I was told in this state the kids cannot refuse to see their dad and that I must make them go if they don't want to go. Until they are 18 and can make that decision for themselves.
Don't hurt for me, pray for my kids that they can cope with this madness. Pray that J starts putting them first for a change. Pray anything for their sanity.
In other news I have the dog now. J gave me $100 which is better than nothing. My finances are pretty tight now since I bought the stove and paid this dog deposit and had to buy stuff for the dog. J has not taken care of this dog. He is losing fur, overweight and listless. I asked J what food he has been feeding him and I don't trust that dog food. His fur is loose he has dander all over and his coat is not shiny like it was. Plus J has not been buying the flea and tick meds and the heartworm meds. "I have not had the opportunity" he says. I told him we need to split that cost AND the dog hasn't had his shots this year (due in April). So guess who gets to take care of that now.
This guy can't take care of anything. What a worthless POS.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm sorry if that came off condescending. It wasn't meant to. This is an issue I worry about in my own situation and, maybe, I'm wishing I have more control than I do.
In Ohio, I know you cannot be held in contempt if your teen refuses to attend visitations. If the non-custodial spouse takes issue, then that spouse will have to ask the courts to intervene. And, even if they do intervene, there isn't much they can do when it's a teen. I also learned that having D11 in counseling would be helpful if visitation ever became an issue because I would need to prove that the visitations would be detrimental to her anxiety/peace-of-mind. I would need sound character witnesses to back me up...in that case.
Sorry about your dog. I'm sure you will get him back to healthy. Sad J couldn't even figure that one out.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
What you said didn't bother me at all. Its just that I am fine. I just hate my kids being involved in this mess.
My SIL texted me and told me she won't make it to the family wedding. She said J's niece (who thinks J is totally creepy) is planning to rescue D from the craziness and have her sit with her other cousins. I told S to stick with his cousin because they will rescue him. I said if he wanted away from the little kids to go by J's other sister (who is normal) and her husband. So the kids can get away from the madness and enjoy their family at the same time.
In other news the dog is making lots if friends.. He seems to be making himself at home. Lol. I bought some better food and brushed him really good. He looks better. Lots better.
Meeting some friends for dinner in a bit. Have to make some bake sale items for D and S's lemonade stand as well. Good thing I have an oven now. The landlord thought I got a good deal with this oven. He said he buys all his appliances off Craigslist.
I think the kids will be okay and have fun if they can get away from OW and the monsters as S calls them. J's family cares about those kids, and I think they will be okay now.
WH
Last edited by wishing, hoping; 07/12/1409:07 PM.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Good the family stepped up to the plate for your kids.
My consistent view from the start of recognizing MLC was that I would not trust my xh to look after a hamster these days - if your poor dog is anything to go by it seems they are all like this. I swear they can't look after anyone but themselves, and apparently not always that very well.
Now S says J is angry with him for spending time by his aunt and uncle. Geez...what a tool. I told him your dad will get over it. S just can't win.
Plus S texted me saying OW's brats are coming to his summer camp this week. She apparently has them this week so instead of spending time with them, she is putting them in all day camp. Nice. They can't get away even if they try!!
I am so disgusted right now. I weeded the garden a bit bit still ticked off. I feel like pulling my kids from camp this week just so they don't have to deal With those kids. I just feel like things are spinning out of control for my kids.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Hi WH, My dog that my W took is not doing at all well either. When we lived together it seemed she cared more about him than me OR her kids! Now, he is losing weight, tearing up her home and can't stand being alone. She has actually resorted to putting him in a small crate when she isn't home which would be fine if she had been doing that all along. He is an old dog and it will be hard to try and crate train him now, near the end of his life. It's so sad. The MLC just can't think of anyone or anything but them!
