or without you, this is my life's purpose, my journey, and these are my passions and interests. There is no one that I've met yet on this Earth that I'd rather walk that journey with than YOU, baby, but if it's not you I'll be okay too, I realize that now."
In fact, I'm STILL not there yet . . . but I'm working on it!
(But - make no mistake about it - she ain't gonna TELL you she does. Lol. Not right now anyway.)
Great point.
When me and the fetching Mrs. Starsky reconciled, she told me later that "those things you did? When I was having my affair? Don't get me wrong, they P*SSED ME OFF at the time, and I still disagree with one of two of them. But I actually not only RESPECTED you for fighting for our marriage and for our family, but I found it very attractive."
one more question (doubtful)...if she asks where I was, what do i say? That I was out? What if I just went to the bookstore? Not super manly.
Of course, the best GAL things are the TRUE things, that hopefully ARE manly -- at least some of them.
What are your interests, your passions? What are maybe some things that you felt you put aside for the sake of your marriage, that were important to you, personally? Sports? Music? Any volunteer work? Other?
What are your interests, your passions? What are maybe some things that you felt you put aside for the sake of your marriage, that were important to you, personally? Sports? Music? Any volunteer work? Other?
What makes Shodan, Shodan?
Great question...one of the issues in our marriage had been that I was pretty obsessed with martial arts. I practice 2-3 nights per week and sometimes weekends for an hour. I quit it when my W dropped the D bomb on me. I realized that it had been taking me away from my family, my W...I was not present and left her by herself a few nights per week. It caused me stress at work b/c I wanted to get things done so i could go practice not be with my family and W. So, I cannot go back to that. Hence why my 180 was being devoted to my family and my W. But with the affair, being devoted to my W would not be a GAL move.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
