CSan - Filed, moving and life goes on....

[CS000]

I don't know if this will get any vet's to chime in but my STBXH talked to me on Friday night and he appears to be reaching out to me however,this is totally contradictory to us both living apart and the divorce becoming final in 2 weeks. I'm really not sure what this is or means

[Thornton]

Im not a vet, but I'm curious what WAH said.

What did he do to reach out?

[CS000]

Well we met up after his retirement ceremony and he told me that he was going out on a limb by telling me that he still loves me, wants to see me and feels comfort with me. My STBXH also went to see our old MC to talk about how he's been feeling. He also said that he would like to see her together if I am fine with it. I don't know what to think as the D is almost finalized,I have moved into an apartment and we are separating bills and insurance. Thoughts? ??

[Maybell]

What do you want? You don't have to finalize the divorce AND you don't have to undo all the separation while you explore this to the degree you feel comfortable. Right?

[CS000]

MB, the D being finalized can't be stopped or undone as we are just waiting for the judge to sign. I'm not wanting to undo the separation either. My STBXH mentioned seeing our old MC for closure or restart. He told me today that he feels confused about his feelings for me and is afraid that he is hurting me more by seeing me and telling me how he feels. I have more questions and fear of getting hurt

[CS000]

I wonder how things can be so opposite. Like him saying he feels love for me, asking to see me yet for all intent and purpose, the D is happening? I feel like I am missing something here

[stumps]

I'm no vet, but that all sounds like positive movement to me. Maybe H is just getting the divorce version of cold feet, or maybe he's at the beginning of a real change of heart. I would certainly follow up with seeing the MC with him. Everything can be (and should be) taken as slow as possible.

The separation agreement and divorce decree... Well, they're just like marriage right? Just pieces of paper. I would look at them as providing you with a way to get a truly fresh start with H, if that ends up being what he (and you) want.

[Maybell]

Stumps, that's a great perspective.

CSan, for what it's worth, I personally know several couples who got remarried after the divorce (one in my family).

I would DEFINITELY not move to undo the separation and the divorce is out of your hands so revisiting just to see where things are between you is an option that doesn't really have any consequences, right? The most you have to lose is some time with the MC.

You mention fearing new hurt. Are you still hurting now? Do you sense change in him that would alter your ability to feel at peace?

On other threads a lot of spouses say they NEED the divorce in order to address the issues in the M. It doesn't sound rational to a lot of us but it's true for them. Is it possible that your H feeling free makes it easier for him to address things with you, he doesn't feel trapped so he is more honest?

But the question stands: What do you WANT?

[CS000]

Thanks Stumps, it does seem a bit more positive.

MB, my STBXH had mentioned remarriage but now he states that he can't be a parent to my boys as he and I have 2 different types of parenting and that can't be resolved. So I a left with thinking what is left then. My STBXH has decided that the D is for the best for us all and he has issues with my family. All these negatives are huge and I don't see my STBXH wanting to deal or overcome them. My STBXH is also working on his issues in IC including for PTSD. I hate to say a R is impossible but on paper it seems that way.
I am grieving for our M and feel sad for what was lost...To see my STBXH has been nice but confusing as to what is this and I don't want to get hurt again. I wish we could truly have a restart but I don't see how with all the issues and hurt?

[CS000]

We are meeting with our old MC tomorrow evening and driving there and back together. I am not sure what I see happening