Wife's mental illness and hard decision

[Lifes Twists]

Well my wife's family lied to our kids today that mom would be too busy to visit and probably picked up wife from psychiatric ward at local hospital. Kids are very upset and angry.

I am now thinking the best thing to protect myself and my kids will be to file for divorce on Monday. I expect a nasty fight. I will be seeking full custody of my daughters. I will also seek child support and full ownership of the house.

Unfortunately my wife is mentally ill. The kids have visited her over the past week and have seen this as well. My wife tried recently to give one daughter Valium for a cold. She is not well and needs help. Unfortunately the medical community has let her down by releasing her this early. My kids have asked me why they would do this given how sick she is.

Boy, can things get any worse?

[Upwards]

LT I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position, it must be heartbreaking you have to do what's right for you & your children though, I'm sure you haven't come to this conclusion lightly.

I hope your W gets the help that she clearly needs & your children aren't too badly affected by this, your an amazing father and they are very lucky to have you.

Take care of yourself.

[SemperFi00]

LT, sounds like you are continuing to handle the situation well and are in a tough position.

IMO you cannot go wrong by taking care of yourself, your daughters and maintaining some compassion for your W's struggles.

Stay strong!

[Lifes Twists]

So, today I am feeling anger towards my wife. Last year she kept screwing up the divorce regardless of how many agreements we did. All during this period I told her I was against divorce but would not stand in her way. She ran out of money for her attorney and pulled the divorce. This time when I don't say anything but lets get it done she tries to commit suicide 1/2 hour later.

What I am feeling anger about is that I feel like a hostage. Everything that has happened has been the product of her mental illness and the toll it has taken on our family.

Right now now I have decided that she still needs to file for the divorce. I am afraid I will just go through last year again with her screwing it up and lots of money spent.

I am trying to concentrate on taking care of my daughters and myself right now. I am afraid if I were to file she will try suicide again and if she files and I don't fight it she will also try suicide again. I feel like I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. Boy, do I have stuff to talk over with counselor tomorrow.

[prometheus]

Hi Lifes Twists,

Thank you for posting on my thread. I really appreciate it. You sure sounf in turmoil...

I am trying to concentrate on taking care of my daughters and myself right now.

That ^^^ is all the advice that i could offer, along with what the people have posted above. Sure, help your wife if she needs some immediate physical assistance, be the friendly neighbour...compassion and understanding may be the best things you can offer her right now. Going by what i have read of your situation on your thread, focussing on your marriage would not be at the top of your to-do list? It seems clear that your wife won't be ready to deal with it, at least the short term.

Your daughters will need you more than ever right now. They must be hurting - even if they aren't showing it. Do you have any family members who could help out? Someone the kids get along with?

I hope that what i have written is not offensive to you. I only offer it up in the hope i might assist in some small way.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Prometheus,

I never take offense at words when offered in support.

Right now I have my elderly parents to help me out. Unfortunately my wife's sister took the opportunity to make this another all about her situation and lied to my daughters. This caused my daughters some pain and anger that I had to deal with. Basically, I cannot rely on my wife's family for anything but trouble. I am now basically shutting them out and focusing on my daughters.

My wife's family is doing their usual to set my wife up in another situation that she cannot handle. Instead of taking her in at one of their houses to give her time to recoup and heal, they have chosen to return her to the apartment she shared with our girls where she will be left alone. I am so angry with their pour decisions. I pray my wife will get the help she needs and survives in spite of her families actions.

I have a very busy life now compared to just a couple weeks ago. My middle daughter has her senior prom this coming Friday. I am taking all three girls out some evening to the Cheese Cake Factory to celebrate my oldest getting straight As for her second semester of college. I have to start setting up for my youngest having her 15th birthday. I is going to be a campout and bonfire in the back yard next weekend. So I am running all the time now and not much of a chance to catch my breath. Advice for anyone who is trying to figure out how to GAL I can suggest getting three teenage girls in your home:)

So, most of life is good right now. The other part will just have to work its way out one way or the other.

