I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

Well, I DIDN'T text or email her yesterday or today. That's 48 hours. Small victories, I guess...

Sigh...

[DBinSF]

4 days no contact. New record.

[DBinSF]

I broke No Contact on Monday. Big mistake. She is still SO PISSED. She is drawing so many lines in the sand. Her last message said, "I've so f-ing done with this. GOOD BYE."

I just keep digging myself in a hole. It hurts SO MUCH without her. I'm going through withdrawal. I'm having insane regrets.

[Ben2010]

Yeah youre gonna have to make more of an effort than just a few days man. She has to miss you some before you can try to do that kind of thing. Youve only been at this for 2 weeks or so total.

You talk about it hurting so much without her. How much pain do you think she is in right now? She wants nothing to do with you right now. Youre going to have to give her some space and consider her needs here.

Get a grip and leave her alone for a bit.

[MrBond]

"I broke No Contact on Monday. Big mistake."

What did you do?

[DBinSF]

I wrote her a text on our anniversary. We were supposed to celebrate it at my family's rented beach house in NJ (we live in CA). It said, "Lovely Julia, I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts, especially on this date. Just know that everyone here loves you and misses you. I pray that with enough hardwork, love, and faith that we can all be back here laughing together this time next year. I have enough of each for the two of us."

Well, she responded with some accusations that I'm continuing to lie about unrelated stuff on FB, spinning facts to make myself look good. And it turned into a two day back and forth of her telling me to leave her alone and go away and me saying "We were so good when we we good, we have so much love and joy ahead of us...Please just tell me one thing I can do to start to rebuild trust."

It ended with her threatening to block my number. Totally NOT the result I was hoping for. I know I just need to leave her alone. I do need to get a grip. I'm sorry I haven't been able to act upon the great advice I've gotten from this community. I've been TOTALLY spun out for weeks. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't work. I'm falling through the cracks with anxiety and depression...

The good news is I have friends who are supporting me and a therapist who gets me. And I connected with my father in a way last night that I don't think I ever have before. He actually held me and consoled me for the first time in my life, and he gave me encouragement that was more than "Go get 'em." So, maybe that's the gift of this whole situation.

[sandi2]

We've told you and the DB coach told you to go dark. This was your reply on June 13:

I did the DB Coaching program last time and he just told me to go dark, which I did, and it didn't work.

Then about two weeks later you say you've had contacts with her:

So quick update: I've had a few more interactions with my Ex since my last post. She says stuff like "I just need to be clear, it's over."

The woman is through with you! Her friends are trying to tell you (which I assume you've been asking them, too).

Her friends tell me she's still angry and that if there's a chance of reconciliation, it will be a LONG time from now.

Our Anniversary is coming up on July 7. We were going to be on a beach vacation with my family that week. Should I reach out to commemorate it in some way?

Seriously?

It is SO HARD not to reach out to her. I broke NC today with a little "How's all your school work going?" text. She had been stressing out last Sunday over her MBA work, and I dropped off a little food for her (which she appreciated and thanked me dryly for over text).

I broke No Contact on Monday. Big mistake. She is still SO PISSED. She is drawing so many lines in the sand. Her last message said, "I've so f-ing done with this. GOOD BYE."

This reminds of that old Clint Eastwood movie, "Misty". You are obsessed and need help. But you won't listen to anyone, b/c it's too hard!

You don't want her. It's b/c she dumped you....(after she learned you were cheating)....and suddenly you couldn't live without her. When she didn't want you....THEN she was the one for you! Have you forgotten all the things you found wrong that led you to OW? That doesn't seem near as important now b/c you are over-focused on just getting her to take you back. Even if she did, you would cheat on her again.

[sandi2]

Quote:
It seems like you are doubtful of my sincerity or ability to commit.

Originally Posted By: sandi2
Frankly, you don't need to be with a woman you already find sexual dissatisfaction with. She doesn't deserve you.

What exactly do you mean by this? Just trying to clarify.

Ben, I was being sarcastic. He was complaining about the girl he was engaged to, and went to another person for more sexual gratification. So she dumped him and now he won't take "no" for an answer. He needs to let it go. She deserves a better man.

[DBinSF]

Thanks, Sandi2. I'm loving the support on here.

For clarification, I left the affair months ago and told the OW I was committed to marrying my fiancee. I wanted to work things out with my Fiancee then, and I want it now.

[DBinSF]

Hi all,

It's been 18 days of No Contact with my ex-fiancee. Although I ran into her at a party last night, we didn't speak. I'm coming to terms with my Love Addiction and going to meetings. I have a sponsor and I'm working the First Step.

I'd like to continue learning about the DB Community and methods. I'd love some advice on how long I should stay Dark. I know a few members here have some harsh judgements for me, but perhaps others have a little more compassion for what is a very painful and regretful situation.

Thanks!