I failed to mention that H came over last Sunday to start moving packed boxes from his 2 "staging area bedrooms" to the garage. He had color coded order of laying them out from back to edge (Last in first out system). My sister, who is moving in to house with my niece in a few weeks had been over with her boyfriend. We'd been cleaning out places in attic and storage shed for her to put things. We'd started working in garage and H arrived, making known that he expected us all to stay out of his way. My Sister's boyfriend, David (who has known and liked my H for years) spoke out and said, "we wont be in your way, man...keep on doing your thing, and we'll be fine doing ours!" to which H said, "well I'M the one on a deadline and moving" in a very antagonistic voice. My sister chimed in "I'm moving too, and I need to get stuff ready as well." and her boyfriend David, got visibly upset. My H then said "F.U., David", to which David said "F.U. H"....then shouting match ensued. I walked up to H and said, "do I need to call the police?" H shouted "I'm entitled to be in this house through end of April!!!" and I said, as calmly as possible, "and your move out date wiht movers is May 2nd, after you are entitled to access. So if you'll just work with me, I'll be willing to work with you." H stormed back in to the house, but he did come out later and apologized to David. "hey man, i really like you. You're a great guy and I'm sorry I lost my temper back then. " and then an hour later H came to David and said "you and your brother Joe were always such great hosts and gracious friends to me, so please again accept my apology, and give my best to your brother for me." H tried to apologize to my sister, but she did not respond to him. she later told me that she was so upset that she could not speak. H apologized to me a few days later saying that he was embarrassed at what he said and did. H has been very nice to me as this last few days have passed and he's been out to house to pick up things. he's set up my new sound system/speakers/tv set up, as it's all greek to me. He even told me that he'd come back later after his move settled down to rewire the Klipsch speakers better as he didnt like how he did it first time. He left all his keys other than last one to gain access for tomorrow. Locksmith coming next Tuesday. He'll get his two dogs (my fur babies, alas!!), and we'll discuss later how the dog sitting will work. this is all REALLY going down. With the exception of the garage shouting match, and asking him if I needed to call police (as nicely as I could), I've been trying to be the nice (but detached) wife he'd be crazy to leave.
Trying now (Thursday) to plan for the GAL weekend ahead. I go to dinner/movie Friday night, but other than that and church on Sunday, i have no real plans. Maybe I'll go to the lake and run/walk around it Saturday morning. Unfortunately, H does same on Sat mornings usually (15+ years ago, I invited him to do this with me and my Saturday morning lake running group), so may see him there. But it's a big lake and lots of people go around it. Sat am lake-running was a part of me before meeting him, and it will be a part of me after him.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Happy Cinco de Mayo (probably belatedly by time this is posted)!
Journaling: I think of the Cinco de Mayo's I have spent with my ex over the last 15 years. that was always one of "our" holidays. Last Friday, May 2, H had his movers come get his furniture and now he's all out. I did get a chance to get hugs from his two daughters who'd come to help their dad. I got a bit emotional with one of them, and tried to hold it inside. Wasnt fooling anyone. I slept well that night (and the night before--no sleepless night-before-anticipation at all). Not much sad or glad emotion really.
I spent hours working out in the yard cleaning up dead leaves, trimming shrubs, cleaning out garage, and was so tired that I cancelled going out with friends to dinner/movie. Sat I ran a "loop" around White Rock Lake, which is something I'd not done in over 15 years. Was proud of myself. Walked like a crab the next day, though.
Only when H contacts me about something do I then ask him about stuff (not R stuff, but how did this remote button work, or where is other phillips head screwdriver stuff). I just make a list and wait for him to contact me. At end of this week, H will get in touch about getting his two dogs (really my dogs, but they are his 2 favorite, and i cannot handle 4 Jack Russells easily).
I've been too exhausted over past week to really have much emotion.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
More journaling. (I really do need to remember to journal here rather than in my paper journal.) H came by last Fri at 4 to pick up his 2 dogs. He was very tired or depressed. Not sure which, but he had purchased two dog harnesses that he could not properly adjust to fit Pixie and Google (his 2 dogs), so I cheerfully volunteered to do it for him. He mentioned that his work was stressful and that he needed to go to starbucks to get coffee drink to perk up. I gave him some expensive doggie supplies (teeth cleaning treats and enzymes) as well as rag towels to wipe mud from their paws. I did indicate that I needed to start getting ready to go out as I had "plans." He never asks about where/what/with whom, so I sincerely believe H does not care. I just wanted to be the first to end our visit, and not linger.
On GAL front, went out of town to niece's college graduation on Sat., and Sunday spent Mothers day with my mom in am, at church and brunch, then Mothers day with my son and d-in-law for dinner. While at my sons apartment, H texted me that he was dropping his two dogs off at my backyard. I arrived home at 10pm to find them happily running around with my 2 dogs. Also found 2 sets of photos from our wedding photo on the concrete porch steps. No message with them. I guess he just didnt want them. Not certain if I'd have preferred that he just trashed them without letting me know, or if I'd rather that he just leave them on the steps without a note.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
I've read Divorce Remedy back in January, and looked in the index, but cannot find explanation of "cake eating." Is there any good description of cake eating or examples on this forum?
