So... my DD was in a car accident last night, while coming to pick me up at work. She got rear ended & was pushed & swerved into oncoming traffic. Her responses were quick & avoided a head on collision. She banged her head & was deeply cut open (no stitches, they use glue). Otherwise she is OK and a little sore today. Car is a write off.
^^^^ THIS is a blessing!! I am EXTREMELY GREATFUL that she responded quickly to the oncoming vehicle. HE even came out to congratulate her on her quick response. This could have been a different kind of accident. THAT scares me!! As this happened in front of our work, Xbf and I were both there at the time. I am grateful for that too. He did the dad thing (took care of cops/car) and I did the mom thing with my D. We declined the drama of the ambulance ride & he drove us to the hospital. He then took us into town to grab take out before driving us back to my parents place. He texted her later in the evening to check up on her.
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I am hanging on to being BLESSED!! I am ever so grateful!!
I am working so hard to understanding how to let go... by trying sooo hard to keep my thoughts on my daughter/self & focus on my values. Reverting my thoughts off him & back to myself. ITs ALOT of concentrated energy. I never realized how hyper-focused I really am (even though you all told me)... until these last few days of effort.
When does the pain stop?
I find myself wanting to behave like a martyr and want to indulge in the pain...not sure why. Its not like its going to get me closer to my goal. Its damaging, actually.
Why do I insist I want to be with a person who is not good enough for me?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter's accident, but I'm glad she's okay. She's going to get pretty sore in the next day or so, if she hasn't already. How is her neck? Any whiplash? She's going to need to take it easy for a few days and I know you'll watch over her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm beginning to think it never goes away completely, but it does get better or bearable.
I've been at this three and a half years and I still hurt.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I'm 4-5 yrs into this. The pain is no more. Not that i don't remember things but the pain is gone. I can live my life on my terms.
I say this not for you to feel bad but to understand there is a way through. There is a new life waiting for you. Slight changes in the way you view things can go along way in changing your perception.
Other people on this board have shown you the map, now its your job(You actually owe this to yourself) to walk it.
HI.... weekend was good. Hung out with friends all weekend & spent time on Sunday with DD. She's feeling sore around her neck, black & blue eye now.
I've been thinking that I need to create more space between Xbf & I. One thing that comes to mind is how he keeps our 4-6 work/coffee time. I have been thinking that I can switch it to 3-5 for me, and he can do 4-6. Or eventually try to state that I will work it and he can go do something else. We both don't NEED to be there... just "waiting" for a client. I have come to realize that I use it as an excuse to be with him. (just like he does)...its not good enough & it keeps me "there"... wanting/waiting. SO... NO MORE!
I have a concert again tonight... not sure how to approach it, again as I will need to leave at 5. GRR
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Yesterday, Xbf made a "OMG" comment (he saw some pretty girl walking) we were on the phone discussing vehicles he just went to view. I asked him to describe what he saw & he said, "no, just enjoying the city scenery"... I stated NO, not the pretty girl but the vehicles he saw. .... Inside our R, it was OK to make these comments... NOW, they bug me & not sure why he does it (not thinking??) & how I should handle it. At this point I said, I was going to head in early to work today as I would be leaving early for a concert.
Later that afternoon, while working (just before I was ready to leave for concerrt). Same time as Thursday, when I tried to go to last concert.... he gets a call from his mom that she hurt herself & needs to go to hospital. He doesn't give me much info, but states he must leave & rushes to go... something about her ankle. He was kind of angry. This was at 4:30. Normally, I would have texted or called impatiently to enquire. This time I waited... nothing, no notices, no explanation what happened to her. Normally (within our relationship), I would have gone with him to the hospital & kind of steered the whole event.
At 6:30 I texted: On my way to concert. Keep me updated?
He texted back: Waiting for X-ray..she is on inter venous and will be put under. dislocated ankle and maybe broken bones as well are possible.
I texted back: Wow. Keep me posted please
Him: Yup
at 9:00: (still nothing from him)... Any updates yet?
(no reply).
Meanwhile, he had just been texting with my DD asking to borrow my moms crutches, then never mind they will buy some.
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I am hurt/confused!!! why wouldn't he keep me informed? I will contact her myself today...but not sure how to respond/react towards him today. Why wouldn't he keep me in the loop? Can anyone explain why he wouldn't want to tell me?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Ok... how would you have handled it then GM? This is a guy who I see and speak with several times a day. This is a new level for us. Not sure why he would do that....
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I called his mom & left a message about 10 mins ago.
How do I get back on track of dropping the rope & detaching?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
