Reaching out for support and advice 4

[bluesgal]

Journal:

I need to focus on the positives and baby steps that happen each day:

Yesterday H got the mail for the first time in months, complimented my food, hung out and watched tv, went to his counseling apt, talked a lot about the future, and offered to take the garbage out. He also handled a parenting situation with our son really well.

I am living with a messy, unorganized, and selfish teenager. H gets very agitated after his counseling appts. He came into my bedroom at 10:30 last night and said he was feeling anxious and antsy and was going to drive around. He ended up at a bar and got home at 2am. Was he with OW? Was he drinking and driving? What was he really up to? Who cares. Staying off the rollercoaster. I forgot how much I hated this behavior when he was gone. I am trying to shrug it off and remember that he has only been in replay for a year.

[Wonka]

Blues,

It seems important to H that the house is fairly organized and clean. I can understand where he's coming from. For me, I thrive in a clean and organized house. If there's a mess, I get agitated. That is just how I roll.

Yesterday H got the mail for the first time in months, complimented my food, hung out and watched tv, went to his counseling apt, talked a lot about the future, and offered to take the garbage out. He also handled a parenting situation with our son really well.

I hope you gave H some WOA on how he handled your S. WOAs in the parenting department actually forge a stronger bond between the spouses. That says you've got each other's backs.

H gets very agitated after his counseling appts. He came into my bedroom at 10:30 last night and said he was feeling anxious and antsy and was going to drive around. He ended up at a bar and got home at 2am. Was he with OW? Was he drinking and driving? What was he really up to? Who cares.

This is how H copes with his anxiety. To each to their own. Not sure if he actually met up with the OW. It will take about 12 to 18 months for the MLCer to reconnect and feel settled back in the M and family home.

You're going a fabulous job here!

Yes, please do keep posting the positives because what you focus on expands. Keep going, baby!

[juliegayle]

Hang in there!! Sounds like you are doing great.

[bluesgal]

I have been avoiding making this post. H and I had a great week after he moved home. A lot of baby steps in a positive direction. Then another bomb:

OW pregnant

FML-What the hell do I do now?

[labug]

You don't have to "do" anything.

Wait and watch and remember to breathe. This is his drama and you only have to be a part of it if you choose.

[labug]

I am sorry that this has happened, especially for that little life.

[labug]

This quote is so true.

"The amount of drama I experience in life is in direct proportion to the degree to which I hallucinate I can control other people, their opinions of me, or the outcome of events.
Low control issues = low drama quotient. It's that simple." Jacob Nordby

[Georgiabelle]

BG,

I'm so sorry. Can I ask if your h knew she was pregnant when he moved home? What does he say about pregnancy?

This must be extremely difficult. Hang in there and sending you a hug.

[artsy]

Jerseybeachmomma just went through this. There have been others, maybe some vets can chime in. So sorry- we are thinking of you.

((( )))

[bluesgal]

This [censored]. H is suffering greatly. Don't want to sound uppity, but we don't hang around people that do this stuff. H almost ran for school board before all this. Very involved in community etc. His secret will now be out and he will be publicly humiliated. I guess when they say around here to leave them alone and let life teach them lessons...is true.

GB-He found out 3 days after moving home. He is a complete wreck. We've taken a 3 day break where he hasn't been home and he was late to work again every time. He is so far gone and disconnected. He has a lot to face. I pray to God that this is his rock bottom. He says his life is ruined. He will never have anything, retire, etc. He hates if I say things like his new life or his other family. This just got really messy. I'm staying out of it.

As for me: I have been exercising, enjoying the company and comfort of friends and family, and having great moments with my kids. I am scared for many reasons.

My dad said a few months back that H needs to wake up before God humbles him...