Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With my best girl by my side! The Larch! The Pine! The Giant Redwood tree! The Sequoia! The Little Whopping Rule Tree! We'd sing! Sing! Sing!
Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day.
CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea.
Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered scones for tea.
CHORUS
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars.
Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around.... In bars???????
CHORUS
I chop down trees, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear papa.
Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels Suspenders and a .... a Bra???? (mounties break off song, and begin insulting lumberjack)
Girl: (crying) I thought you were so rugged!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
1. Put God's Will First. Trust God. Focus on each day as it comes and Take Joy! from each day. 2. Take care of my health (mental and physical). 3. Give my kids the things and time they deserve. 4. Face Each Day's Tasks HONESTLY and Pro-actively. Keep up my ToDo list of things to tackle today and in the near future. 5. Enjoy the contentment with my life that comes from working on the first four goals: travel, fun, friends, family...TAKE JOY!
Specific Sub-Goals: Have a reliable car I'm proud to drive by Christmas of 2014. Earn at least $60,000 per year by December, 2015...or sooner.
So, my attorney got back to me and requested we meet in person to hammer some of this out. Removing the house will seriously alter the proposal. I really like this guy.
He suggests we wait for Smokey's atty to respond to the proposal first...then, we can use the house as a bargaining chip. Smokey doesn't want to keep the house...I already know that. And, asking for five more years without refinancing was a huge request. So, this is good...
I know I will leave the house and I can use his slowpoke atty to provide me more time to put things in place. If, we don't hear from them in a month or so, then, I can re-assess. Meantime, I plan on using the time wisely.
I sent my resume to a publishing house in Mobile. There are some affordable rental homes in Mobile.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Turns out that one of my students (age 15)...currently, my most difficult, was caught with his pants down with his 10-year-old cousin. I feel so badly for the mother...she is such a good lady and walked in on the scene. The event was reported to children's services and an investigation is open. I guess there were some other signs of this boy's sexual confusion. I can think of a few events here that caused me some worry. Luckily, I can't think of a single time he was alone with any of my other students or my daughter.
I'm taking this as a sign that I'm making the right decision in shutting things down...scary, but I don't need this sort of threat in my home. I think I have enough to worry about.
Then, D20 planned a trip across country with her best friend. They are taking a series of Greyhound buses from Cleveland to Alb, NM...38-hour-trip. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but have to admit, I'm glad to have a break from D20's intensity. She has been in rare form as the fall semester draws closer and she is still unsure about what to do next.
I recently did this exercise where I visualized where I see myself in two years. Then, I asked myself what I need to do in order to reach these goals...God was clear..."You need to tune people out and listen/trust yourself. In order to get where you want to go...you need to tune the voices out and the judgments and the analysis and the criticism. Trust yourself."
Well...after this revelation, I was given a dose of why his is important. Yesterday was rough. At the end, I felt like giving up...with the news of the student being a sexual predator and...
She is definitely Smokey's daughter. She has filled the fear with fantasies of moving and focused her anger and frustration outward towards me, my mother and her sister. I told her last night that she needed to see someone for this anger and misdirected fear when she gets home.
I can't continue to have her cut me, her grandmother, her sister.. down when I'm moving forward.My mother who recently lost a dear, dear friend to cancer--the night before the funeral...D20 went apeshid...at my mother's house.
On the day that I contacted the atty about moving, sent my resume to a publishing company in Alabama, inquired about a property and, scheduled an interview with a local grocery store...she cut me down that evening with an axe because she "doesn't trust I will follow through." As per usual, her venting is full of expletives and abuse. This has to stop.
I feel like I'm living with Smokey. And, her pattern is typical...almost identical to Smokey...she gets anxious...it builds...it builds more...she becomes focused on the every action of the people around her...she monsters...then, she blows like Mt. Vesuvius and obliterates those safest and closest. Then, she feels remorse and the onion skins comes off in layers until she breaks down in a lump of tears and guilt and remorse and the core feelings of what's going on underneath all the rage...No matter what she is feeling, she goes straight to anxiety and anger.
She is an emotional abuser. Can people change? I was thinking of her when I was reading Kimmerz's recent sitch. Is this inherent? Is she destined to do abuse her kids and husband?
And, ironically, the two people in our family who can identify with her antics are the two people who have shut her out because of her behavior...my MIL and Smokey. She fell from their tree. My family is at an absolute loss when it comes to understanding her. This girl will need medication and therapy for the rest of her life and I'm not sure being a mom is an option...Venting here.
Maybe if she has daily boxing, then, motherhood could be ok.
Anyway...I had a good earful from her and, then, in response from my mother. And, I took all that information and some of my mother's misguided efforts to help/her own fear and found myself really down.
I feel better today. I did some writing this morning.
I have the interview tomorrow. I need to keep reminding myself that, even if I take the grocery store job...I can still work towards my writing goals.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And, ironically, the two people in our family who can identify with her antics are the two people who have shut her out because of her behavior...my MIL and Smokey.
I should add that they also shut her out because THEY'RE life is easier when she isn't a part of it. Selfish people. She is difficult...like they are...only, she won't play the quiet, "let's pretend everything is ok" game. I guess if they had shut her out because they were making a point of "not" condoning her bad behavior...I'd understand...but, it's more about what's easiest for them. They shut out D11 too...They use D20's issues as an excuse and that pi$$es me off.
It's this sorta disposable version of love.
At the same time, this abuse stuff has to stop. She is classic NPD and I don't know what to do.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Good luck w/the interview tomorrow. I think it will do you a world of good to get out of the house and into a different environment even if it's just for a little while.
It might be a good idea for your daughter to take that trip, but how is she paying her way across country when she needs funds for school?
As for your student, he's crying for help and I do hope that the system will provide him w/the necessary help he requires.
Heather, you are spot on...your oldest daughter needs professional help. What she has developed is a "learned behavior", a behavior she heard and witnessed during the interactions w/you and your h. I think it can be changed, but it's going to take lots of therapy for her to change. In fact, the military just may be the place for her to be, i.e., strict, by the rules and trust me, if she mouths off w/the people in the military, she just might not like what she gets in the way of punishment. LOL!
She needs to understand that even though her grandmother and father have not been the best role models, her attitude and "mouthy ways" have burned what little she had in the way of bridges w/them. Two wrongs don't make a right and she's not going to understand any of this until she seeks therapy. One more thing...I know you love her, but you need to stop making excuses for her bad behavior. She has to grow up and face the consequences of her actions. You are her mother and the things she says to you are disrespectful, mean and hurtful. You need to call her on it and take away her privileges while she's at home.
I'm sorry for being blunt about your daughter and the situation, but it's like the pot calling the kettle black here. She needs to look at what she's doing before she starts her emotional abuse of others. She can't blame others for her incompletes last year. She can't blame others for her time in jail, etc. She needs to own up to her failures, just as she does her accomplishments...that's what growing up is all about.
I do hope that you can catch a break and things will settle down for a bit while she's gone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can't believe she did that! Later on, your mother will be complaining about paying for half the ticket. If she does, call her on it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
