Well guys not much to report. I am moved into my own place (FINALLY out of that other apartment dungeon after two months) and have NC with WAW since we cleaned out the old place 10 days ago. She was cool as a cucumber that day...her Mom was there helping us clean. We all got along as always. WAW was in WAW mode all day...no emotional incidents as in days before. It was pretty uneventful. Then came the good bye...she opened her arms to hug me and hugged me half-heartedly and that was that. Then for a moment she wasn't the WAW as I was walking to my car she said "you be safe" in a totally different tone. That was the last time I saw her. So if there's any news I will let you know but for now I only expect to see her to go to the bank whenever our security deposit refund check comes and when we go before the Judge in about 3 months or so. If anything happens in the meantime I will let you all know. Hope all of you are doing okay with your sitches.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Do not give up hope, and keep to the NC. It really does make a difference in a lot of situations...mine included. It is hard (easier if you are able to truly detach) but you can do it. Do not quit posting. Post every day or so, even if there is nothing substantial. Post your feelings, emotions, etc. Many people here will relate to what you are going through and will be able to offer keys and tools to help you get through it. This place really is good therapy. You only have to look at recent posts by Thornton to know things can go from bleak to joyous in a single day. So keep your chin up, and spend this time doing what you can to improve yourself.
This is where the real difference and changes can be made in your R. This is the time apart that really counts.
Best of luck my friend!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Thanks pilot! Yes, I am taking things one day at a time. It doesn't hurt so much being in NC. I am kind of starting to feel like a chapter in my life has closed...and I don't want to go back. I guess that's as it should be because any R the WAW and I may have in the future needs to be a new one...from scratch. I really feel a bit guilty, almost like I should be more upset than I am. Almost like my GAL and PMA has gone into overdrive. I don't know if this makes sense but it's the only way I can describe how I feel these days. I appreciate your advice and kind words. Thank you and I will keep checking in here.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I'm glad you are hanging in there and doing well with GAL. Keep going and stay NC. I truly believe hardcore NC is what turned my sitch around.
I think she really thought she was going to lose me! Of course, I would have never believed that in a million years while I was in it. But giving her time and space with me no where in sight proved to be beneficial. I think it gave her time to really think about the importance of me in her life (and vice versa).
Yes Thorn I just posted in your thread! I am so totally and completely happy for you I can't put it into words! So happy is all I can say!! An small update for me...the WAW sent me an e-mail (actually from her personal e-mail account...as I said previous she was only e-mailing me from her work.) She also called my parent's because she doesn't know where I live and doesn't have my cell number. Our court date is this coming Thursday and she wanted to inform me of that. So I will be seeing WAW then to go before the Judge. They sure did that fast. Anyway, I am still playing it cool with her...replied politely and that was it. She replied back with some info about our security deposit and how she's going to need me to go to the bank with her to cash the check in about a month. Other than that it looks like the divorce is finally going to happen. I will keep you all posted.
Once again however, I find my joy for Thorn overshadowing my own sadness. Such great news my friend!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Sorry to hear about your WAW continuing with the D process...just keep GAL and let her see you at looking your best and being polite at the court date. Get out all your feelings prior so she doesn't see the hurt/anger from you. You are in my thoughts. Take care
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Dude, your sitch is so far from over. Don't sweat the court proceedings.
I went through that with my now Exw. She chased after me after we divorced. She still flirts with me and is engaged to another man, it's crazy. I know she regrets it.
Keep making yourself a better man, you can't lose if you follow that approach.
Thanks guys. Well the WAW e-mail correspondence about the court date was light and friendly as I mentioned. I even cracked a couple jokes in my reply to her. Then came her next reply...
She said she is really mad at me. She said she's heard that I am doing things and going places I would never take her to. She said she feels as if she wasn't worth it to me. She said "you haven't skipped a beat since I left." She ended the e-mail with saying she felt like hurting herself.
I replied, of course and basically told her that I was going to call her parents and tell them what she said. I then went over all of our issues again. She said with Thursday looming (the divorce court date) she was reflecting on the things that led to this and she was angry that my changes came after she'd already left. I basically told her if she has ANY doubts at all, we should not proceed with the divorce...that there is nothing wrong with an indefinite separation. I offered to meet with her in person because I felt like she was worth an in person meeting to talk about these important things versus an impersonal e-mail. She said if she thought she could get together as just friends she would be there "in a heartbeat" because she misses her friend ItHurts terribly. But she said we'd eventually start talking in circles about the same things again and that wouldn't be fair to me. She said she wishes she had made it more clear the things she wanted different...and that part of her wants to go back, but that going forward alone so she can find herself is the only way. She said going forward has to be about her and her alone. She wants to relocate to Florida in the next 6 months and start over again. She said she will always love me and thanked me for all the good things I brought to her life. She said I deserve a better woman than her, someone more suited to me. There is nothing that ever went on with OM either it seems beyond the phone calls.
I did ask her what happens if a year from now we realize we both messed up and after seeing other people we realize that what we had was super rare? Then what if we're divorced? She basically said she wasn't the right person for me. That she needs to find herself. She misses the friendship we once had. She said she knows she hurt me immensely and she is very sorry for that.
As the conversation went on she was basically talking in this same tone that she is not the right person for me. That she isn't good enough and that she's done enough damage already to me. So she still wants to go through with the divorce and of course I said that's fine, that I will do whatever she wants. So that's how we left it.
So it's not looking good my friends, the divorce is still happening in spite of me trying to explain to her that she clearly has doubts about it and that she shouldn't make such a final decision if there is even a shred of doubt. She didn't listen and I am back to simply obliging her.
I will keep you guys updated but at this point I don't expect to hear from her until we are in court Thursday morning. The end is near now and I have failed to save my marriage sadly. There is just no getting her to budge on this. Thank you all for your replies here as well, I appreciate it.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
ItHurts, I'm so sorry you are going through this! The sad reality is that we cannot save or make our WAS's happy. They have to do that on there own. My H has very low self worth and a lot of what your W said is similar to his statements. Good luck! You've done a great job finding your own life and you deserve happiness.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
IH, your W is very conflicted. I heard almost all of things verbatim when WAW left me.
Keep in mind, the way she feels, is the way she FEELS RIGHT NOW. Feelings can/do change on a daily basis.
I honestly don't think it's over. I really don't. She's processing her feelings right now, it's obvious she confused at the moment.
She's hurting right now. If she's hurting, there something still there. Now if you told me she seems completely indifferent, I might think otherwise. I just don't think she's done.
Keep letting her vent and just listen to her. It will help her process her feelings.
Sorry to hear about your WAW continuing with the D process...just keep GAL and let her see you at looking your best and being polite at the court date. Get out all your feelings prior so she doesn't see the hurt/anger from you. You are in my thoughts. Take care