Have I any hope...?

[bashy]

Heh Jon,

Thank you sooo much for your comments. It means a lot.
I will have to look at your story and see if I can support you in some way.

Can I ask a question and it may sound stupid?!

When you say: "....don't you dare try to set a boundary, and not exemplify to your W the man you are trying to be!", what do you mean?

[bashy]

More phone calls from WAW today. Trying to detach. In fact, I rang my counsellor today to book my first ever appointment (big step I feel). Sooo difficult when I'm being contacted by her and fighting the urge to answer.

Anyway, after ignoring calls for most of the day I finally rang back.

First thing she says: "You're getting tough to get hold off these days...".

I replied: "Sorry, just been busy."

Are these small steps working as I try to detach? Who knows!

[Ben2010]

Either way if you arent detaching, it still looks like it to her. Based on that convo you describe, it seems as if she feels that way already. Great job on setting up your first C appointment.

[bashy]

Thanks Ben. Dreading first meeting. I was near in tears and I was only booking it! Can't imagine what I'll be like in first five minutes lol

Will keep up detaching. It's interesting these last two days the things she's been saying but it's really hitting home that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Feeling down but I'm sure I'll pick myself up. People like you and the rest of the DB'ers on here have been a tower of strength.

[Ben2010]

Lol, I have cried more in the past 4 weeks than I ever did the past 20 years. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just dont do it in front of her. If you have to excuse yourself when you feel it coming on, then do that. I know that its hard to detach. I havent really done well with it either. I "act as if" I am when I talk to her and she seems to think that I am. I have detached a bit but not like she would believe.

What kind of stuff has she been saying the past 2 days?

[bashy]

Have a look over my last two pages and you'll see what ages saying. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Ben2010]

Not sure what you are saying here? Maybe a typo in there or something?

[JayMan]

When you say: "....don't you dare try to set a boundary, and not exemplify to your W the man you are trying to be!", what do you mean?

That means set firm boundaries that are clear, but as you life your life be honest, sincere, clear, appropriately loving for your situation, living above reproach. Or as many like to say, CHD. Courage. Honor. Dignity.

You can't expect to have boundaries respected if you don't act in a respectable manner.

I'm not implying that you aren't already doing this, just offering encouragement, as it's easy to forget in the swirl of emotions.

[bashy]

Thanks Jon. That's very clear and much appreciated.

@Ben: Have a look over my last two pages and you'll see what SHE'S saying. Apologies for the typo!

[Ben2010]

Well I have read your sitch before, but I did reread the last 2 pages here. It doesnt look that bad to me man. You have seen some things that are working. Going dark, being a little mysterious and validating for example. I would say that you keep at it with the going dark. I think that in certain situations there are different ways to do this. I will post something that I found on here that made me feel way better about going dark. But overall I dont think you are in a bad sitch at all. Much better than some on here. Anyway here is the post I was talking about.

The majority of men on here struggling just can't seem to let go. It is nothing more than low self esteem and lack of confidence. To top it off, I don't see much of a success rate with the tactics and methods the men are using on this site a working very well. We have men who have been on here from 2 weeks to over two years. Same methods being used by most all and same results happening to most all..

I guess the men who have been on here for so long just need a "little more patience" and understanding before she wakes up...

Maybe tomorrow huh? Maybe three years is the key......


All the while the simple facts and reality that the men who usually have the most succes getting the woman to come back are the ones who let them go the fastest and leave the woman alone the quickest. The men who go out and start getting a life, having fun, mingling and flirting with the opposite sex and living and loving life to the fullest. They stop whining, stop complaining, stop venting, stop journaling and START DOING..

Those are the men who succeed. The evidence is all around these men struggling, but they fail to see....

I wonder why that is?

See if that makes you feel any better about detaching and going dark.