[Lifes Twists]

The weekend has been good so far. My middle daughter had her senior prom Friday evening. She looked fantastic and I was so proud how she handled everything since her mother was unavailable. I heard she turned quite a few heads at the prom.

Yesterday the girls went to the amusement park for a while. I picked the youngest up there late in the day and we got a bite to eat and went to cabela's to get fishing supplies. She suprised me this spring by asking me to take her fishing. The older two where going to a bonfire and sleep over last night. No calls so must have gone good.

I have not heard from nor tried to call wife. My understanding is her family has moved her back into the apartment. I expect they will leave her alone there without much of a support system.

I have decided to not push anything. If she wants to pursue the divorce, she will have to file herself. I hope she does not go the divorce route right now. DCF has recommended I pursue custody of our daughters through the court system. If a divorce were to be started, I expect my wife would loose custody, she would have to pay child support. I also suspect she may loose the house because of the damage she has caused to both our credit.

My daughters have seen her twice since she got out. They saw her on Monday. They did not go on Tuesday or Wednesday. On Wednesday my wife did something I have never sen her do. She called to girls to see how they were doing. I hope this is a small sign of some good changes.

I continue to focus on myself and my girls. They have lots of plans for things to do. I am having quite a change of life now with them fully back in my life. What an incredible change of circumstances from one year ago.

[Lifes Twists]

This has been a god weekend so far. On Friday we had the sleep over birthday party for my now 15 year old. Even though it rained everyone had a good time. I was able to sneak in a few pictures.

The girls are settling in. I think they are all happier now that they have room to spread out a bit and not be in each others faces all the time in a cramped apartment. Sibling will fight, just not at the level of what was happening.

The girls see their mother at times. I don't push it, just let them decide when they will do it. I feel if she wants to see them she needs to reach out. Right now most of the times she has been contacting them its to remind them of an appointment and such. I hope she will eventually reach out to ask them to do fun things. It would be good for her to figure out how to have fun and let go a bit. She could learn to try some of the things the girls want to do and be less uptight about it. I hope her therapy will help her in trying to be less serious all the time.I hope she will allow the girls to se that they can have fun with their mom too.

I am not contacting her unless it is about something regarding the girls. I keep it short and too the point. I think it is best to go limited to no contact and let her travel down her own path. I am hoping her family will get less involved with her life. They all have issues of their own and all should be in some level of counseling as they all probably have some level of depression.I think they will keep my wife from having the opportunity to heal as long as they push their own issues onto her. I say a prayer for her each day that she will learn that happiness comes from within and that it cannot be chased.

Today we are doing stuff around the house and getting ready to go surf fishing in Rhode island tomorrow. The girls have been asking me to take them since January.Should be a fun day with my girls.

[SemperFi00]

LT, glad to hear that things have stabilized a bit.

Nice to hear that even in these difficult times you still seem to have some empathy for what W is experiencing. Speaks to who you are as an individual.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hope the fishing was good. Stay strong!

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks Semperfi. Beach was cold so girls did not last long. We will go again soon.

It has been a month since wife tried to commit suicide. Life in the house is now starting to be what I think is typical for a father raising three teen daughters. The girls are starting to open up and share things with me that they would have gone to their mom before. I am learning as every father does how to accept boys in the house. I feel my daughters like having someone who wants to know where they are and when they are coming home. At first they told me to butt out, that mom never asked and they came and left when they wanted. They seem to be accepting that I am not telling them what to do, but rather concerned for their well being. It has been a big change in my role for them. I used to have to be the enforcer. My wife pushed me into that role. I can see now that I like this role better and it is more balanced than before.

I don't know much about my wife situation. I have not spoken to her in a month. I know that her family seems to be rotating through to stay with her. I am glad that they are at least doing that.

My plan right now is to continue to build on the good things going on between me and my girls. I am going to try and also get a bit of a life outside my girls when it seems right. I don't plan on any contact with my wife. I will wait till she reaches out to me. For now I work on myself.