What to Do III

[Ben2010]

Thanks for stopping by CMF. I appreciate your insight here. I honestly did not think that porn was ever an issue for women as it is generalized thought that women are more emotional/touch while men are more visual. I too did not see the harm or problems that can be caused by porn. Thought it was just an ordinary thing for guys. I had always had that feeling of shame around it, but never really understood why. After talking to my C about this whole thing, he explained it to me. He also explained how it made my W feel too as well as several other women on here that have had to deal with it. It seems that it would be less painful to her if I were to drive a knife into her side than to be involved with porn.

Ive also done a tremendous amount of learning in the past few months based on reading and alot of self discovery. I have grown closer to God, to myself and my family. The funny thing about it is that I avoided doing this stuff before because I wanted to have fun and enjoy myself. I feel so much better about who I am now and the future that Im working towards that I cant even think about going back to who I used to be. Im sure that is the same for a lot of people on here.

I will have to check that book out. I have seen it talked about in a few posts on here. Will order that and Love Must be Tough today.

[Ben2010]

Thanks Wonka,

Im trying here lol. Still not out of the woods at all here, but Im starting to see the faintest of light through the trees.

[Ben2010]

Ok so update time:

The last contact that I have posted about with the W was that she might come over this week to watch a movie and make dinner. As it turns out she came over that night, Tuesday. I didnt expect her to be there, but when I got home she was already in the kitchen cooking dinner. She made some amazing poppy seed chicken and we sat and talked after instead of the movie because it was kind of late. She told me that her feet were killing her and I offered to rub them for her. She gave me a look and laughed. I guess this is because I rarely do that unless she asks and stil rarely then. I did a much better job this time than normal and it didnt feel like I was forcing myself to do it because I wanted her to notice. I just kept going and I guess it ended up being about 40 minutes or so. She loved it.

We talked about getting the new apartment which is right across the street lol, but way nicer and bigger. Decided that we would go look at a model over there this coming week.

Then yesterday when I was at work as I am now, she sends me an email asking if I wanted to watch the movie last night. I told her that I had plans to go base jumping, but that I guess I will settle for watching a movie with her instead. Of course I had no plans to go base jumping nor would I. Those are just the kind of jokes we use. Anyway, so she was there when I got off work again and had already bought stuff to make dinner before asking me if I was hungry...I had eaten at Burger King earlier...I wish I had known. Oh well that just means the food is still there and maybe she will come over and cook it tonight .

We watched a movie and she surprised me by laying on the couch with me. Not the traditional way like spooning, but on the other side so that we were overlapping legs. This is something that we never did, always had non-touching separate areas. I liked it and we couldnt have spooned on the couch anyway, it isnt deep enough on the cushions. We arent fat it is just a small couch lol. All in all a great week so far and we have scheduled a date after church and a possible movie date on Saturday as well. She invited me on Saturday. I invited her to a sushi place on Sunday, we both love sushi. Still no LM or anything, but we end up having very passionate kissing at the end of the night to say goodbye, last night I went for an ass grab too lol. That is something that I used to do and I know that she gets a laugh out of it. She laughed last night too.

[Thornton]

Things are going well, Ben! I'm happy for you!

Just make sure you don't spend too much time with each other right off the bat or you can quickly fall back into old routines.

Slow and steady wins the race!

[Wonka]

Ben,

As a fellow sushi lover, may I suggest the Playboy roll!

[bashy]

Slow and steady Ben but great stuff!!!

[Ben2010]

Thanks Thorn,
Just trying to let her see me as much as she wants to right now. I had asked her about Sunday prior to her asking me about Saturday, so it was kind of unexpected.

Wonka,
Not sure what the playboy roll is. The only thing that Ive run into so far that I was not a fan of is eel.

Bashy,
Im trying man, not pushing this at all right now. She is making all of these plans. I did think about declining a date sometime soon for this reason though.

[Ben2010]

Also a quick bit I left out,

When I walked in the door last night from work, she was on the couch reading "Hope for the Separated". The first book that I read when this happened. Never in a million years thought I would walk in and see that.

[Nettles]

Good stuff Ben.

Still no LM or anything

I just re-read your first post here, and I'd advise you to be very patient here and wait for a giant neon sign from W that it should happen.

I was also wondering if W is in nursing school right now? Are there classes in the summer? If not, will that change soon?

[Ben2010]

Nettles,

Thanks for commenting. Yeah I would agree with the neon sign thing. I dont want to make her uncomfortable or blow the whole thing by misreading it. I certainly dont want to push it for my own selfish needs either.

She is not in nursing school anymore. She didnt do so well with it last semester and I dont think she knows exactly what she wants to do with her career right now. I dont know if that will change at all. She is very scared of taking risks on things. In order for her to get through nursing school, she would need to quit her current job and that is a huge risk. I try to be as supportive as possible when the opportunity arises. Doesnt seem to make much of a difference.