Hey this was a plan I had for making sure not to backslide through my life as well as if my W ever came back and it might help you as you are much farther down the road in your sitch. When I was in the military we had these binders we would make called our “I love me” binders and in them we would put things that reminded us of what we had achieved in our respective careers. Things like awards and letters from family members and all sorts of stuff. I have started a new type of this binder which is more like an “I never want to be that me again” binder. I have placed things that I have typed up on the things I did wrong the last time around and stuff that will help me remember what not to do in one section and in another section I have things that are inspirational to my journey of self-recovery. Buddhism quotes find their way in this section and things that I read in forums and whatnot. Lastly I have a section dedicated to reminding me what makes my wife so important to me. This has love letters and poems and what not that helps me to remember what my W really means to me.
As of now I skip reading the last section of this binder as I think it would make me too emotional but the first two sections I have been reading religiously to make sure I stay focused on my change. Anyways it might help and it is another form of GAL as I find myself seeking out both knowledge and inspiration to add to the binder.
I actually got a really nice leather binder and some plastic sleeves for this thing and now just holding it has some level of reverence to me. It calms me down when my emotions attempt to flare back up.
Me: 32 W: 30 M: 11 years T: 12 years Kids: D5 W Left: 03/25/2014
It ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
We are on the same wavelength soldier. The Dalai Lama writes about finding motivation for practice. I've had a "Book of Inspiration" since a few days after BD. It contains the D lawsuit, the PO, and other communication during this time. It is my reminder of the dark place I was and how important focusing on compassion and patience is for me.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Hey Nettles, I don’t have long this morning but I wanted to let you know that I finally ordered a copy of your recommended book “How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life”. It is two books away on my reading list and I am looking forward to it deeply. I am especially looking forward to chapter 2 which I remember you saying was very powerful for you in your own life and sitch. I hope all is well and look forward to an update from you soon.
Me: 32 W: 30 M: 11 years T: 12 years Kids: D5 W Left: 03/25/2014
It ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
Hey soldier, I hope you enjoy the book. I'm reading the first 2 chapters again for the 4th time. It might just be me, but they really speak to me about myself. I'll be interested in what you think.
I was thinking about you last Friday. W, who was taking S12 and S10 to JJ, said she was going to 'roll' with someone after the boys class. It is an open mat session. I was surprised. Unfortunately, S10 vomited that night (guess who cleaned it up even though he isn't living there!), so they couldn't go. I was just imagining soldier teaching W a lesson on the mat! Ha.
In other news, W told me today that I should move back to the house after our trip to Colorado next week. I'm going to keep my apt thru July most likely, just in case. I think knowing it is there will reduce the pressures.
But it is going to work. She believes in my changes and W has changed too. She knows how important contact is to me, and we hug every time we meet or part. She says she feels like a giddy teenager. I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Well the section with mistakes should not exist. You don't want to focus on it, as we get what we focus on. Best it disapear and you don't contribute to it.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Nettles - sounds like things are going well for you in many areas.
That's good to hear. Congratuations!
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Hey Nettles I am so happy to hear about you amazing fortune with your current sitch. It really sounds as if things are moving along for you nicely. I hope someday to find myself in as nice a position but obviously my sitch is going to take much more time to achieve. As far as rolling right now, I don’t know that I would teach anyone a lesson right now I am the one being schooled. I have now attended three classes and my body feels as if it has been hit by a Mack truck. I have really enjoyed your posts as they have always given me hope for my own future but I fear my W is in a different place than your was. Your W seemed to still care about the M and wanted to make it work but needed to slap you across the face to wake you up. My W by comparison does not seem to want to waste any more time working on us at this point. I believe I was very emotionally and verbally abusive to her and have now started posting on the MEVAC forums for this issue. Anyways I don’t want to hijack your thread but regardless of my own sitch congratulations on the success you have had and keep it up. Never backslide and always remember the way it felt to come home to an empty house.
Me: 32 W: 30 M: 11 years T: 12 years Kids: D5 W Left: 03/25/2014
It ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
You are right soldier. I needed a 2x4 to the head at extreme velocity to get me back to reality. I felt and heard it loud and clear.
But where you are wrong soldier is what I read as giving up hope for your sitch. It is a delicate balance; have no expectations but don't give up hope. I've never met you soldier, but there is no way I can be convinced that the soldier reading this right now isn't better than the soldier who put his first post here or the soldier W fell in love with. It'll take time, and maybe it'll be someone else, but someone, and I hope it is soldier's W, will get a pretty damn good package of a man.
I'm not done yet with what I need to do, and neither are you soldier. I really admire your ability to identify areas of improvement and take it on. If I could have done that at 32, I wouldn't be here on this forum today. Things are going to work out for both of us. And I'll be here for my resolution and yours.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Well the section with mistakes should not exist. You don't want to focus on it, as we get what we focus on. Best it disapear and you don't contribute to it.
Thanks Ggrass. I'm not sure what you mean, but thanks. I know I've had 'toxic thoughts', that I'me working on reducing, but not sure how that played into a post.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Nettles - sounds like things are going well for you in many areas.
That's good to hear. Congratuations!
Stay strong!
Thanks for the support SemperFi00. When I was growing up, one of the kids I played baseball with had a father who was a Marine. I loved that guy. With your name, I can't help but visualize him writing these posts. It brings a smile to my face. I pray for the best outcome for you too.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
right now I am the one being schooled. I have now attended three classes and my body feels as if it has been hit by a Mack truck. I have really enjoyed your posts as they have always given me hope for my own future but I fear my W is in a different place than your was. Your W seemed to still care about the M and wanted to make it work but needed to slap you across the face to wake you up. My W by comparison does not seem to want to waste any more time working on us at this point. I believe I was very emotionally and verbally abusive to her and have now started posting on the MEVAC forums for this issue. Anyways I don’t want to hijack your thread but regardless of my own sitch congratulations on the success you have had and keep it up. Never backslide and always remember the way it felt to come home to an empty house.