I'm no vet CS but perhaps when you go there just sit and listen. See what he has to say. Only then will you have a better understanding of what he is thinking/feeling.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
Thanks bashy. I am going to just go and see how it goes. It is hard when I see all the issues and like his 3 kids saw me today and wouldn't even say "Hi" smile or look at me. Things like that make it even more concrete that we cannot be together and this D is better.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Well we went to the appointment today with our old MC and I don't know if it made a difference. My STBXH said things for him are black and white. Like he wants to be with me but can't deal with my sisters and my kids so therefore he can't be with me. Our MC asked if any gray could be possible for him and my STBXH said he didn't see that as he has felt happier, less stressed and relaxed since we separated and now getting divorced. I was honest and said that I had hoped for a future for us but I don't see it as my STBXH deals only in absolutes. My MC asked what it would look like if I could have my STBXH and everything else ideally and I couldn't picture it at all. My STBXH told me that he is trying to get to the gray area so to speak where there is more possibilities as to how we could be together. My STBXH also is very hurt and upset that I didn't make more of an effort with his kids and angry that I tried more after he dropped the BD. My STBXH also is upset that I gave in to my kids and didn't support him in how to raise them and be more strict. I know that I can't change his mind or feelings. He also mentioned feeling pressured when I ask for reassurance from him and for the future which I have done and shouldn't. He asks me to be open about my feelings but when I do too much he feels pressured and scared. My daughter is also leaving tomorrow for Japan and I am being called by my extended family that I am doing the wrong thing. My life is in shambles
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Is there anyway he will compromise on any issues he has? If "he is trying to get to the gray area so to speak where there is more possibilities as to how we could be together" then is this not something he will work on?
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
Hi CSan00, sorry I havn't read your back story yet, but this jumped out at me.
Originally Posted By: CSan00
... and I am being called by my extended family that I am doing the wrong thing. My life is in shambles.
Don't forget, your family will want to protect you and make you feel all right: they will want get you out of a situation where you are unhappy. It's good to have support, but remember they will be biased, they do not neccesarily know what the best thing for you and your relationship is.
Your life may be a shambles now, but you can rebuild it.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Thank you all. We will be seeing our old MC again this coming Wednesday to see if we can come to some type of resolution to both of our feelings. My family is calling in regards to me deciding to have my D 17 live with her father in Japan as he is in the military. My family tells me that I am giving up on her and throwing her to the lions without any protection. I really am trying to do the best for her and I do love her however I need her dad's help and all my family has ever done with my kids is under mind me and tell me what to do and take over. I love my mom but she has told me that she sees my kids as hers. This has always been an issue for me with my family that they overstep and I would get heat for having boundaries...
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I think I will take a break from DB as I at a loss of how I feel and have no firm ground. Exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. Right now all I can see are my failures and I know that if I took time to listen, my M would be intact along with other issues that I have not resolved. Sorry just feel down
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I just wanted to reach out and send a hug! It has been a rough week for a lot of people I think. At least he went to MC. Sorry I try to see the positives in things.
You are the mother of your D. You have to make the decision that you feel is in her best interest. I haven't read your entire sitch so I'm sorry I can't offer more advice at this time.
Just know that we are all here for you and rooting for you. Work on yojrsrlf and know that whether this journey ends with or without your H you have been given a gift of being the best you that you can be. I personally feel that posting helps me. I don't know about you but me just typing things out helps relieve some stress or frustration. It also helps me from avoiding responding emotionally to H
Hugs!
And as far as if you would have done this or done that .. I still think that .. I still posted about it today. But hindsight is what it is. We can only change the future. Fix what YOU can fix now for you, to be a better W to either your H or your next relationship. And who knows - maybe if you did listen or did communicate better. Who is to say H wouldn't have had something else that bothered him? Playing devils advocate - don't beat yourself up. Own your faults and work on them for you
