yes have to let go.. but are you SURE the world will continue to spin if I don't keep checking on it.. I think you are right with he meditation. There is a Buddhist centre in NRW that I will look at once I move..
Now here is a tricky question.. my H is in a dark place, but it is not up to me to fix but it is so hard to watch.. and he would never even think that any talk therapy could help.. not how he is made..don't want to rescue ( that is my fallback when i can't control and you have got it all wrong!) but..
Watched a really skilful teacher do the repetition thing today.. It was in a classroom so it was OK.. but made me cringe.. do i rally do that with adults.. yikes..
ee searches show up energy companies and mobile phone companies ???
Essential Experience, ee dot org , is what you want.
Good that you are observing your own behavior - it is the first step in changing it -
Going to our best friends' daughter's high school graduation party tonight, so off line for a bit. And then yoga early tomorrow and an urban/societal planning get together that I am the principal skeptic at - will try to check in after -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
thanks for checking in was just reading your thread.. ?
I am wondering if this is worth the stress? I am wondering is he the guy people talk about who makes up his mind and does not shift?
I am wondering who I have been married to and why did he bother if it was 14 years of purgatory? I am wondering how he managed to pretend so well for all those years? I am wondering if sandis 37 rules will change things or just make it easier for me. Sure there are small improvements. but the basics stay the same. he wants a divorce.. then we can discus the relationship and moving forward
I guess what I wonder most is why are all these WAS the same ? Why do they tell the same lies, harden their hearts in the same manner, act cruelly to someone they used to care about ( or acted as if they did)
I am tried of his attitude. I am tired of his anger- Why he is angry I am not sure. Would appear he is achieving his life dream.. free of anything to do with me. I am tired of seeing him work so hard to justify his selfish decisions. I am tired of him forgetting he despised men who cheated. i am tired of me.. that i can not get as angry as he is, that I refuse to write 14 years of my life off as a miserable experience i just pretended to like. I am so tired and sad to see him work hard to be hateful and cruel and cold..to see the flashes of sdaness as he realises how his choices impact on others.. not just me.. but then pushes through with them anyway.
Luke.. I am feeling sorry for myself--- School is ending and with it will rapidly come the end of all the things, places,experiences I have enjoyed and valued and cared about these past 6 years while we lived here. I know people have it worse.. much worse.. tomorrow.. maybe I will feel more positive but tody. it is just a horrible mess caused by his selfishness and arrogance and inability to communicate or connect.. .
Lou, there are days when I could have written your post. I'm sorry this is what today is like for you. I hope you have some great plans to pull you past this moment.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Second that Maybell - Lou, figure out something to do, every day, for a while, something that gets you out of the house, and ideally with other people.
You've hit a low point - it will get better - but it is good to take care of yourself now. Forget your rotten husband for the moment, he is not worth your energy, but you, Loualea, are.
thanks for the validation.. I guess he is inconsistent whhich confuses me.. He can be normal.. I never manage the end of the year well. I miss tbe students I am losing and now to not see them at all.. well it is sad.. I agree I need to get out.. I will make effort. Luke.. and also need to water the garden.. where is the rain. I agree he is not worth the effort. lots more meetups in Essen.. Maybell I am sorry you can write this.. because it is just horrible. I was advised to write to him about how he has hurt me..I can't find the words to express the pain.. how do you do that? I have no idea..
Write, draw, hit, whatever you FEEL the paper. It is very good to do this - at EE I stabbed and tore the foolscap -
It is good to journal, to let your thoughts and feelings out, whatever the words or drawings or colors are - to let your pain out.
You might also find certain music useful, something to reflect your inner state. For me it was negative, even nihilistic material; for you it may be something different.
Perhaps you want to write that letter or email and post it here first? I'd also look around here for advice about actually sending such things.
Midsummer here tomorrow, so I will be sporadic again, and hopefully not nursing a hangover on Saturday (alcohol, which I am not a fan of, is hard to avoid on Midsommar). Sunday morning there will be a quiet, meditative yoga class, an excellent wavelength to tune into.
mid summer here too..blue skies in Bayern The Ruhr.. grey.. wished I had stayed home.. 'drove 450 ks and he can't see me for dinner maybe tomorrow..also can't be bothered to tell me.where when or how likely it is... seems like the stress is back when it seemed to be gone last week.. It is interesting to reflect on how he has hurt me.. it is every fibre of my being.. I guess if the marriage died piece by piece and you both sort of knew.. well it would be like knowing one of your parents had a terminal disease.. horrible and sad but understandable..at one level
this is more like saying good bye to brother who is then hit by a car- shocking, inconceivable and so so so painful.. no time to come to terms with it at all.
I understand what you are saying about letters like that Luke.. might not help me achieve my goal and the man I deal with at the moment would say " Why should I care..." so that would be another way to hurt.. I asked him once did he have any idea how I felt.. he said "probably not well!"
He works so hard to remove me from his life..I don't know why he bothers at all with thebits he keeps alive..The coach says keep up the contacts.. but I also have to work hard at not pursing..
so Luke the best of Swedish exports is on my list tomorrow IKEA! honestly those stores make me hyperventilate.. If I decdie to write a letter I will post it here.. good thought
Crappy crappy weekend organised to be in D..... for the last 4 weeks.. things to do zt my new place, catch up with friends. See my H for a meal.. maybe. asked if it was possible.. answer maybe, lets see, I have to work.. but not no.
drove the 500 ks texted about a meeting.. there were forms he needed to fix things with the telephone here..some mail he wanted
answer not sure yet.... then I have to work in the day..
long story short.. he did not answer texts about meeting. Unfortunately I needed money unexpectedly for a deposit for the kitchen.. I did not know that until I got there.. I deciced to drop the forms in his letter box and sort the kitchen myself.. as I was putting it in the box he came out with the OW?. She just said oh and scuttled off to the car.. he talked a bit..very tense accused me of not discussing issues when we have the chance.. we drove off. he later texted why was I there.. he could see that I gave him the papers, why did I not sort the kitchen before I left home.. I told him it was unexpected..
my reply was that his actions had been cruel.. he knew I was coming, he knew I was there and he could not even say he would not meet me..If he had said no then I could have gone home... it was not essential just an opportunity..to sort some of the moving problems he replied he did not mean to be cruel.. really what does he think that is to ignore someone who had to drive a 1000 k trip..
my councelor advised a letter about how he has hurt me.. but I know he does not care.. he manages to make me feel like I have done something wrong..
he has no guilt..or remorse or regret..letters won't reach him
then I sent a text.. arrived home and he replied saying thanks for letting him know.. what is with that.. I would have expected he would hope I would not make it and then he would not have to share the house!
