one day at a time

[twinmom]

My other thread was locked so time to start a new one.

I feel like I am starting from square one. H is still here on the couch. The baby's room is right next to the living room so he takes care of her all night only bringing her to me when she is hungry. I struggle to detach as H joins us for dinner every night, and pretty much all family activities. The only thing he doesn't do is go to church. I am very curious about this. I don't know why he joins us for movies/dinner out/festivals/evening walks but won't go to mass with us. I don't ask him to go to anything and won't ask him why but it does make me wonder.

I have not looked at his phone in at least 3 weeks so I have no clue if he is still trying to get OW to give him another chance, nor do I really care. I just try to be as friendly/unemotional as possible. I have so many flashes of anger/almost hate and it is so hard not to lash out at him.

I do not bring up R talks but I fear that H thinks we are good friends because he is out of sight out of mind type person so I could use a little advice in this area.

[Maybell]

Twinmom, knowing how hard it is to detach when I see my H for a couple of hours once a week, I really admire your strength of character in coexisting with him under your current circumstances. No advice, but sending good warm vibes.

[mdu]

Twinmom, I think you are doing amazing, especially given the circumstance. I think you are detaching more than you realize by not asking about R, why he does not go to Mass, etc. Sending you continued strength.

[twinmom]

So I lost it last night. I went off on H letting him have all my anger and hurt and frustration. He said he still loves OW. He said he was sorry for hurting me blah blah blah. I told him he has to get out that I am so angry with him and can't stand even looking at him. He said ok. He asked if I would be willing to try and work things out POSSIBLY sometime in the future to which I said I dont think so

Today he tells me my hair looks nice and I still turn him on. Last night he kept telling me thank you for giving him 3 amazing children blah blah blah........... I stood my ground and insisted he find somewhere to live. Now to see if he actually does. He is supposed to be out by Sunday afternoon.

[Ggrass]

Go girl. Way to go twin mom.

Stand up for you.

[mishka422]

Good job standing up for yourself!

[Maybell]

That must have been hard. But it sounds like, perhaps a bit satisfying?

So what's his status?

Thinking of you!

[twinmom]

So last night I went out with friends. Lillian is taking a bottle (the twins never did) I went to dinner and a movie. Btw Tammy wasn't as funny as I thought it would be.

H said I looked good and turned him on. (Yea I had lots of makeup on a skirt and REALLY high wedges) I didn't respond to that.

I had a few drinks and got home really really late. I had sent H a text telling him to take more milk out of the freezer that I was drinking and would need to pump and throw away when I got home instead of nursing. H actually told me to enjoy myself, he hates when I even have one drink so I assumed he would be really angry with me. I didn't make it to church this morning. H (who is supposed to be packing) asked if I wanted to go to 4:30 Mass at another church and then out to dinner with his parents and a few of his brothers. Ummmmmmm wth?!?!?!

H tells me he hasn't been going to church because he is embarrassed that I have been taking the kids every week by myself and people think badly of him about that. (And only Father and like 3 people actually know what he did) so he is happy I didn't go to church this morning because now he can go with. Ughhhhhhh

H asks for sex this morning. I told him no that he doesn't love me and I can't do the random fu$@ thing. He tells me he can give me the emotion part of sex as well as the physical part. I told him no and went to target.

[twinmom]

Oh and during my blow up with him I yelled at him for giving me sh$$ about the Sprint bill being in his name still and him asking when I was planning on getting a job.

His response was how was I supposed to look for a job 8mo pregnant? Ummmmmmm no crap Sherlock! I told him I thought it was bull that I cracked my screen but still made do with my phone because of the cost of buying a new one/extending the contract but the moment he drops his phone and cracks the screen he rushes out and gets a new one on OW family plan.

He claims to have told me to go but a new phone and that he didn't care about cost or contract that I deserved a new phone. Yea, whatever jerk you never said that.
So I went Friday and got a new phone. I like android and had the Galaxy S 5 but the iPhone 5 was cheaper and BLUE (my absolute favorite color) so I went with that.

Getting used to the difference between android and apple operating systems. So far not liking it. :0(

[mishka422]

He has some serious cajones! What a jerk!

I'm sorry hun, you have to get him out of the house ASAP!