Everyone talks about "Bomb Drop", as being so earth-shattering.
I must be weird or something.
For me, when I got "The Speech", it didn't register as very serious. It sounded like a lot of whining about things that were fixable at the time.
I didn't believe it, to tell you the truth!
(Of course, I didn't know about OW and how that all played into it.)
He said we'd go for counseling, and I let it go, just tried to be more supportive, etc.
I realized he was under a lot of stress, we talked about that, that he was depressed, I really chalked it all up to stressors and depression. I assumed that things would improve, that it was just a phase, and I didn't judge our marriage by one bad patch.
I always saw a M as a living thing, with ups and downs, and changes. So it didn't rock me to my core as others have described.
Little did I know!
It was really setting the stage for him taking OW on a long trip. The trip that I supported because he "needed to get away to be on his own and think".
Dummy I am...
Interestingly, I DID NOT PURSUE AT THIS POINT. We talked about spending more time together, making that a priority, but it never happened.
He picked fights during this time, was very emotionally abusive to me. Pursuing him was the last thing on my mind. And over time, spending any time with him was also not an attractive option.
So I was PMAing and GALing since then--until I found OW and then the sh*t hit the fan--big time. I also found all the porn, the webcam... it got ugly.
Then he really wanted to run. He has no coping skills to deal with the raw emotion and pain from me. Enter The BIG D.
But honesty at that BD point I was already feeling pretty detached from HIM. So hearing him say those words didn't shock me. I was close to saying them myself, I can see that now.
I think I was getting dangerously close to being a WAW myself.
Not with an OM-- just going out to buy groceries and never coming home. I fantasized about that often. I'd forgotten that.
I wasn't happy with HIM, although I was happy with myself and my life.
I am so much more at peace with him gone. There was a lot of negativity there, for a long time.
And that's the pure, unvarnished truth, as I see it clearly today.
I realize now I was lonelier with him than I am not without him.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
"I realize now that I was lonelier with him than I am now without him."
Is what that was supposed to say.
Boy, this board gets crazy from 6-9! Bogging down with all you folks out there busting divorces like nobody's business!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Interestingly, I never had the rawness I needed to pull off those big torchy blues songs. But NOW---Honey! I am killing it vocally!
Some songs have much more meaning for me, and communicating that emotion is the most important part of performing any song to me.
Funny, a song I wrote (when H was with OW but I didn't know), was all about being "Better Off Alone"...
I don't know where it came from, subconsciously I knew something I guess. But doing it now--it's downright autobiographical.
I should post the lyrics here:
One line is:
"And I--deserve better.. than wondering whether...today.. is the day you might call...
And now.. when I think of your kisses....I find... I hardly... miss them... at all..."
And there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Boy, this board gets crazy from 6-9! Bogging down with all you folks out there busting divorces like nobody's business!
I'm afraid that your amoeba experiment is taking up most of the bandwidth here!!
-Hypothesizing -Observing -Postulating -Collecting cow gas
Yeah...made the last one up!
On to a more serious note....
"I realize now that I was lonelier with him than I am now without him."
Read that over in Ray's thread. How do you feel about that statement? Do you think that there's a possibility that your theory of postulate that H is moving away from painful stimuli is indeed as close to being accurate as you can get here.
Wonka, I don't understand what you meant below: "I realize now that I was lonelier with him than I am now without him."
Read that over in Ray's thread. How do you feel about that statement? Do you think that there's a possibility that your theory of postulate that H is moving away from painful stimuli is indeed as close to being accurate as you can get here.
Thoughts? Ruminations?
Oh my..what have I done here!!?
I'm confused...it happens sometimes. Did you mean rayzzz?
--GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I did feel lonelier when he was here, also more stressed. This was before I found OW, but that feeling probably started when he began cheating on me and being mean.
Prior to that, he ignored me, pretty much all the time for almost two years.
So, yeah. It's easier to be alone than to be with someone with so much negative energy.
I don't understand why me being more comfortable on my own would have anything to do with him avoiding stimuli though.
?
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Wonka, I don't understand what you meant below: "I realize now that I was lonelier with him than I am now without him." What are your thoughts on that comment you made over in Ray's thread (rayzzz)?
Read that over in Ray's thread. How do you feel about that statement? Do you think that there's a possibility that your theory of postulate that H is moving away from painful stimuli is indeed as close to being accurate as you can get here.
Thoughts? Ruminations?
Oh my..what have I done here!!? I was ribbing here as I know you are noteworthy for your ruminations that come out as long posts. I love them!
I'm confused...it happens sometimes. Did you mean rayzzz?
Nope. You were obviously referring to your H when you made that comment in rayzzz's thread.
I can see how and why you are confused here. Nothing to do with you being comfortable on your own at all.
Originally Posted By: GoatGal
I don't understand why me being more comfortable on my own would have anything to do with him avoiding stimuli though
What I meant by avoiding stimuli is that he might be moving away from porn and trying to reconnect with you by viewing you as a "normal" woman..not the pornofied version as you say here.
Chit! I think I mangled my intent badly in the recent post. Blame it on being a late night and my brain isn't at the its most optimal level.
In the past you felt alone even with H around due to his negative energy and skewed view due to his porno addiction. What I am saying here is that it is possible that H is making attempts to move away from negative stimuli (porno). If that is indeed happening per your theory of moving away from negative stimuli postulate, then I wonder if you would feel more comfortable knowing that H, in his own way, is working on himself and his issues in that particular arena?
You state in Ray's thread that H will need to clean up his chit before you would even consider piecing the M with him. I think, based on what you write here in the DB clipboard, that H is trying to make a sincere effort, in his own way, by making that mystery medical appointment that took FOREVER to complete.
I am willing to do my part, but he's got to do his, and then we'd have to do ours together.
Enough about him. I get it. Why on earth would you want to be with somebody who treats you like that?
I've met a lot of people that lived with a cheating (sometimes MLC) spouse. They thought they were crazy. I was one of them that lived with a cheating spouse and almost ended up in the rubber room trying to figure out what was wrong with ME. I see that as a normal part of a relationship with somebody who's cheating. If normal can be applied to the situation.
Let's face it, it's not the betrayal you can't get over.
That said, what is YOUR part to do? What gives the marriage a chance? What makes you a better person than when this started with or without the relationship? I honestly think that's much more important and it allows you to release control over the outcome of the situation. A great stress reducer, if you ask me
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