I would look into the having to "make" a teenager go with the other parent. There must be some way that the courts can take their wishes into account. Also, if he moves out of state, the state court can't make you send them across state lines. What are you supposed to do if a 15 or 16 year old says they just won't go? Tie them up? Seems like that isn't something that can just be done or that can be "blamed" on the custodial parent! What would happen if there was abuse of some kind? How can you be forced to send your kids into a situation that is bad for them? I don't know the laws in your state for sure but I would have a long talk with my lawyer and see what, if anything, can be done on that front. That really seems awful and counter to what is best for the kids!
You know, ow might be sending them to camp together in hopes they will get to be more friendly with each other. And although that seems like a long shot given your son's current mood, it WOULD actually be better for the kids if they got along. After all, her poor kids are stuck with her as a mom and your crazy ex!
I have talked and talked and talked with lawyers, GALs, judges, counselors, etc. They won't budge. I have spent over $25,000 on this case. I am done talking.
Unless J feeds them drugs or whips them the kids have to have time with their father. The mere fact that the kids aren't happy doesn't phase them. The courts have a formula and they do not deviate from that formula. This is their way of making it fair.
Not to be snotty but i have pursued every avenue with this. The older S gets the more say he has, but I can't deny visitation and S cannot refuse to go.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
You know, ow might be sending them to camp together in hopes they will get to be more friendly with each other. And although that seems like a long shot given your son's current mood, it WOULD actually be better for the kids if they got along. After all, her poor kids are stuck with her as a mom and your crazy ex!
I just saw this KML. Thanks for your input.
I guess her kids will be staying with her in J's house until the end of July. Not sure what is going on and why they have to be here and not in their own hometown, but I told S to please not discuss with me anymore. I said it's far too upsetting to me and I can't do anything about it. I asked him if he discussed it with his dad and he said no. I told him if he was really upset about it he needed to talk to his dad and not just tell me about it and then not confront his father. I told S I had no control over it. None so to please keep me out if it. I felt bad saying it but now that I don't live with the crazy I find it more impossible to deal with.
And yes J was mad because S stayed by his aunt and uncle all night at the wedding/reception. I told S his dad would get over it. And by the time I picked up the kids J was letting S drive his car around. I don't get that. S just turned 13 unless J wants S to start driving him around so he can have a chauffeur. Lol. S is kind of thrilled but I'm not really. I think he's too young.
I was feeling pretty crappy and when I got the kids home it all seemed to fall into place. The dog was thrilled, the kids were happy and I was making dinner for tomorrow night. S was walking the dog, D was riding her bike and I was in the kitchen. I went to check on D who was talking to the upstairs neighbors. Their niece and her kids are over for a few weeks and there are two boys and a little girl. D was playing with them nicely. They gave me an entire bag of broccoli from their garden. So nice!! And the niece told me she asked S what his favorite thing about his mom was and S replied that I was so caring and loving. She asked D and she said it was hard to pick. But she said to this woman (who D has only been around a few times) "well since we don't live with my daddy anymore my mommy is a lot happier now so I would say she's ways so happy and very loving". I really needed to hear that. I guess God knew what I needed to hear. Especially coming from a total stranger. Odd.
I wish I could protect them from all the crazy. Sometimes I think I myself am going crazy!!! They just don't need this in their lives. They are kids. So wonderful and so innocent.
WH
Last edited by wishing, hoping; 07/14/1404:15 AM.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH - you son is young to drive, but actually studies show that kids that learn early in a non illicit way usually become good and safe drivers.
Just one thing, and it isn't a criticism, just question of balance. Sometimes your son will need to vent to you about the craziness and the unfairness. otherwise he has to bottle it up and that isn't good for him. It is very easy emotionally and culturally for men to get into the habit of bottling up what is hurting.
I do get totally that it is hard for you, and in general discussing the antics of these crazy people isn't helpful to us, but it may be necessary for your son. He isn't a little kid any more but he is a long way from being an adult.
My youngest needed to vent to me about it all recently. And he is twenty seven.
So glad that your life is falling into place. You worked hard for it.
