The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball.

[wishing, hoping]

Fortunately my cell reception in my home is spotty at best. So calls drop frequently if you get my drift. ; )

But unfortunately, J and I do have to handle the kids and since we both live in the same town, there is a lot of coordinating that needs to happen. And J forgets things A LOT so I need to call and ask him where things are. DON'T THINK for a second that it's unintentional. I have known J for 15 years and he doesn't fool me for one second.

I know OW isn't better than me. D was telling me this morning than OW picks her up from camp often because she doesn't have a job, but she needs to get a job. LOL! I don't know where that came from, but I can only guess. I have a feeling J's patience level with this woman sitting on her butt for the summer doing nothing is losing charm. I think she is just here for the summer, until school starts back in session. S said something about her being there until the end of July. God knows what those two clowns are scheming or what bright idea they had. Money is gonna get tight soon, and then the bloom will be off the rose for real.

I am trying to concentrate on my own life and making things better. Slowly paying off debt, although it's not quickly enough for my taste. But I am trying to not make things too tight. Now that things are final I am paying my own insurance which takes quite a chunk out of my check, plus my support is a bit lower since I have to contribute to H's insurance for the kids. AND now that I get maintenance, I have to pay taxes on that income, so I need to be smart. But there are things I want to purchase, like the patio table. I can't find one I am willing to put money down on. PLUS I am considering moving next summer if I can find another rental and I don't want to have to move a patio table. And I want to take the kids camping (tent style) so would like to find some air mattresses and I am hoping since it is coming end of season I can find a couple on clearance. I can borrow one from J but I want to ask him for as little as possible.

WH

[Matt165]

Hi WH,
I was just having a talk about how big a deal it is to live with someone. She is thinking of moving in with her BF because it will be easier for her to get a job and go to school as he lives downtown close to campus. I told her all those reasons are true, but that moving in together is a BIG step and one that may not turn out well. Why is it that so many MLCers seem to be so quick to start living with OW? I mean, really, when you live together you're pretty much doing the same things as if you were married just not the commitment. I don't see myself just asking some woman I'm dating after the D is final to move in with me AND my kids! They are so unable to even try to fix a many year M but so quick to start living with another person! Making their kids deal with another person they know helped end their family on a daily basis. Why is this? I'm guessing it's just part of the glitch in their heads!

Just something I was wondering about.

[wishing, hoping]

Hi Matt

I have no idea WHAT is going on in their heads. I know my X has this woman living there basically to watch the dog and to pick up the kids if he can't get there on time. Basically she is a servant, but she doesn't see it that way I am sure. Of course, she isn't a very good housekeeper. J used to rave about how clean I kept the house especially considering I worked a full-time job, took care of two kids and a dog PLUS cooked three meals a day and ran the household without a glitch. Well OW has a lot to live up to.

I hate paydays. Don't get me wrong, I like to get paid, but it's the day I pay my bills and work out my budget and that makes me nervous. I should be fine, but I always get carried away and start imagining the worst. I am my own worst enemy. Good thing, two more payments and another bill is paid off. I am trying Dave Ramsey's debt snowball. It takes time and I am not the most patient person, but I am determined.

The kids and I are taking a trip to North Carolina next month to visit my family. We were investigating flying, but it's not cost effective at all. I hate to spend all that time in the car, but at least then the kids can see the country. I have good memories of that with my mom and dad. They can spend some good quality time with their grandmother as well.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So S is back from his mission trip. He had a wonderful time and made lots of new friends. Unfortunately he and his girlfriend broke up. Lots of tension and being apart from each other and they decided to be just friends. He seems okay and rather mature about it.

He got home tonight and was dropped off at J's house. J called me right away and told me S was home. He asked me if I wanted to come over to see him and I said I wanted to see him but was unsure about going over there. He said "I would feel bad if you didnt get to see S. Please come over." I said I was still unsure. I talked to S and he begged me to come over because he wanted to see me. So I did. I told J I would be over in a few minutes.

I got there and J was working on the platform for the sky glider he built, S was outside as was OW and her kids. I didn't know this at first but OW had climbed into the treehouse area with her kids. Hard to climb a tree with a bad back is t it?

S talked my ear off and told me so many stories. D came out and was overdue moon to see me. She jumped into my arms and wouldn't let me go.

I was there for about 20 minutes and I got the impression I had worn out my welcome. J came over and suddenly wanted S to help him with the treehouse. I was a bit annoyed because if I am not welcome, why did you practically beg me to come over?

I went to leave and D clung to me. She begged me not to leave and actually wanted to go with me. Broke my heart. I explained to her she needed to be with daddy tonight and she would be back with me in less than 48 hours. She wasn't having it. I told her she needed to stay with dad and help him on the treehouse. She said daddy doesn't let her help anymore. I kissed her and hopped in the car to leave and she literally clung to the car and begged me to stay. So I got out, picked her up and walked over to J who was I. The treehouse. I told him she didn't want me to leave and that maybe she could help him make the treehouse. He told D to come up and bring the pruning shears. I looked at him and said "are you fricking serious?". He knew I was not happy so he told her just to come up and had S bring the shears.

Just odd. Just odd. I said nothing to OW and didn't even glance her way. She said nothing to me either. That's the way I prefer it.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Lately I have been feeling that J isn't in MLC. Maybe he's just trying his best and I am just to controlling. I am trying to look at things from different perspectives. Trying not to be so negative. Trying to lose the anger but it always creeps back in.

