MM, LISTEN TO HEATHER! Don't dismiss her. She knows what she is saying and has worked hard to get through her own sitch and learned what she has the hard way! The whole reason we are all telling you to stop delaying on the business agreement getting finished is because we all see 1) he may very well find a way to cut you out once he see's he no longer can control you and 2) you really may need to leave the business if you can't work with your "addiction" and be able to leave it behind! Also, advina is right. You really need to be honest when you deal with him. Lies to make it "easier" only set you back. Be bold, be honest, with yourself and him.
This is the reason GAL is so very important in detaching. You need to really have things in your life that are better to you than hanging on the pantleg of a guy who has insulted and hurt you. Who wants you only for sex and thinks so little of you that he thinks you will settle for just that. You must get to a point where you are doing things that help you to see that a life without someone like that can be a much better one!
Invest more time in understanding what others are trying to tell you instead of rebutting them. Before you post why you think they are "wrong" or why you disagree. Stop and really think about what they are saying and try to see why they think it. You are very quick to defend, too quick. So, next time you disagree with something someone posts don't just post why you don't think they see the sitch "right". Take time to look at the sitch from their viewpoint and try to see their point of view. In there lies the answers that you aren't seeing. I had to learn to do the same, you will get much more from this forum when you can start doing this consistently!
And, I know you are working on taking small steps and treating this like you did stopping smoking. That doesn't make anything that others have pointed out any less relevant.
Matt, I think your right xbf has worked out his way of getting 100% of mm share.
When it comes to $ mm, just sign the agreement. It can have clauses to say after the re deal if you want, but the longer you leave this the more likely there could be a cause where time has elapsed on your claim. You need to think he is smarter than you think.
Any legal agreement protects all parties, and he wanted s he needs to get it financially too!
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I am listening to everyone... I am very aware of what could happen. I do take the time to think and review what others are suggesting. I am grateful that they are watching for my blind spots.
I am curious today, if he should question why I am saying "NO" to his offers or why I am "grumpy" and "cold", what would I say? Obviously I am not good on the spot & want to be prepared, if it becomes an option. Many of you will say "who cares"... but the point is for me to be prepared and not standing there like a dummy!
My thought would be "because I know what I want (commitment) and you don't, so you go figure it out" <<<<< however to me, this sounds a bit like ... I have always known what I've wanted & I'm just waiting for you.
Suggestions?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am curious today, if he should question why I am saying "NO" to his offers or why I am "grumpy" and "cold", what would I say? Obviously I am not good on the spot & want to be prepared, if it becomes an option. Many of you will say "who cares"... but the point is for me to be prepared and not standing there like a dummy!
My thought would be "because I know what I want (commitment) and you don't, so you go figure it out" <<<<< however to me, this sounds a bit like ... I have always known what I've wanted & I'm just waiting for you.
A: "C'mon, we've talked this in circles to DEATH, a thousand times. Do I REALLY need to explain it to you? Let's just try to stick to business today, ok? (upbeat) -- anything new on that _____ deal?" (or some such)
Glad you replied Starsky... thanks for your reply!! (I like it)... I also like what you said before:
I recall it was you who stated I should just say "because I decided I want more"... but doesn't that suggest that I want more .... from him? (as usual)... Thats how he will interpret it.
~~~~~~~
Also.... what message did I send on the weekend? Saying "no thanks" to many of his suggestions. It felt good, but it also gave me butterflies. Recalling the whole pealharbr story, and how you recommend that we reject the WAS, treat them like we were dumping them now. Any further suggestions for today? What can I expect from him now? I think this is what is giving me butterflies... the unknown.
Last edited by makingmagic; 07/14/1403:06 PM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"I have let go of his pant leg (for real) just under a month ago. "
this is BS. plain and simple.
You cannot claim to have dropped the rope a month ago, and then the next sentence is all about him. and his water, and his cat, and his texting, and his real estate woman.
sure, you throw in a random paragraph about your friends band, but its just some crap you think will appease us. then its all about him again.
no one here cares the least bit about him.
you cant say you dropped the rope, WHEN you cant spend more than 1 paragraph talking something other than him. when you can go weeks without mentioning what he's doing, then you've gotten somewhere.
but instead you lie to him, you react to him, you base your entire life around him and his actions. you spend all your hours obsessing over him.
and when everyone here points it out, you deny. you ignore.
but its BS.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
not so sure about ALL that Ken... I have made progress & it shows... I am happy for that.
I agree I spend a lot of time on my thoughts of him. However, this is MY thread and I post as I would a journal. MY THOUGHTS, MY FEELINGS.
In my heart, I know how much I have dropped the rope. I am not doing anything to appease anyone on this board. I do things for me.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I recall it was you who stated I should just say "because I decided I want more"... but doesn't that suggest that I want more .... from him? (as usual)... Thats how he will interpret it.
MM, it's been quite awhile since I advised that. Your ex has shown by his behavior and statements since then that he is currently (and I and most of us here on your thread would contend, ever) incapable of being the one to give you more, so I wouldn't bother with this tack anymore.
You need to remember that you are dealing with an addict. No amount of reasoning will make a bit of difference. MM needs to reach her bottom and she hasn't yet.
She gets a fix each time she interacts with ExBF. It's every bit as strong as heroin or booze or whatever...it's her drug. She is protecting her drug and you can't reason someone out of drug use.
MM, my question to you..."Why are you here?"
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
