Well, I guess I am going to try and see the silver lining today. Due to these flight issues, I'll literally get to spend about 3 hours with him tomorrow.
However, he has written that this "disappointed" him, and he's been trying to ensure that we do get to spend the entire amount of time together. This surprises me a LOT, and though it pleases me, I'm hoping I can just think of it as a "stepping stone" forward, rather than a full-on sign that he's changing.
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Long distance or not, this is a good place to be.
A couple of things about your sitch jump out to me. This is just from experience and from what I've seen, the whole " I want to be alone" could indicate OW. I'm not saying he does, however that is a common association with that term.
And this sounds crazy, but many of these scenarios while frequently similar, are unexplainable. So you will only make yourself crazy mind-reading. It's a waste of time.
I know the visit is only 3 hours and listen to what he says. Let us know what transpires.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I understand why an OW situation would seem like a possibility, but I don't believe it to be true. A couple of reasons: (1) after he left me, he did not go back home for three full months - he travelled instead. (2) before we split, he lived with his mother and we spoke every night on Skype for hours, but then he was also available every night if I called randomly, or emailed randomly. (3) I've had access to many of his accounts, including his cell, for years and he has never cared if I looked.. even now, most of his passwords remain the same as far as I can tell (yes, I went through the stalker phase for a while..!) (4) I've asked, several times. There'd be no reason to lie at this point as we technically have "officially" split.'
But I appreciate the reality check, anyway. I have wondered.. but I haven't seen a single sign of anything suspicious.
Thanks again for your nice words, though. It always makes me feel better just to know someone is out there listening.
And this sounds crazy, but many of these scenarios while frequently similar, are unexplainable. So you will only make yourself crazy mind-reading. It's a waste of time.
Sorry, I just wanted to add a couple of things.. I realise I shouldn't compare my situation to any others and assume I will get the same outcome. That's not realistic. When I mentioned that I saw my situation like many others, all I meant was that I saw it as being "fixable" despite the fact that we have this long distance problem, etc. I just didn't want anyone to "count me out" if that makes sense.
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
I know the visit is only 3 hours and listen to what he says. Let us know what transpires.
As for this, I am hoping actually to NOT talk about our R on this particular occasion. He is coming to see my new apartment and where I live, so I am hoping just to use the opportunity to show him how great my new life is, etc. Originally we were planning to live in a particular place together, but after he left I decided to go somewhere nearby, but better. It's paradise and pretty much one of the only things that makes me happy right now. Hopefully he'll see that shining through..!
Well, it has taken me a few days to let it all settle in, but.. it went well.
I had imagined I would be extremely nervous, but strangely by the time I was at our meeting point, I was totally calm. He arrived and we hugged and then we set off for my place. Everything was very natural and normal between us. We made jokes and laughed and it wasn't awkward at all. At my place, he retrieved some things that I had been storing for him, which made me a little sad, but he also left a few (less valuable) things behind. I know this really means nothing, but I guess I thought that if he had things with me, he'd have to ask for them at some point.. which would mean.. contact!
Anyway, we went for a long walk so I could show him around where I live. We had breakfast at a gorgeous cafe by the water. The weather definitely showed up for me. It was a perfect day and I am sure he could easily see himself living where I live, even if it's without me. It was total bliss.
Everything went really well.. we talked about various things, but I didn't bring up our relationship at all really. I did ask him a few plans about his future, but in casual terms (e.g. "Do you still plan to go to school?" as opposed to "Are you going to come to school in my country?" and so on).
I ended up going to the airport with him to say goodbye. I finally "broke" when it came time to say goodbye. We were hugging and I was crying and he was even a little teary.. and the conversation went like this:
Me: Is this the last time I'll ever see you? Him: No.. Me: Promise. Wait, I mean.. I know I can't make you promise, but.. promise? Him: Yeah
So, I probably overstepped the line there, but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like if that WAS the last time I'd ever see him, I needed to know in order to say the "correct" type of goodbye. I also told him that while I know he needs to do what he needs to do, that he should know I am still interested in him coming back.
He asked me if he could Skype/call me and I said yes, which felt good.. as just a little while ago he was saying he DIDN'T think we should talk anymore.
Anyway, it was horrible saying goodbye, but.. that's the way it is right now. He emailed me as soon as he got back to his country to say he was safely back.. and that we'd talk soon. I kept my reply on the light/casual side.
PROS: He said he'd love to live where I live. He promised it's not the last time we'd see each other. He asked if he could call me. He cried when we said goodbye. He held my hips at one point during the goodbye, looked into my eyes and told me I looked "really good." He turned back and grabbed me for a final hug.
CONS: He still left, haha! He didn't say "I love you" back to me, when I said it. (Yes, I said it. *Groan*)
I feel a sense of calm right now. Obviously I still want him back but I get that's he's not in a position to do that right now. I am proud of myself for keeping myself together during our short visit and showing him my great apartment, where I live, that I looked good, etc. That's the best I can do right now, and hopefully as long as we can just keep in touch, there is a chance.
Ugh, feeling frustrated today. He's been back for a week. He did send a quick email last week to say he was home safely, and said he'd write more soon. Well, he did.. today I got a typical email: chatty, safe, nothing. In other words, he is perfectly pleasant, but he asks no questions and doesn't mention the Skype chat HE said he wanted at the airport.
I never know what my next step should be (in terms of the R, not in terms of ME).
Okay, I feel like I am making progress.. even from across the world.
After H got back to his own country, my plan was to not contact him at all. I would respond if he emailed me, and I would be extremely friendly, but I would not ask any questions or do anything that ENSURED a response. That way, any response I did get would only be because H wanted to.
Well, I have received a few emails since and in the latest one today, he's even asking me questions i.e. keeping the conversation going.
Of course, he's still not bringing up the Skype chat he mentioned at the airport, so maybe I'm not making any progress at all, but..
Feeling a little emotional today. Tomorrow is.. or would have been.. our 11 year anniversary together. I know I won't be saying or doing anything, obviously, and I'm sure H won't either. I wish I could know if he even remembers a date like that.
It makes me sick. Last year, he gave me a great card that said something along the lines of "Can't wait to spend all our anniversaries together.."
Wow. Woke up this morning to an email from H. To paraphrase, it said: He knows what day it is, he hopes it is okay for me, he knows it will be hard for me and it is for him too, and that he wanted me to know he remembered.
Interesting. I know I shouldn't mind read, but feel free to do it for me.. anyone!?
