I had a fantastic weekend with the kids. We spent a lot of time outside Friday and Saturday. Lots of snuggle time with D yesterday. I had a bad moment when D told me she and OW had matching toes. It took everything inside me to maintain calmness. I almost melted down but I let it go. D and I matched our fingernails instead. I just told myself D would feel the same way if it was another little girlfriend so I just let her be. It was hard though. I did have the stab wound to the heart for a bit. Kind of ashamed that I felt that way though.
I started cleaning out the flower bed in front of the house. It is an absolute mess. I have no idea where to even start with this whole thing. I tried pulling weeds and grasses from around what I think are flowers. It looks better but I am to a section that is thick with grasses and weeds and a big scary looking bush that I think is Buckthorn so I will have to contend with that. I have never ever tended to a flower bed other than pulling weeds before. I never had any interest before, but it looks horrible, and I can't stand it. So here we go...trial by fire. It's all mine now. I don't think the landlord will even care. I will call him to make sure, but I don't think it is going to be an issue. In the meantime I am looking on Craigslist for a patio table and chairs. Something weatherproof and inexpensive. I would also like to get a fire pit. Time to turn this place into something I have always wanted.
S met a new friend. A few doors down lives a boy who is about 15 or 16 years old and plays soccer. He has come down a few times looking to talk to S and S has been with H or at another function. So we strolled down there on Saturday night and I introduced them. S was nervous and shy but once I broke the ice he was fine. They ended up chatting until 10:00 that night so now S has someone to hang with and they can walk down to the soccer field and kick the ball around. I just wish there was a little girl for D to play with.
So mediation has been scheduled, but it's on a day where I committed to chaperoning D's class trip to the zoo. She begged me to come with her so I am not breaking that promise. No one consulted or asked if I was available to meet with the mediator on that date they just scheduled it. I emailed the attorney and told him I was unavailable for that day and time. I hope everyone will be okay with that. But I had a prior commitment. But I guess it was hard to pin down a time and date because H was being demanding (what else is new) and tried to talk to the mediator without my attorney being involved. Apparently the mediator wanted a conference call with my attorney and H so my attorney called H who said he was unavailable and wanted them to call back in 10 minutes. After my attorney hung up, H called the mediator and wanted to talk to him without my attorney being in on the loop. The mediator told H my attorney had to be involved.
So no surprise H is still up to sneaky tricks. I hope the mediator (who is a retired divorce attorney) will see through the monkey business.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH - that is good that you're doing the flower bed!! I have been doing that too, it is great therapy! I worked literally 6.5 hours on one up front that was out of control, I dug that entire bed out, leaving just 3 of those big ornamental grasses, I separated out the weeds from the bulbs and removed all the old junk, then I replanted all the bulbs, the next weekend I hauled rocks up to that puppy and outlined it and made it look all pretty, then the next weekend I went to home depot by myself and hauled 6 bags of mulch home in my trunk and mulched it. Now 2 weekends in a row I go out there and pull out more bermuda grass that keeps popping up. Seriously, it makes you feel good to see the accomplishment, knowing that you're in control of the design and you're not really thinking about your sitch so much, I guess I do some but I do a lot of introspection too and it also gets out excess energy/anger. It's a good workout too. I was exhausted after and slept great. It's nice to change things up too and make it YOUR sanctuary. I really found it to be helpful to do that every weekend, now I look forward to my weekends at home and keep myself fairly busy just doing things around MY house, not our house any more. I just like how it feels to complete a project and know that I did it. so good for you on doing that!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Thanks TL and KML. It is a bit overwhelming. I don't want to rip everything out. There are some evergreen shrubs in there too that I like. I saw some bees in the area around the buckthorn so I need to be cautious. There is some cabbage-looking plant behind the buckthorn that looks like it is rotting. The bees were swarming around that. They are gone now that the weather is overcast and cool. I can't get near it until the buckthorn is gone. I will have to get some heavy duty shears to prune that bad boy away. I don't know how I am going to get rid of it. I don't like pesticides and I don't have the equipment or strength to pull out that complex root system.
