Sobbering up this morning. BIL came over last night and brought drinks. Haven't talked to him much in the last several months. Don't think he knew what to say. Anyhow, it was an interesting night of conversation. Didn't realize but it sounds like his M is in danger too and he needed to talk more than I did. We did end up talking about W a good bit. He has no interest in getting involved and I said that was a good thing and why I would be willing to talk to him about it because he would not try to pressure her. BIL and W are extremely close and probably hang out several times a week. Anyhow, it went well with one of my 180's which is to be more social. Especially with family. I've always been one of those stay home guys who doesn't really want to go anywhere on the weekends. BIL also appears to have a drinking problem, says he is going to quit but really doesn't 'want' to so he just keeps on doing it heavily every weekend. I think I'm going to try to help him with it. No idea how though...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Well my wife just unfriended me on FB changed her status off married and her OM posted a selfie on his page that she like with the statement, "Ten years in the making, look who I found, or did she find me???
That [censored] big time and one I can relate to. Keep your chin up and focus on your goals. You have the forum behind you.
M:36 W:34 T:9,M:4 Me,WAH:7/2011 My apology:12/2012 Her,WAW:01/2013 ILYBINILWY:4/2013 W's EA:5/2013 Sep:9/2013 2nd EA signs:03/2014
So I managed to do alright for a GAL this weekend. Spent Friday with BIL having a good time. Had and excellent Saturday into early Sunday with friends a few hours out of town. A friend of ours is getting married in a couple weeks and we were celebrating for 2 days. Went by fast and managed to keep my mind off things for the time. Lost my cat on Friday. He got out of the house while BIL was over and haven't seen him since.
In other news, W just dropped off S and we had a quick chat about the normal hand off stuff and quick plans to meetup tomorrow for parent / teacher meeting. Our interaction these days is better than it has been but I had the friendly neighbor kind of conversation it seems to have become. She comes in most times and we exchange simple things about the weekend or such and then she takes off. I don't try to stretch it out or come up with additional things. I leave her mail for her and just keep it simple. DBing says this is the way to go. Just feels so awkward having no care for each others lives.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
So two weeks ago I found out about A that also made things seem like the A fizzled out. W was at the house last night and made some comments letting me know that the relationship ended and by the sounds of it she got dropped / suddenly ignored for the next girl on OM list.
Anyhow, W made some apologies saying she knows now how much that hurts and said she would not see anyone else while we are married. She still doesn't have money to file, she did ask me if I filed but said nothing else about it. I said no, which I haven't filed paperwork yet. Kept putting it off.
Just wanted to make sure I'm clear though. OM is out, supposedly but W is not making move to R. No pursuit still, right? I mean, this is time to pull away and see if she comes to me, am I right? I realize that I should not be thinking about R myself and should still be focusing on me but of course I can't help but think...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Do you really want to take her back without her doing any of the work? Stay the course and keep working on you. Remember your boundaries.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
You are right Barry. I can't have her back like this, it wouldn't work. That's why we all need to talk about our sitch right. We make mistakes as individuals trying to manage our own sitch and need others to help us stop and correct course.
I'm still doing it wrong. W asked if I could pickup S tonight instead of her dropping him off. It was no big deal so I went ahead and agreed. Gave me the chance to say hi to BIL anyways. S learned how to ride a bike (w/ training wheels) tonight and they got to show me. We were both so excited I think we just forgot to think about the distance for some minutes and got to act like friends. After a bit though reality set back in and I took my leave. Tried to get back to working out again tonight but W decided to stop by during. She said she needed to talk to me so I took it outside as S was sleeping. She wanted to apologize. I just listened for a bit and she went on about being sorry for hurting me and making the wrong choices and staying silent for so long during marriage. But none of that made me feel better because she wasn't sorry for leaving. I wasn't near as detached in the conversation and towards the end she even got me to talk some about us. It made me realize I've made little to no progress at detaching. I'm still chasing crumbs of attention. I need distance, I need her to stop being around all the time and saying things like she did again tonight......she told me I was a wonderful man, but she didn't see things changing between us. She said she was doing what was right for her.
I'm tired...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect. You know by now that this process is more about improving yourself than it is about your relationship with your wife and part of that, I feel, is learning who you are, what you represent and living your life according to those beliefs. That's not to say you should never forgive your wife; I hope she sorts her sh!t out and you do. It just means you should have self-respect and make sure your wife's actions back up her words, much like you've been learning to do since BD.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
We are all just frail humans we feck up, we mess up, we do wrong we learn and move on.
Really one day recently I logged in to my fb page and a lady I know just on fb for some years, her son15months had been admitted to hospital the night before and had died over night. It was then I decided you know what man up own your chit and get moving.
It's only game over when we are dead. Live life, the reason I left my first husband was he refused to live! Simple he became the ultimate victim.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
W already texting me again this morning to ask if I got any sleep after talk last night. I think I need to go dim. Summer break starts this week and we will finally be able to just start passing S back and forth once a week for June and then after that be in a schedule where she gets him for every other weekend and some weeknights when she can manage but no need to be around each other every day. I know my W wants to be friends and I don't know if thats possible but I just think I need to put some miles between us for me so I can get some work done on myself and quit being pulled back to her every few days. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is it a bad idea?
I haven't answered her text this morning.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
