Hi Sandi2, thank you so much for taking the time. I did read DR all the way through but to be honest, I thought well my sitch is different so did it half a$$ed. When I did a little of going dark, my H showed interest and I just ran with it like accepting most of his invitations, initiating contact, talking about my problems, relying on him and talking of the R. This has led to him going dark and us filing for a D last Friday. His PTSD is usually hard around the beginning of the year but he had some triggers that had to do with my past that he said is what led to him disconnecting. Also our kids got along great, it was our issues with each others kids that was a huge issue of how we disagreed on how we treated the each others kids. Not all the kids lived with us full time, my H kids came during the summer only. I also was in denial about my depression returning and I refused to get help my dosage increased and refused to go to MC when my H asked repeatedly. We also stopped spending quality time alone with each other and intimate. I thought I was projecting lovingly detachment but I was truly fooling myself because I was so scared of losing any kind of connection to my STBXH, I grasped onto any crumb from him. I do accept that this D is going to happen and he is seeking help for his issues as far as I know. I do know that he has said he needs to do this for himself and I have not respected his decision by being a constant presence or reminder of all the problems he could no longer handle. He would talk to me about things but he never took time for himself and I believe my STBXH's tendency to just take care of everything and me just allowing him put intense pressure on him with no breaks or help for him. I do see how I have tried to make him feel guilty with my words to him....crap! I want to smack the front of my head ...thwak! I have not taken time for myself as I used to work out but I have felt so exhausted between work, my kids especially my D 17 and cleaning and packing up our stuff that I have not done much for myself. I do want to set him free but having the hardest time doing it to be honest. Other than GAL and keep improving myself and my kids, I feel lost on what to do. I am going to re-read DR so i can really get it to sink in and practice it. I am in the process of looking at apartments for myself and my boys so we won't be a burden on my parents and so we can begin rebuilding on our own. I sincerely appreciate your input Sandi2 thank you and please stop by again as I need help navigating this situation.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
So my D 17 leaves on July 3rd to Japan and I am feeling a bit nervous and anxious to get it done with...I know that this is the right thing to do however, I am sad that she has changed so much. I'm also in the process of looking at apartments too so that is keeping me occupied. All these changes are bringing up some sadness
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Still looking at apartments and I have found a few that may work but we'll see. My STBXH'S kids are in town for the summer and while I am closer with my 15 SD, the other two 13 SD and 11 SS I am not, both of them decided to stay in a hot van than say Hi to me at work to drop off my mail. I knew that they didn't care for me much but that stung. After the short visit from my STBXH and 15 SD, I thought that this D was the best thing for all of us as there were too many issues regarding each others kids and now I can just focus on my kids and myself without worrying about my STBXH and his kids. It also makes me think that a R isn't in the cards for us as too much damage has been done. We will all be happy now separate although my kids have taken it harder, I will strive to be the best mom I can be for them. I don't miss my STBXH even half as much as I used to nor do I feel like I need or want him now. I am thinking about getting the rest of my stuff from the basement in the house so we don't have any ties. I won't be cold or unfriendly to him but I am not going to make any efforts to keep in touch or to talk. He has actually initiated texting me but I don't see it as anything significant. I believe that I am done
Last edited by CSan00; 06/24/1411:39 AM.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Well my STBXH wants me to stop by and talk. There's also mail for me to pick up. I am trying to act as if but to be honest, I really don't want to hear what he has to say as I don't want to face anymore hurt or dwell on what is wrong. Any suggestions?
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
My STBXH told me that he still loves me yet we are still getting a D? I am angry to tell the truth...it's all a little too late how much he misses me and all of that. Please any vets please advise??
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
CSan00...looks like detaching made you realize a few things. Funny how when you don't really care anymore the tables turn, now its you that says too little too late. Im not a vet, but im rooting for your happiness. Stay strong and think of the kids, I have a feeling the hunted is now becoming the hunter...
Me: 42 W: 39 D: 2 age 6 and 9 D-Day: Dec 29 13 Seperated: 3/20/14 Mediation retainer : 5/20/14 She filed: 06/25/14
I just got a call on the apartment I applied for and I will be signing and getting the keys tomorrow morning! So excited to be moving forward with my own place with my kids! My M didn't work out but I am slowly but surely getting to a better place in my life :-)
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
