New here and very Confused

[woundedfool]

Im thinking about getting the may weather fight and invitig some friends over.

Funny, I am going to the fight with a group this weekend (as a GAL)

A goal I have is for H to come back to sleep in our bed.

Good (and you don't need to elaborate here), but write down what you are doing (your plan) to achieve that goal. (Remember, "a goal without a plan is a wish"

I do feel like I'm really starting to feel that even though I want H and M...I will be OK without if it comes to that

Liberating, isn't it?

[2BHappy]

Not normal week break,

I had a everyday conversation with H about house, son , to get the fight or not. H actually said if you want it just get it and we will pay for it (even though he will be at work) Then as H was getting dressed for work, I ask if he needed anything lunch packed,,,etc...H said no but he was taking an EXTRA long time putting on lotion,,,making no attempts to get dressed and I know he was past time for him to leave for work....sooooo I said "are you going to use that thing",,,

H said nothing so I turned to leave room,,not with a attiude and not looking all sad,,,then H mumbles something and removes his towel...H looked sad,,,I said is this torture H said I did not say anything,,,I said its how you look (probably too much talking on my part) but anyway it was ON, I think we really both enjoyed ourseleves...

OH during our conversation I had also said that I was going to drop something in his food to bring his sex drive back (I know not a good thing to say) And I did tell him afterwards that I was just joiking.

SO....now overthinking things,,,it could have been the hint that I thought he needed help, or it could have been my just asking in a indirect type of way...

I dont know if I should care either way,,,I enjoyed myself H seemed to enjoy himself.

BUT I'm not reading anything into this,,,I know this does not FIX M, and this in no way is an indication that H is back or ready to work on M.

Just taking it as 2 adults with needs, fulfilling those needs it just happens to be I think I just had a booty call with my H.

LMAO.

[woundedfool]

Then as H was getting dressed for work, I ask if he needed anything lunch packed,,,etc...H said no but he was taking an EXTRA long time putting on lotion,,,making no attempts to get dressed and I know he was past time for him to leave for work....sooooo I said "are you going to use that thing",,,

H said nothing so I turned to leave room,,not with a attiude and not looking all sad,,,then H mumbles something and removes his towel...H looked sad,,,I said is this torture H said I did not say anything,,,I said its how you look (probably too much talking on my part) but anyway it was ON, I think we really both enjoyed ourseleves...

SO....now overthinking things,,,it could have been the hint that I thought he needed help, or it could have been my just asking in a indirect type of way...

I dont know if I should care either way,,,I enjoyed myself H seemed to enjoy himself.

So, think about the awareness of the situation... You recognized he was late for work... but taking his time, you recognized he was taking a long time... While he left you the visual cues, you saw them and closed the deal. Watch for him giving you those clues again... hell, it just could be the time of day (maybe he has more "vigor" during the day, versus night).

OH during our conversation I had also said that I was going to drop something in his food to bring his sex drive back (I know not a good thing to say) And I did tell him afterwards that I was just joiking.

Yes, the sex drive/lunch was not a good thing to say. Next time, instead of sarcasm, try telling him how much you enjoyed it.

BUT I'm not reading anything into this,,,I know this does not FIX M, and this in no way is an indication that H is back or ready to work on M.

Just taking it as 2 adults with needs, fulfilling those needs it just happens to be I think I just had a booty call with my H.

Correct, it doesn't indicate reconciliation or anything other then a physical attraction/fulfillment.

If I was you, I would re-read DR Part 5 (chapter 6)... really focus on what you did to make the above happen. And keep working on the goal for sleeping together.

[2BHappy]

Rereading chp 6 step 5 right now.

Positive changes I see in H:
When he does his daily calls to me H is talking a lil longer, also got 2 break calls this week.

For what ever reason, H is no longer hiding his keys to his new car.

H use to leave the blankets on the basement couch most days, now H puts them away each day (this could just be H making up his bed)

Things I do to 180 (?)
-Stopped sending texts unless it was about our son.
-Leave notes about bills or house things instead of talking to him and expecting an answer right now.

-I have not said "I love You" in over 2 weeks to H.
- I have asked about sex but not R or M in 2 weeks.
- When H has asked me about house choices, I tell him to decide and that I trust his decision.
- Stopped "nagging" leave 1 note/text about whatever and wait until H brings the topic up or answers the note/text.
- I have not called H in over 2 weeks, I wait until H's daily call to me before he goes to work.
- I "thank" him for keeping our yard looking great, when H washes clothes or cooks dinner I say "thank you"
-Stopped snooping, dont know if OW is still in picture and have decided if she is that OW is NOT my problem any more. That will either fizzle out or H will move out to be with OW. I'm working on me cannot worry about OW.

I can tell you it feels sooo much better to be NICE and not always critcal or nasty or mad or sad.

This change in me is also helping with how I interact with my son and mom. I'm becoming a better person for me, and its overflowing to my family and friends.

I'm feeling more and more like my old self.

