I forgot how to post my old thread link here, but oh well!
So it seems the theme of things has transitioned into dealing with old wounds, while still marching on through everyday life despite the wreckage we've been left to deal with.
Is there any possible way to do this without any pain, frustration and anger? HELL NO! I think we LB's just make it look easy really!
Im working through a book to help me manage my anger. One thing that has really helped me feel relieved is that unmet needs result in anger! Boy howdy, and Im seeing it too.
I've also been in contact with XB.
Looks like we're back on again....
I may regret this. Or I may not. But my eyes are WIDE OPEN. We've discussed at length over many days the dynamics of our relationship and how our anger issues are playing a big role in our fights.
I think what I really need to figure out and Im obviously really struggling with is if I can handle his expressions of anger and mood swings. I for the life of me can not figure out of he's seriously depressed or just a jerk by nature.
Post away friends! I probably have a few 2 by 4s coming anyway.
You've earned your stripes. I'm sure you can handle whatever comes.
So, now you can give me advice.
I've been seeing this guy...off and on...mostly off lately. But, I'm hopelessly naive with this stuff. I married Smokey at 22 and had, maybe?, one serious boyfriend before him.
So, this guy is fun and smart and I enjoy his company. But, he will, occasionally, send me texts of a sexual nature. Nothing that bothers me...kinda fun...whatever...but, then, he will throw in a picture or two. He's about ten years younger and I'm thinking...maybe this is a younger, whipper-snapper kinda thing??? IDK.
So, I noticed that he will do this and then give me the time of day he took the picture. Wha?? And, it will be a picture he took like that morning or last week or whatever...
So, I'm like WTF?
I had sorta written him off and only hear from him every once in a while. Then, today, we are communicating.
It escalates and I'm cool. Having some fun...no big. Then, WHAM! he sends a picture. M-kay.
I play along...without sending anything back! Seriously, not doing that.
But, then, he says he took the picture this morning. So, I can't stand it...I say, "Why are you taking these photos of yourself?"
He says he does this occasionally with a video here and there. M-k......I'm a little weirded out.
So, I say, "What sort of stuff are you into? I'm not judging, but I'm wondering about all these pics and videos?"
He says, and I quote, "Just enjoying a sexual life including but not limited to photo and video."
I should probably run, right??
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Was I wrong to ask him about it? I know it ruined the moment and he went really quiet for a bit. Then, came back with the very vague, politically correct response. I just responded with, "That's pretty vague."
I left it there.
IDK. I think he is a nice guy. I think he is lonely but won't admit it. I think he is afraid to get really intimate with anyone...as in intimate in the sense that you share your feelings and such...but, completely ok with the other intimate. LOL.
I kinda like that he is so free and open, but I feel like I'm maybe outta my league here...in the sense that I am a complete idiot with this kinda stuff and he could be a serial killer/pedaphile and I would have no idea.
But, maybe that's not true. I had a student who had some inappropriate sexual tendencies and I sensed it fairly soon. I knew something wasn't quite right. I don't get that with this guy. I get that he has a healthy sexual appetite and it's maybe a bit misguided right now because he isn't in a monogamous relationship.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Unless he changes his behaviour you are going to get into a cycle of same old same old. It is actions and not words that count.
Own your behaviour and let him own his. We lbs are inclined to try and own what others do. It isn't our problem. And we can't fix other people.
I've been thinking about your situation with this man Kim. I can't sleep. The dog woke me up...I think a fox was outside the bedroom window.
Ya know, you've been through a lot...more than most...and, that's SAYING A LOT FOR THIS PARTICULAR FORUM!
You suggested that I listen to my gut before. Well, my gut isn't such a good one to listen to. My "gut" has been altered, maybe irrevocably, by years of a partner's emotional abuse in the form of dishonesty, witholdings of love, selfishness, immaturity, adultery...the list goes on...and, that's just Smokey and not my childhood.
I equate insecurity with love. If I feel insecure and anxious in terms of how someone feels about me, I assume it's because there's a spark. That's what children/women of abuse do...they confuse abuse with love.
You've been through he!! and he!! can change a person--even your instincts. I wouldn't trust your gut...at least not without some firm backup from your brain.
Be very careful with this guy. You had already started to wean yourself off of him. The withdrawal from a relationship can be very uncomfortable.
You don't need anymore drama. You ESPECIALLY!! No more drama. Is he going to counseling? Did he go back? That was the litmus test, remember? He needed to show consistent effort and improvement WITH COUNSELING. IF he's not, then he's not worth the risk.
At Starbucks today, this man gave me a looksy. I immediately dismissed him...not my type...I thought to myself. At the time, I was getting texts from Captain Weirdo...anyway, I caught myself. I'm really not looking right now...but, when I do, I thought, "Maybe, I should open myself up to people who I wouldn't normally consider. If I truly want something different in the next relationship...then, maybe I NEED to LOOK FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN WHO I CHOSE AND WHO I SETTLE FOR AND HOW I FEEL.
This is grown up life...high school is over.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yes it's my day off and Im awake at 4 a.m.! I normally have to get up at this time anyways but on my days off I usually sleep in.
I was baffled by some issues we had at work regarding some medication missing, and had to call the NOC shift person and request she go over it with the supervisor today. My place of work has been taken over by a new company. The changes have been very uncomfortable causing chaos to ripple into every aspect of everyone's job there. I want out of this place of work but finding something else in this little town that's full time with PTO is hard. It's getting down to a personal choice now. This job is sucking the life out of me, and it's not effecting my personal life. I feel 20 years older than I need to, my house is a mess, and Im not getting the quality time with my girls that I want.
Time for a change.
You have some very interesting points about our situations. In regards to looking for different things in new people than what we were used to is a BIG ONE! I can validate that, because that's what I did with this guy Im involved with.
You know Lois.... I can truthfully say that getting back out there after a long term relationship has ended is TERRIFYING!!! WE sure as hell don't want to go through another devastation, so I think we can be overly cautious! We say we will not have anything to do with this type of person, what's a deal breaker and what isn't, and actually have this ideal person for our next relationship in our heads.
Then there's REALITY. And I think what it boils down to is really what you are willing to accept about another and what you really aren't. And the thing is.... you just may not know what you can accept and what you can't until you travel along a path with that person a while and really get to know them.
Maybe things that were a deal breaker in our minds before, may not be now! Maybe things that you DIDN'T think were a deal breaker before are now!
We just won't know until we have the courage to go forward!
Lois your gut instinct works, it's already working now, I think you just need to work on listening to it more and sitting with your feelings for a while. Believe me our random thoughts can screw up a gut feeling in a new york minute. But if you keep finding you have a feeling consistently, chances are you're right! So sit with your weirded out feeling a while. And be open to yourself about your sexuality! Sounds like this guy is comfortable in his own skin and he's taking flirtation to a different level.
And yes "sexting" is what the younger whipper snappers do! And I'd just come right out and ask him what he's into! Now, that's just me because Im bold and don't mince words. I don't have time to beat around the bush, time is too precious in this life!
Sorry to hijack as well but I had to ask this question of Lois. I hear women use the term "Settle for" a lot. I have never heard the term used by a man. It makes me feel like women can never find the prince charming of their dreams and they settle for someone less. Like they have given up on their dreams. I would never want to be with a person who settled for me. I don't think it is a good way to start a relationship and would not last long. I wish I new where this whole settled for idea came from.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
