Hi, this website has been such a revelation to me. I thought all of our problems in our marriage were my fault, and now that I understand MLC, I see my wife is acting off her rocker crazy.
I have been separated one year. My wife left when our home of 20+ years was foreclosed upon, she left and took the kids. I have given her space, and see her only when I pick up our son for weekends. When my wife told me she was dating other men in January, I told her that she would not date other men and be married to me. I gave her divorce papers (I'm a lawyer) the next day. She is still sitting on them.
When I saw that dating other men was something she would not give up, I came up with a brilliant plan (note the sarcasm). We would have a three month trial divorce which started on March 28th. We released each other of our marital vows and we would check in with each other on July 1st.
She is staying in a place with our three youngest children. She is kicked out of her place and must leave by the end of June. She lost her only source of income (selling a rare breed of cat), has no job, has no place to go lined up, she cannot sleep, and she is an emotional mess. A month ago I told her I would get all of us a place to live if we would try getting back together, which she would not consider.
She continues to see other men. But on the plus side, we never fight, we have no issues that we fight over, and we are always friendly to each other. But the only solution she has come up with is to run to a boyfriend's place in another city, and escape there for two months.
I have taken care of this woman for over 20 years. It is tearing me apart that she is going through this, and I can't fix it. I am trying to keep her at arms length, but I am afraid that she will soon try some move to have me provide a roof over her head. I plan on going dark with her, but given the urgent circumstances should I try something else? Thanks for any help that you can provide.
My GAL stuff - when she left I was unhealthy dealing with lung issues, which are now much better. I'm exercising regularly and have lost 30 pounds in the last year (60 pounds total, Yay!) I attend a weekly Christian men's group for breakfast, and a weekly Divorce Care group.
My wife left when our home of 20+ years was foreclosed upon, she left and took the kids. . . .
I have taken care of this woman for over 20 years. . .
Not trying to be a jerk or anything, Wet, but women place a real high value on SECURITY. How is losing the family home "taking care of this woman?" Maybe I'm missing something.
Thank you Cadet and Starsky 309. Starsky I now see that my wife when she married me gave me a gift of her heart to protect and keep safe. I blew it, and I hurt her in the worst way possible.
Quick update. My wife invited me over twice in the past week, and I decided to stay away. I kinda hoped to see her today/tomorrow as it is my birthday and Father's Day tomorrow, just to see what she would say. But she did not come, and I had a great day spent with the kids, which feels really good.
Welcome Wet. I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have. Being relatively new myself I do not have as much to offer other than moral support. I am dealing with a WAW as well. I think we also share something else in common. Being a lawyer I assume you have been relatively good financially. When I met my wife I was on top of my game (2006 and I was in real estate development in a beach resort town). In recent years my finances have deteriorated although I have managed to keep my head above water. Starsky's post may have been harsh, but he is right. Whether or not our financial downfall was directly our fault or not, our wives do place a high value on being financially stable. But as I am sure you know, life sometime's deals us cards that do not always work in our favor. You can over come this though. Listen to what the people who have been here have to say (like Starsky) They will tell you things straight and they will sometimes be harsh (they refer to it as hitting you with a 2x4) but it is because they have seen the same scenarios play out over and over.
I wish you the best, and I will be following you hoping to learn from you as well.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
My Father's Day update. I did not see my wife today. I did speak to her in a nice, laughing conversation that felt good. First, I had the kids this weekend at my parent's house. A really good weekend of game playing, talking and seeing a movie. My S volunteered that Mom is crying 24x7, and the girls agreed. On my w's free weekend, I feared my w might use it to spend the weekend with other guys, but instead when I talked to her today she said she spent it with girlfriends and gave enough details that I believe her.
More important, she told me that she has not been on her dating website for a couple of weeks, and that she canceled her membership because she does not have enough time right now. Good on her!
But she is still having trouble selling the cats, has not found a place (she needs to be out June 30th, she is seeing 5 apartments on Monday) but seems to be leaning towards moving in with a friend on July 1st. So maybe this is the best solution until school starts in September.
I am still not an option with her for dealing with needing a place to stay. But patience and keeping my distance seems to be helping.
I spoke to my wife tonight. She was able to find a 3 bedroom place in the school district our son wants to go to. And she can move in July 1st. She did a great job and I told her that when she called me. It looks like I will have at least two months now to work on my GAL. I am relieved.