Honest: The woman I had become was not someone fun to be with, not loving, always angry. So glad I'm working my way back to being the woman I want to be for me. Each day I get up I tell myself I will have a great day, and that is exactly the type of day I try to have.

My BFF has even noticed a change in me, so this is not just about my M or H. SO even if H leaves , this has been a blessing in diguise. Something good is happeing in me,,I just hope it includes a better M and R with my H.

[2BHappy]

GOAL for sleeping together, I thought about "breaking" the basement couch, but quickly decided once H starts to see the great woman I am he will come back to our bed, it will be much better when H comes back because he wants to.

And if not,,,oh well,,,his lost.

OH,,,and I forgot,,,when I was feeling low about if anyone would ever want me,,,about 3-4 weeks ago during a M talk .H told me he knows if he leaves this house the men will be lined up outside the door to be with me. That made me realize at least H knows other men would want me.

SO everyone,,,,even if our H or W dont want us right now or ever again,,,there is someone out there who will want you, especially since we are all working on being the best we can be!!!!!

[2BHappy]

GAL- Playing my favorite music thru the house= makes me happy, makes me smile.

Dancing around house with self and my son today, while H gets ready for work. Invited H to salsa dance classes, YES this is another GAL for me. H declined but smiled at same time.

Going to take group classes, I have alwyas wanted to officially learn how to salsa dance H has always said no thanks.

Going to sign up to start in June.

I have gotten back to telling H my plans for weekend (not in detail) but more like "I will be out all day",,,if he ask I will give more info.

H still provides me information on his plans before work and after work (like I might stop after work with friends for a beer),so I will do the same. I say have a GREAT time.

[2BHappy]

On way home from work I passed H who I thought was already at work H saw me. H called on cell say in he was late going in. I said OK...then when I get home H calls again I let phone ring H calls 2 x son answers gives me phone H ask me something son....
Son and I go to dinner. h leaves message at home calling from work phone said he wanted to call from work cause he could tell in my voice I did not believe he was going to work...he had also called my cell from work.

I don't want him to think I cared if he was lying or not...what do I say if he calls back. Or if H brings this up tomorrow-

I thought about leaving a note to tell H thinks for getting mulch which is why he said he was late for work (this is his day off working ot).

[2BHappy]

Feeling lonely today. Today is H day off, wishing I had anywhere else to go but home. I dont want to appear needy today. I dont want H to think it even mattered to me if he was working yesterday or not!

Yesterday at dinner, son said to me that I was raising him and that his dad was there but always working and was only helping with bills and the house, but that I was raising him,

Now I'm like H states to me he is here for our son, and sad to me that son does even feel that.

So H is not really here for either one of us.

I will not mention what son said to H. I will wait a while and gently ask H if he thinks he could spend more time with our son, right now at our sons age I think he needs his dad more.

If our son is not benefitting from us staying in the same house staying M, then what is the point?

Yes I want the M and the R, but at what cost. I'm tired of feeling lonely and ignored and smiling when inside Im crying.

This has been going on since July 2013. I only really been DB since April, I know I have to hang in there with the DB to really give it a chance to work.

I have read DR 2x and made notes everyone to remind myself of my goals.

All I can honestly say is I know I'm better and actually most days feel 80% better. I love not pursuing, begging, crying, growing stronger every day.

Looking for some support and feedback to hang in there.

[2BHappy]

Yesterday actually was great with H home.

H called and needed me to take him to pick up his other car from shop. (H has been avoiding asking me to help him with anything)

I came home, shower from work put on cute spring outfit and took him to pick up car. Then I ran some errands, H called several times, once he ask where I was I said out running errands, he started to ask again then stopped. I ask if he needed something else,,he wanted something picked up then said dont go out of your way..I stopped and picked it up and came home.

H cooked dinner, and did yard work. H had alot of conversation with me yesterday.

H also went over the scratches on my car, and pointed out the ones that would need to be repaired (small thing, but big for me)

We watched movie with son, while watching movie and eating dinner H shared the couch with me (he had been sitting on other couch and placing son with me on the smaller couch)after movie and dinner on my way to bed I kissed H on check and said good night, I thanked him for cooking and yard work that day.

H back and leg was hurting, I offered to rub back he declined.

I hinted he would get more rest in our bed.

Soon after I was in bed, H ask me to help him with the sun roof on his car (another ask for my help on something, which he had been avoiding asking me anything to directly help him)

1-2 hours after I went to bed H comes into bedroom gets in bed and said he would just lay there for a while. H had taken pain pill for back earlier. I ask if back was still bothering him, H said not really but he would lay there for a while.

I tossed and turned, but did not initiate anything,, but we were laying pretty close. Woke up this morning H was still in bed. I gave him kiss on check and told him I hope he feel better and have a great day.

I will continue working on me, backing off, giving H space.

Oh I passed my week timeframe with NO R or M talk!!!

Just wanted to give update on what I thought would be a bad day with H's day off, turned out to be a great day on H's day off.

[2BHappy]

Does anyone think this could be the start of H on his way back or testing the waters or thinking more positivley about M?