The one complaint I always had was his words and actions were often not 100% in alignment. He would say I'm the most important thing is his world, but when it was a choice between my needs or something his family needed I was left alone at important times.
When my nan passed, the day after the funeral, before I was even more than half awake, he commented in a huff to me still in bed at 7.30am, "I'm not wasting my expensive holiday laying around a hotel room" stalking off. As the funeral was in another country.
Later he came back, son and me ready to leave, he wondered why I was unhappy. one of my closest relatives was buried yesterday and sight seeing is more important to you than just letting me be, your actions showed me how lowly he thought of me. It's normal to be unhappy and grieve after a major loss. His focus was happiness! Wrong setting wrong emotion. Mlc fun I now know.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Sounds familiar. My ex probably shouldn't be having his MLC just yet (he's only 36) but that seems to be what it's all about. Say one thing, do another. Move across the world for me, leave 4 days later saying "I tried." Oh, the things we hear...!
I'm really stuck on thinking the getting D is a huge failure. I feel as though I failed as a wife AND as a parent. I really, really don't know how to deal with failure. I don't allow myself to fail. I keep going until I succeed with whatever my goal was.
My D7 will now be going through the same thing I did as a seven-year-old when my parents split up. H says he realizes the effect this will have on her and he's sorry that she will be "collateral damage." I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him in the face.
Hope, everybody fails in life. It's unrealistic to expect perfection. This is not a failure- it's a redirection. I'm not trying to trivialize it- I feel shame, too. But sometimes failure is the only way to learn and change. It doesn't make things easier, but it could make things better. Think of it that way- it ain't over yet!!!
Hang in there.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I don't know how to be hopeful about this anymore. I don't feel like there is any left. If he's resolved in his head that things can't change because he's not "in love" (WTF does that even mean???), I'm not sure how I can hope. He has a mental block that isn't going to allow change. And he's perfectly fine with our family being collateral damage.
Truly, I don't understand what the next steps are. I hear you all saying DB is for me, but that isn't all it is. We all read the book and then came here to save our M's. I hear you all saying stay in your sandbox, but that isn't always what MWD says. She says to experiment and monitor results. I have to look at his sandbox to see if what I'm doing is working. By the way, I was experimenting and monitoring results and it seemed to be working. And now my H wants a D anyway. I don't want to move on. I don't want to make myself great for a future relationship. I want to be M to the man I already chose and with whom I chose to have a beatiful child. I don't want to give up on my M, but I don't know how to go about getting him to stop a D now either.
