Well, I hope fortune favors the bold then. Of course 10 minutes later she was coming by the house to get S swim stuff and I just manned up and asked. She started to side step but quickly realized I wasn't asking an exploratory question....and then she got mad. Before even wanting to answer she wanted to know who told me. Which I wouldn't answer. I turned it back to respecting me enough to give me the truth. I wasn't angry or even mean at any point. I actually managed to stay calm and just said I deserved to know the truth. I don't know that I got it though. She said she had been seeing someone and it never should have happened because we are still married and she knows how wrong it was. But she also denied that anything physical happened.
I don't know whether to believe that or not though, as my first post showing her letter to this guy sounds like something did happen. She adamantly denied sex but admitted she had been seeing him and that it was over. Honestly I don't feel good about how she tore out of here pissed afterwards but I do feel good that its out in the open. I think you are right though, with my S at stake here and so many bad decisions in play I have to file paperwork and protect my rights to him. I don't have any intention of cutting her off from him but I've gotta proceed. Am I wrong?
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
You have to do what you have to do to protect you and your son. Forget about what others tell you. You're just protecting your assets so that you don't get screwed. This has nothing to do with your M.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Bunches, Good for you . It's out in the open now. I think you'll find yourself in a much better position as time goes on. I wouldn't worry about the fact that she was upset when you let her know that you were aware of her A- it seems all waywards get upset.
Hi Mr. Bond, I think what you're referring to is what I call "exposing" of the A. I do agree with you and others that I don't think that's the best approach (the exception being letting the other spouse know). I was simply referring to those that advocate not having an honest conversation with your spouse about their A and where your boundaries are. I also feel that one should work on improving oneself (marital strife or not), I was just making the point that it should be PART of a total strategy, not the strategy itself.
Well after I left here yesterday, I went to pickup a friend from the airport and drop off before picking up S again from W. W calls me on the road and starts to apologize for the way she handled the situation and how badly she reacted to the topic. But I get the idea it wasn't much of a real apology. She quickly turned the topic back to how I found out and 'when' I found out. I think she just wants to know because now she doesn't trust people. I wanted to keep it friendly so I just dodged the question for a few minutes but when she kept at it I just let her know that I didn't owe her an answer. Then I calmly said that while we were managing to be friendly over the topic, that I wasn't happy with her and had a lot to say that I would just keep to myself unless she kept pushing me. She got really quite. Started a few sentences but just stopped a few words in each time. Went through a few awkward minutes of silence so I just asked if she was still available for me to pickup S at 8:30, she agreed, and I said I'd see them then.
Pickup was quick and without incident. I didn't say to her someone told me about the A, but I may have infered it by using the word "heard". She seems to be really tripping over the whole thing too.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
But I get the idea it wasn't much of a real apology. She quickly turned the topic back to how I found out and 'when' I found out. I think she just wants to know because now she doesn't trust people. I wanted to keep it friendly so I just dodged the question for a few minutes but when she kept at it I just let her know that I didn't owe her an answer.
Thanks Starsky! It feels good to be in control of choices and not feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. Not sure how interactions with W are going to go from here on. I'm keeping my L business under my hat until things are prepared at this point. No need to stir that up in the meantime. From the sounds of things she doesn't want to meet at the house any more to trade off S, which honestly I'm okay with. I didn't like the feeling of that interaction each day anyways. Looking forward to a great weekend for now. Wish I could kind of fast forward time a little to my move in June, but I'll just take things one at a time until then.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Well I hope some of you are online tonight for advice. I don't know whats going on yet and I'm trying to stay calm. Got a text from my W while at work just now. She says "Text me when you're on your way home please. I took this afternoon off and am taking S out for a bit." I waited a few minutes and responded "Okay, everything alright?" and she kicks back "Not really, but it will be."
I have no idea what she has in mind but given the interaction over the last couple days I'm guessing she has something to say. Any advice?
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Just try to relax and when you see her, LISTEN. No expectations, no projecting. I know that's hard, but you really have no way of knowing what's up.
PROMISE NOTHING, EXPECT NOTHING is my motto in these situations. Remember, "Hmmmm, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'll have to think about that" phrase is your friend!
Okay, so I took that wrong all together I guess. She didn't want to talk. She told work she couldn't function today and took off the second half of the day to think but didn't intend to talk to me about any of it. She talked a little about summer scheduling but that was it and then took off again. Not sure how I feel about that. Guess I had expectations that it was some kind of direction.
I'm starting to feel guilty about filing. I don't want to push this along faster, but not sure what else to do.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I keep running through everything in my mind again today. I've made the decision and things are in the works but I keep questioning it trying to be sure. The W I've known all these years just doesn't seem like the person I'm defending my rights from now and every time I picture her I feel like a monster for taking action against her. But then I think about the choices she has made and feel like I don't know her at all now. Its so gut wrenching to think about how things could go when this all gets started but I feel like it was coming sooner or later. I'm just taking it into my hands now and acting first. My L said based on the situation, if I wait even a few weeks, everything will change and she would have a much stronger case to take him from me because she would have him all summer. I hate this...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
. It's out in the open now. I think you'll find yourself in a much better position as time goes on. I wouldn't worry about the fact that she was upset when you let her know that you were aware of her A- it seems all waywards get upset. 