I think I belong here #3

[LoisB]

I'm sorry Praying. I don't know much about your situation, but I do know the hurt.

This is about him, not you. Your soul is not dying, his may be, but yours is just in a bit of shock right now. You don't need to rush through anything. Don't let him bully you into filling anything out.

Tell him you will look over the documents when you are ready and not a minute before.

Breathe and do whatever you need to do in order to regain some calm. Once it all sinks in, and some clarity shines through, it becomes easier to deal with. The initial WHAM! is the worst part and you just felt it.

Vent here. We've all been there.

Lots of love,

Heather

[kml]

Divorce in a box? Is he serious? You have three kids together, this is not a case for "Divorce in a Box".

You have three kids' interests to look out for, do not fill out anything or sign anything without talking to your attorney. It's great if you can get H top agree to all your terms, but don't let him pull any fast ones on you. Lawyers are expensive but getting scr*wed in a bad divorce settlement is way MORE expensive.

Also _ I noticed you've been married ten years. If you were rounding up, do NOT let the divorce go through until it's been a full 10 years. It could affect your ability in the future to draw on Social Security in his name if you needed to (you have to have been married ten years). In fact, ten years is the magic number for a lot of things, so if you're just shy of that, figure out how to get to ten.

[BrightFuture]

Does he expect you to help to fill out the paperwork? I would tell him to do it himself and when ready pass it on to you.

My H wanted to do this together online last year. I told him to just go ahead and do it, then bring it to me, so I could pass it to my attorney. He was surprised to hear about attorney and asked me if I already had one. I said no, but interviewed a few. He left and never heard the D word since then.

I agree with Heather, you need to rush anything. If you are not ready, you don’t have to do it right now.

[praying_in_GA]

I'm just going to let it go. I will get the papers and have my lawyer look them over then sign. There is no point in dragging this out. His mind isn't going to change and I am too too drained to fight. I just want my heart and my emotions back. I'm ready to move on from this fight. I'm tired.

[praying_in_GA]

It will all be done right. I will get what I deserve and the kids will be taken care of. No worries there. I'm just not going to drag it out any longer than it must be. I'm done. I hit the bottom and until I let go of this anchor I will remain here. I'm done hoping and praying and thinking. I'm done and he wins his freedom. I get the kids and a monthly "fat check" as he puts it. He can leave. He can walk away. I've had enough of this life. He wins. Divorce it is and then no more. I truly feel defeated and spent.

I know everyone here is looking out for us. I will not just roll over and let him off the hook. I will take care of the kids future. But my heart is tired. So I'm done.

[praying_in_GA]

To make it to 10 years would be middle of August and he won't wait that long.

[job]

GA,
Do a search on the net for divorces in GA (if that is where you are living). You need to discuss this matter with a lawyer as the state of GA is very easy to get a divorce in. He can file and be divorced in 30 days, if you don't respond. Now is the time to get your ducks in a row and be prepared for this action.

[TL72*]

GA - I can relate, mine moved very fast and the divorce was final in 60 days. Make him do all the work, that will buy you some time. Once he gives you the papers, tell him thank you and that you are taking them to your attorney to look over. When I got the papers, there were things I wanted changed and he said just write it on there what you want and i'll have them changed. So I took a few days and wrote on there the changes and gave them back. That buys some time, then he has to take them back to the attorney to have new copies drawn up. I was even marking up typo's (yes there were a couple). So he gave me the papers back and then you have time before you sign. I think it depends on your state but you don't have to sign them right then, here it was like 30 days, but I took them to an attorney for review (free consultation!) she said they looked good and I was getting the most out of it (exH was feeling guilty I think and let me have everything basically just walking away). Like you - I thought there is no reason for me to delay this, I can't fix it, can't change his mind, i'm going to set him free so I signed right there on the spot. I was married over 10 years but that never even occurred to me. Since mid August is only 3.5 months away, you could easily move slowly on it. You can ask a lawyer if it really matters, they'll give you a free consult. If he/she says no, then follow your heart. If they say yes it matters then just move at a snails pace. It is just a piece of paper and I totally get the setting him free thing, but just make sure your bases are covered before rushing in.

[kml]

Yes, drag it out to ten years. It might never make a difference;but imagine a scenario where he goes on to make a big six figure salary, while your earnings are limited by some family crisis. Waiting those three months would mean you could claim a larger social security check. Please talk to your attorney

[praying_in_GA]

And divorce in a box is out. He is going to have his lawyer draw up papers for me to review / revise with my lawyer.