cc - it's good you had a good cry, got to get that grief out. So glad you're in divorcecare, such a good thing to do for yourself, I credit those meetings with most of my improvement. Good for you on saying no to the suiter, that's better than accepting for no reason and regretting it. When the timing is right you'll know inside. I feel exactly the same way about what you said about this being God's way of getting your attention... the same exact thoughts went through my mind and he has it now. Yes being grateful for your blessings every day is a great thing to do for your attitude. I would list them, either in my journal or just say them out loud after praying to remind myself that life is good. It could be a lot worse that's for sure. Take care
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
TL, this is too funny, but my soon to be ex H's initials are TL, and lately in all his emails to me, he signs off that way, as if I don't know his last initial. I know he's just distancing.
Good idea about listing my blessings in my journal. I am bad about journaling here, as I sometimes can't recall if I've already mentioned something, and where I already journaled it...here or in my handwritten one. Cant let this page get lost for lack of posting though.
You take care, too. cc
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
oh no, that is funny that we have the same initials, yikes! sorry if I'm a reminder I have not journaled in probably a week, I need to make time, just been running around like a whirlwind the last few weeks, hopefully tonight i'll have some time to myself to do just that. It does feel good to get it out of my head my ex doesn't even sign off on his emails.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Journal update: this past weekend I really GALed and coincidentally, one of stbH dogs got sick with vomiting and diarrhea. H called leaving VM and texted on Sat asking if he could drop sick dog (Pixie) off at house Sat, picking up Sunday, since his apartment was constantly having to be cleaned and I had doggie door access. I said yes,and if you want, bring your brand new rug that she dirtied, and clean with hose in back yard, if you wish. I also indicated that I would not be at house to watch her Sat night or Sunday first half of day.
On Sunday afternoon when he texted that he'd be by house to pick dogs up at 2:15 I responded, " Okay,I will just be getting home at about that time." Then when he arrived, I went outside (where he can let himself into yard), and I was still in my church clothes with my purse over shoulder shoulder to tell him Pixie seemed fine as did all other dogs. Thats when he remarked, "well I'm glad that I helped you get your social life going!" I asked him "I beg your pardon?" He said, I see that you're never home and you're going to church, going out, running at the lake...all the things I wanted you to do with me, you're doing now." I then said, "I hope that you are happy for me, regarding the improvements I've made in my life." To that he muttered something derogatory under his breath. I then said to him, "I always wanted for you to stop drinking in our marriage, and now that you HAVE stopped drinking over the past months, even though you're not doing it with me and for our marriage, I'm happy for you achieving that goal. I don't understand why you cannot be happy for me?" Then I mentioned that I'd been praying for him to have strength to continue not drinking. He said, "don't pray for me, pray for yourself." I said, "I do! I pray for us both!" He left angry with me.
Later in afternoon, he emailed unfriendly toned email regarding a phone bill that he'd just agreed to pay two days earlier on Friday, saying "you owe me." He also sent an email to attorney (cc'd to me) saying "This is a reminder to expedite divorce papers needing our signatures, as we are 'due in court' two weeks from tomorrow." It has been explained to us that two weeks from tomorrow is the earliest we can get D finalized. There is no appointment, and no due date in court, however. You just show up. H is seemingly hurrying up D, as if he's in a panic. this is his second expediting request to atty in 2 weeks.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
How are you doing cc? I like your response to him "I hope that you are happy for me, regarding the improvements I've made in my life". It's hard not to react and bring up other things - communication is hard with an MLC'er and when mine is angry I just do not do it. Let him spew whatever he wants and try not to let it effect you. He's probably an angry person right now blaming you for things that don't exist. Just keep livin' girl. Once the d is final he probably thinks he'll be happy. He'll see that's just not true when it happens. Not your problem though, you're only responsible for your own happiness and good for you on GAL. Keep that up. You will never understand why he can't be happy for you, he's in his own world right now. Just let him continue on his journey and figure it out for himself. Focus on you.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I am trying focus on me, and not as much on MLC any longer. Reading so much on MLC has confirmed my understanding that H leaving is not really about me, although I do claim my part in the downfall of my M.
