Heather, if this man falls off the sharp cliff, I hope he takes OW with him. They can't be apart for too long you know.
Yes, he did call and leave a message that he would stop by, but I was outside trying to unload my oven, so I didn't get the message until after he left.
J called again this morning and said he told OW to pack up the stuff at her house for the dog so he can give it to me. He still hasn't given me the money he promised and with J I don't believe he will do anything until he actually does it. He said he would give me a check. HA! Will it be any good? He better know that he will never hear the end of it if it isn't.
J wants to get together so we can go over paystubs and set a basis for exchanging financial information. He asked me if I had variable expenses already and I said yes, but he said he had none. Well duh...who do you think pays for most of the kids' stuff? It isn't J, the wonder dad.. It's poor WH who puts the kids first all the time.
I was talking to a friend about my conversation with J and she said I don't believe he would defend you to OW, and I said J would for two reasons: One, J loves drama and is probably stirring the pot with OW. He used to defend his first ex to me whenever I got frustrated with her antics and OW will not escape that path. J loves to pit people against each other. His mother was a pro at that as well. Two, J knows that I will do anything for those kids and if he ticks me off too much, then he has lost his backup for the kids. He is trying to butter his bread on both sides without making a mess.
And yes, Heather, I am sure he loves the fantasy in his head that two women are "fighting" over him. GAG. I'm not fighting over him. I am not fighting period.
This guy is off his rocker.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Oh, don't confuse my surprise with ACTUAL surprise! This is par for the course with this guy. I think they ALL defend OW. In MC, Smokey said that OW was a good lady. I will never forget that.
I guess it's just the balls this guy has in your situation. I mean to come to YOUR NEW HOUSE...the one he forced YOU INTO...and DEFEND the OW AND, AND, AND ask YOU to be nicer???? After you have allowed her into your home, watched them set up housekeeping in your family home and endured countless BB games, birthdays, etc...What planet does he live on? I'm surprised, but I'm not.
What a sick, ARROGANT bast@rd.
How can you establish more boundaries as you go along? I know you worry about the kids being left on their own to fend against this evil...but, you are expecting so much from yourself Wishing. Seems like you are still in the thick of it. I know you are in thick of it for the kids...but, if it's in your face constantly, how can you heal?
Last edited by LoisB; 07/11/1403:29 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You know, Heather, I have my moments, but I am fine. J is asking me to be nicer because OW and her folks are giving him money. She's not happy, he's worried his money tree might wither and die. And honestly I don't care. I don't have to be "nicer" and I don't have to "like" her and I said my peace to J. He is trying to butter his bread on both sides like I said. This man is crazy. He's a real POS. I am coming to accept that fact, but that doesn't mean I have to accept his crazy in my life.
And it's not in my face constantly. I won't allow it. She wants to go to kids' functions, fine. I can't stop her I guess. But that doesn't mean I have to associate with her and if she and J want to think I am the evil devil woman then fine. I don't care. I can wear that badge with pride.
According to J he is telling OW to be nicer to me. I don't care. Let her be a b*tch to me then it's hats off, folks. She thinks I purposely aggravate her? HA! I have not yet begun to aggravate her. I told J I am never around her, so how could I possibly aggravate her? If she doesn't like it then she can leave. I was here first. LOL.
Reality is settling in for J and it's not pretty. My kids see through this act and things are getting ugly. J wants me to smooth things over with the kids and I am not doing it. Not. Doing. It.
He made his rumpled bed, now he can sleep in it. If he can get OW to move over.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
On the bright side, I'd miss these soap opera antics of his if you were to shut him out completely. It's so much better than the Young & the Restless...more like the middle-aged, insane and crippled.
I will keep watching.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
But it felt good last night to lay it on the line with J. OW probably put him up to it. Was probably offended because I didn't talk to her and I didn't engage in conversation with her. She seems like one of those that has to stick her nose in everyone's business even if it doesn't affect her. She also seems to be one of those that has to have everyone like her.
I don't like her and I don't have to like her. My kids don't like her, my dog doesn't like her and my friends don't like her. This isn't the J and OW show, although it does seem like comedy hour from time to time.
I am just going to let things unravel from a distance. Although I wish I could scoop up my kids and get them as away from the insanity as possible. But at least this way they can see what it really is about and that mom isn't just mad at dad and making things up.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I have tremendous respect for your ability to stand your sane ground, within the insanity, as a beam of stability for your kids. I'm sure this will be invaluable. I really do respect your willingness to BE in the mix. My siblings and I didn't have this when my dad married his OW. I can see how helpful it would have been to have my mom as the sane party...always there if we needed her. We were left to fend for ourselves. I get it.
It's like having a safety net in the background, always there to step in, if need be.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Oh yes, now I remember. It was a blue cape with white stars and it tied around her neck, right?
Capes get in the way of serious business. Remember "The Incredibles"? No capes. J can have a cape for his "superdad of the year" costume. I sure it comes in camo with a matching beret and fluorescent yellow socks.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wait. So J can pull all this crap with you and the kids and then pin it all on you and the new OW? He can just step aside while you two duke it out?
Seems wrong to me somehow. Ironically, I felt a similar attempt being made by ex not long ago. It struck me as odd. My way of dealing with it? I don't talk to either of them. I'll talk to her if and when necessary, but he has absolutely nothing I need. Nada. I neither need to get angry with him nor happy about him. I don't have to like him nor do I have to dislike him. He's a lot like the cardboard that my television came in. I see it, but I don't really get excited about it.
Food for thought,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
