New here and very Confused

[2BHappy]

moving back to first page

[2BHappy]

Posting to get it off my chest.

Why is my H staying if he does not want to be a H, does not want a R with me?

He seems to have gotten really comfortable since I have not mention our R or M and have been just trying to be his friend (with benefits sometimes).

H does ask me alot of questions about my plans etc.

We do not argue. We are very nice to each other.

Does this mean he really just wants to be my friend and co parent our son?

Why not leave the house, why not get a D?

I know he can affoard to live alone.

Reasons H gave around Feb for not leaving:

H said he did not want our son or my lifestyle to change.

Said he was not sure how I would handle him leaving (mentally).

Said he wanted to make sure our son got a good solid start in high school.

Hinted that he would be willing to stay until son graduated high school. (4 more years)

I dont really know if this is H MLC or if H really does not want to be my H or be in a R with me?

[Georgiabelle]

2Bhappy,

Yes. To everything. Or maybe no. The reality is that it's difficult to explain the unexplainable. Your h is probably very confused. Even if he said he isn't. Everything right now is as clear as mud. I realize that doesn't help, however don't worry about what any of this means right now.

My suggestion is to not waste the energy trying to figure out what this means. You will drive yourself crazy. This is a long process and unfortunately everyone is looking for a magic word, action, or pill to give the answers. Several wise people on here say to " be patient and the answers will come."

Focus on you and your son. Continue GALing and being pleasant.

[2BHappy]

Georgiabelle

Yes I know to continue GAL and becoming the person I want to be, and focus on my son.

Patient until when, H decides to leave or decides to work on M/R?


I just feel like H is sitting back all content with the way things are now while I secretly worry, all the while smiling on the outside.

Belive me since I have been GAL and no R or M discussions I have felt better then I have in a very long time. So I know this works for me right now.

I now truly know in my heart, I want my H but I dont need him, meaning I will be ok if he decides to leave.

I get angry that is he wasting our time, my time and wish he would make a decision, but then on the other hand I know this is a life changing decision and I want him to take the time he needs to be sure and or work thru whatever issues he is having.

I think I will try to pull back a lil more, all while still being his friend, being friendly and smiling.

I noticed when I start to get too emotional (not that I let H see this anymore) its works best for me to go dimmer, stay out of the house when H is home, stay in other room if needed when H is home. Spending too much time with H brings my emotions to the surface.

I just dont know how much longer I want to wait?

[Georgiabelle]

2BHappy,

I know it's difficult. I really do. That's the key though. Don't feel like you are in a "holding" pattern.

Let's look at it this way. If you asked h today to either work on the m or we are done, what would that change? If he said I don't know,then you have to decide. If he said" I'm still done", then what does that change for you? Are you going to rush out and join a dating site? Try to start a new r? Does a D mean you are really done with h? I doubt it- you have a child with him. I'm just asking because you really aren't in limbo. It just feels that way.

You say you want your h and realize you will be okay either way. This is supah! Why? Because you know you will be okay regardless.

Just keep focusing on you and your child. Sounds like you are doing well!

[2BHappy]

Georgiabelle,

Yeah I knew this would not be easy, and some days are better then others, and I'm having more of the better days.

I will always be friends with my H, and we are great parents together.

And you are right, I would not be running out to date or start a new R. So actually that is the only thing I'm missing right now is a relationship with my H as my H. My M is what it is right now, not my idea M.

So the rest of my life is not in limbo, glad you pointed that out to me, I'm sooo focused on not having the R or M I want with my H that I feel on hold, but really that is the only thing on Hold and I can and will continue to enjoy life and GAL and be happy.

I don't think we are put on the earth to be alone, but that does not mean you will not sometimes be without a mate.

[2BHappy]

Wedding Ring

So I have been upset that H has not had on his ring since July 2013.

I have often thought about stop wearing mine.

Would this be a LRT or a going dimmer/ 180?

But not sure if this would really be a "hoping H notices I'm not wearing my ring"

I don't have it on today, left it home on purpose. It feels weird. Since H and I work different shifts and usually when he is home Im in bed and dont wear my ring to bed, H would not notice anyway....well maybe if we go someplace to dinner with our son and I dont have it on...

ANYWAY...trying to decide if this would be a good 180/going dimmer LRT for myself...another way to really see how I feel without my wedding ring on?

In process of all this,,,I want to make sure I'm really ready for whatever the outcome, taking my ring off is a big step, but is it the right step while Im still wanting my M to get better and wanting my H back, better then ever?

Feedback please. Are you still wearing your wedding ring, if your WAS is not?

[artsy]

I don't wear mine, but it isn't to make my H notice. He stopped wearing his over a year ago and then made up stories as to why... I stopped wearing mine because TO ME, they represent a M that no longer exists. They represent vows that were broken (I don't like wearing jewelry, anyway).We are legally M right now, and that's all. I only wear my rings when I don't want people asking questions.

If we were to R, I would get a new ring.

HOWEVER, the whole ring thing is not a big deal in the bigger picture. Plenty of people wear one when it is meaningless to them- if you want to wear it, wear it! If you don't, then take it off. But I wouldn't expect your H will really care, either way.

[2BHappy]

@Artsy

I also feel like the M we had no longer exists, in a way I feel like my ring is a reminder often that H is not wearing his and no longer wants to be my H at this time.

I also feel like if H decides he wants this M and or to work on our R, I would like a new ring to symbolize a new better M.

I dont' think H will notice, and or care if he does notice.

I don't want people to ask questions about my ring when they notice, and I dont want to be out and someone approaches me.

So I think I will also wear it if I want to and if I dont I will not, at this time ..right or wrong it does not have the same meaning to me. And I sometimes feel like it's holding me back from really being ready to move on if needed. Not that I want to date, I would NOT get into aother R while still M to my H.

[Bunches]

I still wear mine. Thought about taking it off several times but didn't feel right. So I put it back on and just stopped worrying about it. Moving next month to a new place and might stop wearing it then.