That's what a lawyers job is, to protect your rights. They want to make sure you are protected and get whats best for you. The lawyer is most likely not concerned with you saving your marriage, that is not their job. I guess you have to decide for yourself how quickly to proceed. Your son will always be a part of your life even if your W is not.
This crap is not fun, especially if you still love and want to be with your W. You are probably worried about pissing her off and ruining any chance of getting her back by going forward with the lawyer. I suppose you need to make the call on how to proceed.
Good for you on letting W know that you know about the A. It kind of clears the air a little bit when you no longer have to live a lie around her.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Thanks Indigo, you have a point there. L isn't concerned with my M. I've got a lot of paperwork to sort in the next few days while I think about what is best. On another note, W's roller coaster of crazy continues. She drops off S today saying it's too much and she is getting out of MIL place no matter what. W is still pretty broke and is giving up a large apartment only costing her $100 a month just because MIL doesn't like her life choices and has started to tell her about it every day. This is the 4th time in six weeks that her whole plan forward is changing. Now she also wants to change jobs which has also been going back and forth regularly. I agree she needs a better job and more stable income but she has no idea what she does want.
Spent most of the weekend out having fun. S and I got him a lot of new summer clothes on Saturday and pool stuff. He was with W last night and today. I went with a friend to have fun for that time and just got back. Good times! Made plans for most of next weekend too.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I noticed you disappeared from Newcomers but I didn't know you wound up here. Sorry to hear about the turn of events. Stay strong and true to yourself and your son. Good luck!
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Thanks Barry, glad to hear from you. Its funny that I'd think I would feel worse all the time with the turn of events but I feel more in control knowing where I stand now I guess. Strange how this works sometimes. Still hoping, still praying...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
W was at the house last night dropping of S and started telling me about blowout with MIL. They have only lived together for 6 months now and its gone from the last 2 years of MIL being the most important opinion in W's life, to now they can't barely stand each other. Don't really know what to make of it but its one more person she is scrubbing from her daily life. Also, she is flipping her plan upside down again. Now she is trying to save money to get out of MIL's as soon as possible and planning to switch jobs again. These two decisions have changed several times in the last 2 months. She can't seem to make up her mind. With all that is going on in her life she is always in a bad mood it seems and I believe its starting to affect S. Wasn't a comfortable subject to broach but I told her with everything going on and the amount of stressors on her, even when S around, she might want to see counseling. She did not like the idea but reluctantly agreed.
I still feel like I don't get enough space from W day to day. She is usually on there 10 - 30 minuts a day when I get home but its the consistant seeing that feels like we don't get away from each other. Things will be easier I think in a couple weeks when school gets out and there is no reason for her to come and go daily.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
She seems unstable. I hope you will factor that in to your decision-making regarding D and custody. Arrangements could always be modified later, if/when she gets her act together.
W messages me at work an hour ago just saying "I'm so sorry". Out of the blue. I can't leave well enough alone so I call to see what is going on assuming she must be apologizing for something I don't know about. She starts into all that has been talked about since PA confirmed in the last two weeks and how she felt she owed me a sincere apology. Then, I get dragged into her talking about how she doesn't want to try but wishing she did because everything would be soo much better and that she believes I can change and be better. She spends 10 minutes sniffling on the other end of the phone and I can't help but feel 'bad for her'. Why am I so stupid??
Starsky, to your point I decided yesterday that I wasn't comfortable dropping the legal papers on her without having talked about it so I talked to her. Of course it was a risk but one I decided I needed to take to feel right about it. She agreed her life was unstable and agreed to sole physical custody being with me. She also said that I was too good to her for not taking her for everything, that she would deserve it.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Dang dude it's like looking into a future glass. I hope things turn around. I hate the whole "I know we could make it work, but I don't feel like it." Feels like such a cop out.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
Feeling really angry today. I think I've been trying to avoid seeing any counseling because I don't want to and thinking maybe I could get along by just posting here and talking to supportive family members. But I don't think I'm okay anymore. After W opened up some on the phone yesterday I'm finding myself really angry. I'm pissed at her for the terrible ILYBNILWY and the "I know it would be for everyones best but I just don't want to". I feel trapped between being nice and just waiting things out or filing D papers myself to get boundaries in place for myself and S. I'm hurt that she still lied to me about PA this whole time and still not admit having slept with OM. I have been trying to settle myself down since this last night and I'm just getting more wound up and having a hard time not thinking about it all again today.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I'm sorry you are struggling Bunches. It never hurts to talk to someone. It can help you sort thru your feelings and help you work through the situation. A little help is a good thing!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