My co-worker said she has some hostas she could give me so that is a start. I don't want to put a lot of money or time into it since I am just renting. But I do want it to look nice. I bought some small garden tools at the dollar store but I need a large rake because there is a lot of dead grass and weeds. The bugs did not appreciate me invading their home though. They were scurrying all over. I am kind of excited to take this on, but yet a bit scared. I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
don't be scared, what's the worst that could happen? just cut that thing down to the ground with the large loppers if you have some. it'll grow back but just keep it trimmed down, takes awhile for it to grow back. hostas are great, they come back every year, love those. the deer love them too. they only eat the ones in my back yard though not the front. yeah I would leave the evergreen shrubs too. google "how to get rid of buckthorn" and it will give you some advice. again, don't be scared, just jump on in, there's nothing you can do it that is permanent really, stuff always grows back and it's fun. good luck!! I know what you mean, I'm doing mine with as little money as possible, found all the rocks in my yard for lining the beds and digging is free. I moved some perennials to other parts of the yard that I took out of the front bed. Bulbs can be cut a lot of times and then you've got 2 instead of 1 plant. if your neighbors have any ground cover sometimes that's fun to take a cutting of and watch it spread. let us know your progress!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
It has been raining here and drizzly and cloudy all week. So much for working in the garden. Blah. It is mocking me but one sweet day the sun will shine again and I will chop down that monster of a garden. On the upside I think a tulip is going to bloom. That will be nice to see.
I took some of my diamond and gold rings to a jeweler to see how much cash I could get for them. For my diamond wedding band my highest offer was $130. For the five other diamond and gemstone rings my highest offer was $185. So I am a bit bummed. I know that is $300 more than I have right now, but I was hoping for more so I could it toward my ever growing legal bill. I'll have to talk to the bank about getting a loan or something. If that is the cash I will receive for all my rings I will just keep them. Or maybe try to sell them myself.
I stopped at the grocery store last night because S's soccer game was cancelled (due to rain, of course) and guess who was already there? H. I just didn't even want to go down that road of "bumping into him" at the grocery store. Awkward. So I just went home. Does that seem cowardly? I just didn't want the awkwardness and for him to think that I went there on purpose. It is just easier to shop for groceries another time.
Lots of introspection lately. Mostly about what I want and who I want to be? It has been a long time since I could focus on me and who I am. Everyone on this board says to focus on yourself from day one. It's easier said than done, but I am finally doing it. I have started eating better, making smarter choices with money, planning ahead regarding the kids and trying to take care of my relationships with other people. It's baby steps really. I don't really know if I have grown or not, but I am being real and honest with myself. I am seeing what I need to or want to change about myself and what I like about myself. It's hard to be honest and critique without coming down too hard on oneself. It's also hard to try and change those aspects to be the person you really want to be.
Meeting a good friend at her house tonight for margaritas and movies. Tomorrow and Sunday is soccer-gedden if it ever stops raining. So my time is starting to honestly fill with things I want to do for me.
And you all were right. It does get better.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
You might be able to get a better price at your local pawn shop because you can negotiate the price for your rings.
As for the grocery store incident, that's fine. You do what makes you feel comfortable. No judging here at all.
You have grown! You've learned inner strength and courage in the face of all H's insanity. I have watched you over the last months and you are a different person today than, say, 4 months ago. Sometimes it is hard to see your own inner growth at times. It is all there! Yep, baby steps...then before you know it, you'll be in a much, much BETTER place that is brimming with endless possibilities.
Enjoy your night out in the movies! I'm your DD driver if you ever get too drunk!
And I would have skipped the grocery shop too. There is enough going in in our lives with encountering our crazy x's while doing a little peaceful food shopping!