Tonight J was supposed to bring the kids over early so we could go over some financial stuff. Earlier he told me he would be by about 6 or 6:30 which is about an hour earlier than I normally get them. I heard nothing from him so I went over at 7:30 to pick them up. Like usual. He seemed put out and annoyed that I was there. He said "I was just on my way over WH". I said "you told me you would be over at 6:30 so here I am". He said the kids were watching a movie and didnt want to interrupt them and his phone was dead. I told him I was not happy about him not contacting me to let me know what was going on. He said well, WH, you're really not supposed to pick up the kids until 8:30 in the summer. I said this is what we have been doing and you haven't had an issue with it until now. He said are we going over this tonight or not? I said no, then he got mad and said he wouldn't let me have the kids until 8:30 and that I could just leave if I was gonna have an attitude. I told him he was the one who said he would be over at a certain time and never called or anything to let me know that had changed. He asked again if we could go over this stuff and I said that was fine.

I really hate dealing with this guy. I don't think he has a MLC. I think he's just a jerk. He uses these kids against me to get what he wants.

I have so much anger and animosity for J and OW and that's my issue. I try to let it go but there is always something and that will never change. I don't think my skin will ever get thick enough that this stuff doesn't bother me anymore.

WH

[beatrice]

I thin lots of us face the question - is it MLC or is that person a jerk.

You fell in love and married someone and had two children with him. Was he ever a good kind and loving husband? If he was, and changed then it probably is MLC, but if he was always a jerk then why did you marry him?

It isn't unreasonable to expect people to stick to agreements to meet. However, i wouldn't have gone over until 8.30 if that is what is supposed to happen, even if you have been varying it to 7.30. Just out of interest why has it been varied?

So while people in MLC are usually complete jerks, if they were different then it is a probably a crisis.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks for responding, Bea.

The reason the time varied was during school it's supposed to be a 7:30 pickup. The first time after school let out and I had planned to pick them ip at 8:30 J had called and said the kids were ready and to pick them up now. We have just kept it at that and he never said anything about it until last night. I feel like he takes these things and uses them against me if I dont do what he wants. I should know better I guess.

I just wish I didn't have to deal with him. But he came by and looked at my car. My brake lights aren't working so he checked them out. That Was considerate but he just has this way of making me feel foolish and stupid despite all I have done and accomplished on my own. Again that is on me. No one can make you feel any certain way except yourself.

I guess it is just better to have as little to do with him as possible.

WH

[beatrice]

Frankly I wouldn't trust my xh near my car !! - at this point I would be worrying he wanted to cut the brakes or sugar my gas

How pathetic of J to try and cause you to feel foolish.

I do see about the times, but I have learned that they never ever let anything go. Any action or thing I have said or done, however kind, is used against me. I do not think dialogue is possible, and Lord knows I have tried. I don't have to deal with him but he still finds ways to try and reel me in. I suspect that J will prove to be teh same (just sayin - sigh)

[wishing, hoping]

Is it really J who makes me feel foolish or is it what I attach to what he says? Does it really even matter? I am the one who hopped back on that crazy train. But sometimes I still wonder if he is sane and I am not?

J is good with cars (at least I used to think so). He looked at my brake lights and my fuse panel and I know now that there is a reason the amperage is not going to my brake system to activate the lights. Sounds like a costly repair. I really need to get a new vehicle, but I am trying to push it off. He is right about the tires, too. I was there with him the entire time so he didn't do anything suspicious. I really am over thinking J would intentionally hurt me. I think he is just clueless and thoughtless honestly.

Like this morning I discovered he didn't pack D's tennis shoes for camp. I was irritated. He always forgets to pack something. I don't know if he does it on purpose to irritate me or if he's just that clueless? It is irritating no matter which way you slice it. I called him and he immediately told me when he answered "D's shoes are by the front door". I said how did you know what I was calling about? He said he saw them at the front door and knew I would be asking. Nice.

I shouldn't care, but again I am trying to make a life for myself BY MYSELF. I don't have a backup plan. It's all me and no one to lean on, except friends. He has a cookie backup and I guess it irritates me. She is nothing but a glorified babysitter and she could really care less as long as she is "taken care of".

I really need to shake this mood off. My boss (who is divorced and going through some garbage with her ex as well) told me she really finds it admirable that I am walking this alone and doing it all myself. She said "you didn't just run off and find someone to latch onto for support. You did this and are doing this all by yourself and that is so great". She said I would end up being such a strong individual for this. I know this is true, but it's of little comfort right now.

Trying to get my act back together.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Question:

D begged me tonight to let me get her ears pierced. We have been going back and forth with this a few times for a few months now. I finally told her okay but we need to clear it with daddy.

So I called J tonight to discuss this with him. He said he had no problem with it and if D wanted both of us there to let him know and he would make the trip. He then had to add that D talked to OW about this weeks ago and wanted to go with OW and OW told her no, that was something she needed to discuss with mom and dad and that mom would want to be a part of. Hmmmmmm...sounds fishy.

So I flat out asked D if she wanted OW to take her? She said "no...way!!". I said are you sure? She said no, I want you. She then said daddy lied. She told me "daddy just said that because he wants OW to come along so they can kiss". Lol! I couldn't help it. I said "gag" out loud. D just looked at me and said "I know, right?". Lol!!

So why would J tell me such a lie? To get me upset that my daughter and OW are so close? To make me happy that OW doesn't want to "interfere" with my mothering? What purpose could it possibly serve???

I also took my car in to get fixed. The brake lights, as you may recall, aren't working and I needed new tires. J came by and said the bulbs in my car were fine so it had to be electrical. First thing the mechanic said? "It's the bulbs. Next time don't let your ex near your car". The bottom of the bulbs were melted and corroded. I kept the bad bulbs as proof. I was thinking about making earrings from them.

What a maroon.

WH