Next chapter....coming up!

[mishka422]

Oh and did I mention the hot water tank in the new place doesn't work and we've been taking cold showers?

I'm over it! Time for a drink.

[kat727]

Does Marc have another friend that actually owns the car that can take him? Or are this other kids parents willing to add him onto the title?

Get on the phone with your friend the landlord. You can't be expected to pay for everything to fix the house up.

So when you are talking about your friend and the vacation, you have already paid for your part right? Can someone else go in her place ?

Think positive thoughts and take one thing at a time and fix things from there. No one expects you to tackle it all at once.

kat

[mishka422]

I'm working on the positive thinking. It's a huge struggle.

Marc only has 1 friend that drives and that's the one that fell through. Gabe called the DDS and asked if he could test in our car since the only thing not working is one front turn signal. Nope. So he asked if he could rent a car and bring him down there and let him test in that and they said yes. I can't imagine that being correct since Marc can't legally drive a rental vehicle but that's what they told him and it's our only option. Still sweating it out on that one.

I finally was able to get in touch with our landlord/friend. She has a 2 year old with cancer so she is sometimes very hard to reach depending on the chemo treatments. She called me back last night and is calling her 'guy' who handles plumbing issues to see when he can come take a look at it. I hope he can fix it soon because I am seriously sick of cold showers!

One problem solved! My friend convinced her supervisors to still let her take the time off! Thank heavens. It was a VERY cheap trip but it's something we have been looking forward to for a long time. Just she and I relaxing and having fun together. No spouses, no kids, no parents....just us. We haven't done that in about 12 years.

[kat727]

Um, that is 3 problems solved! I would say get the turn signal fixed on your car as it will probably be cheaper than the rental.

Your friend is getting her guy to fix the hot water heater and your BFF gets to go on your trip. Live is falling into place.

Hugs, kat

[mishka422]

The turn signal is out because Gabe hit a deer. My front end is smashed up a bit and something is wrong with the electrical over there. Estimate to fix it without the body work is $700. That's moneyI don't have sitting around right now. 😢

[mishka422]

I'm slowly unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I'm not in any huge rush since all the essentials are in place. It's just the little touches that really need to be done. It will get there.

[mishka422]

Well, in Gabe's own words to his sister tonight during a phone call for his birthday......."marriage is overrated".

So ends that.

[SunFunOne]

Mish,

I'm so sorry for how this hurts you. And I probably understand it better than anyone as I have wanted for Josh to want to get married for 10 years now. But I've taken stock of our situation & realize that I have a good man - just as you do and love the life we are living together. No bonds of marriage are going to improve that. In fact - Josh worries that marriage could wreck it.

I don't believe that Gabe is going anywhere. I hope you can appreciate what the 2 of you have and continue to grow as a couple, especially after Marc is gone.

Hugs to you as I know how much those words hurt. But ask yourself if you are happier with your current situation or if he was gone. Sometimes we have to accept the compromise and just move fwd.

Barb

[kat727]

But you also have to realize that you only heard one side of the conversation. You know that he didn't say that while talking to you about getting remarried. Perhaps she was having problems in her own situation. You just can't jump to conclusions.

Hugs, kat

[mishka422]

He was on speaker phone with her sitting right across from me.

When he hung up I asked him why he said that marriage was overrated. He said that he doesn't feel marriage is important. People live together for years, have kids, then they get married for some reason or other and end up divorced. Why go through all of that? That was the point he was making to his sister. They were having a conversation about their mom. She is losing her apartment (subsidized housing being torn down by a developer and she can't find a place to live that she can afford.) His sister has a nice apartment and is never there. She is always at her boyfriend's house or on the road (she is an actress and travels a lot for work). He asked her why she didn't ask their mom to live at her place at least until she could find somewhere to live that she could afford or better yet, she could just move in with her long term boyfriend since she's never home anyway. She vehemently rejected that idea. She said she 'won't move in until there is a ring on it because she's old-fashioned that way' Ummmm.....ok......she is the most liberal person I know! She is all up in arms about living with her boyfriend? That just seemed weird to me but whatever. So, Gabe told her marriage was overrated.

I got a little teary eyed while talking to him about it afterward. He told me how he felt about it and I told him that in my eyes marriage is a deeper commitment and it's important in helping create a greater connection.

Yes, I am going to have to decide if I can continue to live like this. My heart and head being at war with each other is truly exhausting. My head says that he isn't going anywhere...where the heck would he go? The small voice in my head answers that with 'to the next OW he finds because he's not tied to you in any way...not that it matters'. My heart says that he loves me but my heart wants him to commit to me fully.

I don't know if I deserve that. I know I want it. What we want and what we deserve are not always compatible.

*sigh*

I need to digest this for a while.