Who am I now that I’m not a part of a couple? What do I like? Some things are obvious, such as running, and some other hobbies I enjoyed when I met my H. But I was a single mom at the time, and now my son is grown, so my activities from 15+ years ago are no longer me. I had to think for 30 minutes to come up with just 10 things for my “bucket list.” It should not take that long. I’ve been going to DivorceCare again, and an infidelity support group. The question for me is how do I stand for my M, even after the D, if and until H remarries, is not easy on my psyche. I’m very conflicted about how it affects my mental health, so I pray a lot, and do get a great amount of peace about waiting longer for a possible miracle.
I may put standing behind me at some point, but for now, I feel a strong conviction to wait longer.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
CC good for you - you sound stronger already. That is exactly the things I did too - reading so much on MLC, getting a decent understanding of it, figuring out what I liked as an individual, bucket list - yes it took me a long time too, I don't think I even have 10 lol. Going to divorcecare is one of the best things you could do for yourself, it was a life changer for me. I was standing too but came to the conclusion when I was done, I was done. It's different for everyone. you'll know each day that "it's not today" that you choose to stop standing. you don't ever have to stop, but when and if you're ready to, you'll know, just listen to your inner voice. I prayed 10 times a day and that helped me more than anything to survive. I still pray but usually 2 or 3x because I'm not as overwhelmed as I was. It does give you peace and especially if you give it all to God. It's in his hands. That was a tremendous relief for me. Keep up the positive attitude, it really helps you work through this process
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
divorce will be final in days, and I'm thinking less about it and soon to be ex H. I guess I'm doing better at Gal'ing.
my bucket list for my journal and future reference:
Learn to play golf. Travel solo (yikes!) See the grand canyon from the ground (not airplane). Hold a future grandbaby (I know: out of my control!) Create/paint/sculpt something of beauty See a shooting star that I always miss. See aurora borealis again. Conquer my fear of heights (double yikes!) Increase vocabulary. master the BBQ grill left by xH and make better ribs than he did.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Hi cc! Just got done reading your thread. Wow - so much to have happen in such a short time, just like TL. And you both seem to have handled it sooo well given the time frame. I don't know if I could have handled it as well - it has taken me so long to get to this point, but I think maybe it's because after H left (Apr '13) we never really talked much and when we did we were very nice to one another, but he waited until Feb '14 to initiate D proceedings. So I have been through the process of slowly removing the bandage, where you (and TL) have had it ripped right off. I can see the advantage to that.
Amazing how the majority of stories revolve around a WAS/MLC who had been thinking/planning this for YEARS before DB. Never ceases to amaze me. And here they expect us to just go along with the program like we are all on board with it. Then there's the OP - doesn't take 'em long to jump right into another relationship just to make things even more complicated. Thanks . . . just heap the plate to full!!
Oh well, you sound like you are doing a great job. I noticed your final date is only days away, but it appears you are doing well with this? Do you have to be there in court? Mine will be at the end of Aug and neither one of us has to be there. Today, I think I will be 'okay' only because my stbx has and will be gone until the end of July. We literally haven't spoken since May, although he did leave a VM message on my phone June 8 'just saying hi'. He left on a month long vacation June 21. So, I don't know if it's better to have some verbal contact so you can get some idea where they are - I have no clue other than he is just GONE! Big coward....And I really don't want to see or talk to him. I just know it will tear me apart for some stupid reason. Right now I feel like I just want to cut him off and toss him aside like he did to me.
You and TL both went to DivorceCare - I need to look that up and see if it is in my area. Sounds like good stuff, although I have been reading "Rebuilding After Your Relationship Ends" - even have the work book. Has helped quite a bit. Did you use this book in your group?
Wow,sorry to have rambled on a bit here on your thread, but I wanted to say I liked your bucket list - actually there are a few on there I've had on my 'old' list that will make it to my 'new' list. One of those has to do with the aurora borealis except in my case I've never seen it. Wh
And your GAL efforts are really good. Sometimes I find I just do things just to do them, not really something I'm all that excited about, but I usually do find something good in having done it. Do you find that to be true? Tonight a relatively unknown little band is playing at this small venue in one of the local 'shires' that I thought I'd go see either by myself or invite a friend.
Geez, I've gone on enough here, cc. Again, my apologies. I will keep checking on you. You are doing GREAT! (((()))))
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
I have not journaled in probably a week, I need to make time, just been running around like a whirlwind the last few weeks, hopefully tonight i'll have some time to myself to do just that. It does feel good to get it out of my head 