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
More Journaling: soon to be x H just came over again for second week of picking up dogs for the weekend. He was indifferent/ neutral in his behavior towards me. I.e. not trying to pick fight, but also not asking me any questions about anything. It was obvious that my sister had moved in, but no questions about that either. It appears more obvious to me that in his mind he does not care about me or my life any longer. Given that we have only dogs, no shared kids, and divorce will be final in 5 weeks,
I will keep DB, but wonder if there is any chance of reconciling. I consciously ran through my mind before he arrived today to be friendly and upbeat, treat him like a neighbor, and no R questions. Put on flattering clothes. I noticed (but did not remark about) that he'd lost even more weight. He looked good. Should I have mentioned it? It would be somewhat of a 180, but then that might have appeared to be borderline asking about his personal life. I did ask about how to treat aunt mounds in yard dogs run around in, but that's it. Regarding GAL: going out to dinner with friends tonight and movie. Tomorrow running at lake, then noon brunch with other friends. Sunday church. not sure about Sat afternoon/evening yet.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
happy birthday cczamo! sorry i'm late I think you did the right thing not mentioning the weight loss. All the things you listed on your own actions are exactly the things I do. Treat him like a neighbor or co-worker, no R talks. I let him start the conversation. Is yours in MLC? He sounds kinda like my exH. There is no way to know if you'll ever reconcile but you have to just be patient and see what happens. Let what happens happen in God's time. I thought mine would be gone like the wind since he was in such a big hurry, but he's still doing touch and go's usually every 2 weeks I'll hear from him - it wouldn't surprise me if you hear from yours in the future. You will feel better after the D is final I think, I certainly did. So glad you did the divorcecare class - that helped me SO much, I'm still reading that book again because i've moved through most of the rebuilding blocks and like to see it at each new point in my life, making sure that i'm not stuck anywhere. Don't worry about what he is thinking right now, there's no way to know that. In my mind there's no way he isn't reminded of you on a daily basis, just as you are reminded of him. He's just had a lot more time to plan for it than you did since he is the one that BD'd. Forgiveness is key - him and yourself. Take care, hope you had a good birthday - i saw your note that your stbx texted you - mine forgot my birthday all together and we were still living together at the time. so at least ya got that note!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Thanks, TL... I had a pretty good birthday despite my new "single" situation. I did have a very POTENT margarita, which triggered a sadness for a small time.
Yes, I definitely think H is in MLC. I agree, all on God's time, and who knows? I may do a 180 from wanting H back someday. After all, H has done a 180 in wanting divorce. If the MLCer ever does come back, they'd have done a 180 again, which equals 360, so no wonder they're confused!
TL I bet your X did remember your bday, but decided against recognizing it for whatever his reasons are.
I have definitely been pulled back into my faith in a big way...I think this D may have been Gods way to get my attention....God saying "HELL-OH!!! Remember ME?" Now I do remember Him.
I hope you're having a great weekend GAL-ing!
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Not much going on since my last post here. I've had an interested "suitor" from my divorcecare class ask me out several times. I've turned him down, as I'm not divorced just yet. D will happen next month, but I'm still not ready to get emotionally involved with anyone. I'm still praying for my H to get through his MLC and want to restore M and R within a year or 2. Crazy isnt it? What are the odds: no joint kids, I rarely see H, perhaps 1 or 2 x per week for 1 minute or so when he picks up or drops off his dogs. I have coded access gate and doggie doors to inside of house so its not necessary for me to see him when he drops them off. I make it a point intentionally to NOT see him every time.
In baby steps, I am getting better, however last week email H sent to L requesting expedited D really got me down. That day after work, I got in bed early and cried a few hours while listening to music. I really haven't had good cry since the bomb drop. That was something about me that bothered H, that I was an ice queen and unfeeling. I'm a CPA, not really the emotional, weepy type. I do feel, but am not demonstrative. I was starting to think I needed to get a sad chick flick to make myself have a good cry, but it naturally happened. Had puffy eyes the next day. I have so much to be thankful for, so I try to remember that fact. New resolution: I'm going to try to think of one thing I'm thankful for each day before getting out of bed in morning.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Just dropping by to mention 2 things that resonate with me about this post: 1. My H and his EA referred to me as IP(ice princess) in their texts as an inside joke. It ceased being funny when I busted him on it and he has apologized multiple times since. However, as much as it stung me to know that (and how stupidly immature it was), I realized I didn't want to be that way. He was right, and I have been actively working on being more affectionate with everyone in my life through IC. Throughout this whole thing, I can honestly say I have become a better mother, daughter and friend as a result. 2. There's a "thing" on the social media sites called 100 Days of Happy. It challenges you to post something every day that is a positive in your life. It really does help your PMA. If you shoot over and read my thread update, yesterday was the lowest point of my life, but I was still able to post my Happy Day entry about how I have fantastic friends (no, I am not someone who airs dirty laundry online so the web has no idea WHY my friends were so fabulous yesterday).
Just my .02
Hang in there!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
